My Battles With Loneliness

After posting the picture of my Good Morning Girls Group, I received a few comments and emails from sisters in Christ who are lonely and long for Christian friendships. My heart broke, as I can recall the seasons in life where I was caught in the dark cloud of loneliness.

I remember weekends in college in Chicago, when most of the girls either went home or out on dates with their boyfriends - I was homesick. I would sit in my dorm room alone eating popcorn and listening to George Winston’s Pachabel’s Canon play on repeat for hours(I still do this! lol!). I never did go out on dates in college - not once – I was dating Keith long distance. I poured over God's word on those long weekends and filled in the gaping dark hole with God's presence.

Finally, I married Keith after 4 long years apart and we moved to Columbus, Ohio for him to finish college at Ohio State University. I was in a new town – with a new name - with a new job – and a new church. I recall walking into my first Bible study in the new church and no one greeting me. I sat alone and was very uncomfortable. I had made some non-Christian friends at work. But I longed for a safe refuge of Christian friends where I could let my guard down and be myself. It took about 18 months before I developed my first "real" Christian friendship...it was a long lonely 18 months.


Then I moved home after 7 years away. I had finally made Christian friends back in Columbus – but here I was “alone” again! I pulled out a prayer journal from my first week home and I had written in there… “Help me Lord to not get into a rut of self pity as it is hard in a new town with no friends.” Looking back it’s humorous. I wasn’t in a new town? I was in my hometown. These weren’t new friends? They were old friends. But I was scared - I had changed in 7 years - so had they - would they accept me?

David, “a man after God’s own heart”, was lonely. In Psalm 25:16 he said to the Lord, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” David turned to God.

If we choose to turn away from God in response to our loneliness we will go down a very cold road. Job and Elijah felt so alone they wanted to die. Jeremiah wished he had never even been born. Satan can use this time to enter sinful thoughts into our minds such as self pity, self-centeredness, bitterness, anger, and jealousy. We may attempt to put a band aid on the pain by turning to the television, alcohol, shopping, binge eating, or excessive computer time.

But, the only comfort I ever found was in releasing my needs to God in prayer and then trusting God. If you are struggling with loneliness today I encourage you to read Psalm 84:11,12. Place your trust in God, then go one step further and delight yourself in God as the rest of Psalm 84 says.

Stop being jealous, stop shopping, stop suppressing the pain with food. I testify as one lonely sister to another (*tears are stinging as I write this next line because God has taught me this truth through tears over and over and over and I pray with all my heart you will grasp this) - it has been in my trusting and delighting - that God has filled the God shaped hole inside of me, to the brim.


In time, God will bring you the fellowship you long for but never let your friends replace your Walk with the King,

Girl - You NEED A Bubble Bath

"Go take a bubble bath."
"You should go to bed early tonight and get some extra rest."
"Let me get you a warm cup of coffee, a book and you sit down and take a break."


No one ever says these things to you do they? And so - I'm guessing you rarely do this. You rarely surrender to your weariness. I know this because you are just like me. I mistakenly believe that I can go and go and go like the Energizer bunny without consequence.


Electricity has created an artificial day during our nights. And so rather than resting like the rest of nature does - we try to defy nature and keep going as if it is morning time. We live in a world that runs 24/7. Computers, televisions, cell phones, ipods, restaurants, grocery stores and more are at our access 24/7. We live in a hyperactive culture and then we wonder why some of our children are so well...hyperactive?!

We must slow down and create slow moments because it is in our slow moments that we can see clearly.


Let me say that again because this must sink in if we are going to embrace the peace Jesus wants to give us. It is in our slow moments that we can see clearly.


When we are on the go go go - we can't see the person who is hurting and needs a hug. We can't see our husband who needs our tender affection. We don't have time to just linger on the bedside of our children to listen. We don't write encouraging notes to a friend who is hurting. We can't enjoy a sunrise, a surprise game of hide-n-seek, a spontaneously song of praise and we certainly can not hear God clearly.

I know we carry a long to-do list and heavy burdens at Christmas time. But consider Jesus for a moment - the burdens of the entire world were upon his shoulders. He knew of every single hurting man, woman and child. The needs he knew of were beyond what we can comprehend - and yet he did not help everyone. He did not rush in a flurry of speed to accomplish as much as he could before each sunset. He took time to stop and talk to individuals. He took time to wake early in the morning and get alone with God. He took time to rest when he was weary like the time he slept during the raging storm on the boat.

And so it is time for us to hush not rush.


Here's this week's challenge: Take out your calendar and SCHEDULE a night where you will take a warm refreshing bubble bath. Bring your Bible. Read the story of the birth of Jesus in Matthew 1, 2 and Luke 1,2.

Here's why: A bubble bath is something COMPLETELY free that only you can give yourself. It is something we do alone and a place where we can stop the rush, hush, reflect and see clearly. I know there is a temptation at the end of a weary day to turn on the television and have a snack. This is a common stress reliever - but it doesn't get us alone with God and it doesn't give us the peace that our souls long for. Television is empty. God's word is full.

An awesome bubble bath takes planning so here's what you need:
1. Privacy - all children asleep and the husband aware that you don't want to be interrupted

2. Hot water and loads of Bubbles - preferably ones that smell yummy!

3. Some soft classical music

4. A hand towel rolled up as a pillow

5. A cold drink to set beside the tub

6. Your Bible and if you are afraid you'll get it wet - exchange it for a good Christian book or simply quietness - reflecting on your day and talking with God in prayer.

Optional: a lit candle


Now sit back, RELAX, be alone with just you and God - 25 minutes and VOILA - you emerge a new woman.


Do not wait until the house is clean, the laundry is folded, and your presents are all wrapped. It will never be all done! Give yourself permission in the midst of your busyness to have a moment of peace - Peace on Earth.

If you are participating in this challenge leave a comment below with how it's going - if you are a blogger copy this button into your blog post, write about how it's going and link up below!

Walk with the King!

I am linking up to: Motivation Monday, Hip Homeschool Hop, Finer Things Friday, Raising Homemakers, Making My H0me Sing Monday , Holiday Haven and Works For Me Wednesday. Please check out these blogs for more great homemaking ideas.

This Is What I Do When Life Hurts

The Making Your Home a Haven Challenge is over and I miss reading all of your link-ups already!!! Thank you for helping me make October special in my home - your accountability truly helped me! I have the most amazing readers ever! Keep it up!


Today I'm thinking about the reader who is frustrated with her home and feels that it is anything BUT a haven. I turn to Psalm 23 and I think about the inner dialogue of a woman who is hurting...


1 - The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. (want. want. want. I want...)

2. He makes me lie down (lie down...if only I could lie down for just 20 minutes...if only if only if only) in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters. (quiet. quiet. quiet...this home is so loud...television, ipods, cell phones, chatter, I can't get a moment of quiet here).


3. He restores my soul (my soul. needs. restored. ...it hurts). He guides me in paths of righteousness. (I am so alone...I have no one who understands...if only I had someone to get me out of this mess. mess. mess. Someone besides me please clean up this mess!).


4. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil (what if. what if. what if. what if I'm not enough?) for you are with me (you are? why are you so silent God?); your rod and your staff they comfort me. (comfort. who needs comfort. I am strong. I will pick myself up and press on. I am not weak.)


5. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies, you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (overflows. overflows. overflows. Dirty dishes overflow, closets overflow, my trash cans overflow, my laundry baskets overflow, my calender overflows...if everything is so full - why do I feel so empty?)


6. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life. (follow. follow. follow. I feel like difficulties, trials, disappointments, bad relationships and financial problems follow me... goodness? love? follow me?) and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. (put on fake smile. I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever...BUT...I want. I want. I want. if only. if only. if only. my soul hurts. mess. mess. mess. I am weak. no. I am strong. empty. empty. empty.)


Do you hear the self talk? Do you hear what is happening between this woman's two ears? She is saying rotten things to herself about her life, about the people in her life, about her circumstances, and even about God. And then she wonders...why? don't? I? have? peace?


The problem is not out there - it's inside of her. Romans 12:2 says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Do you want to see a change in your home? It starts in your mind.

The Lord is indeed your Shepherd and you shall not be in want. You must claim these truths. Let him lead you by still waters...are you thirsty? Sit still. Drink a tall glass of his living word! Let him restore your soul. He is with you. He loves you. You will one day dwell in his house forever. You only have one life and living it in the Eeyore state is not living at all!


Are you in a storm? Do you need help? Psalm 121:1 says, "I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

At the core - I am empty, ugly, self-seeking, insecure, questioning myself to death regularly (even cried for about 30 minutes in my husband's office this week over my fears. fears. fears. and failures). I hurt. I struggle. I wrestle. But then - I lift my eyes up to the maker of the heavens and the earth and this world pauses for just a moment and all my ugly thoughts and self talk are washed away by his love, grace and peace. The storms do not disappear but seeing a glimpse of the sunshine that awaits me, lifts me up when I am weak. I am weak. I am weak. He is strong. And so I rest. And he restores.

(If you are discouraged, I pray you will take just 5 minutes to let this song speak truth into your life. Stop the inner dialogue and habits of doubt and negative self talk and fill your mind with truth. truth. truth. You must hear the truth.)

Praise You in This Storm / Casting Crowns

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.


Chorus:
And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm


I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away


Chorus
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth


Walk with the King!

I am linking up here :

I Wish I Had a Counseling Degree

There are times I receive emails from my dear readers that contain questions far too difficult for me to answer. When the questions are beyond my experience or studies I often say "I'm sorry I am not a counselor. You need to seek out a pastor, trusted Godly friend or call Focus on the Family's 1-800 number (1-800-232-6459). I deeply regret this is beyond my expertise."


There are moments I feel inept to write on this blog because I am not a counselor - I just don't know all the answers and I so wish I did!~


Thankfully there is a counsellor all believers have access to who supersedes all counseling degrees - the Holy Spirit! Jesus says in John 14: 16-17 "I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth."


Anne Graham Lotz says:

"Jesus described the Holy Spirit as "Another." The Greek word actually means "another who is exactly the same." So although the Holy Spirit is a distinct person, He is exactly the same as Jesus, but without the physical body. He has been described as Jesus without skin. Or, like an FBI agent, He is Jesus undercover."


Dear hurting Christian sister, you may feel all alone in your trials and difficulties. But you are not. Jesus has sent "another" counselor with the same mind, emotions, intellect and wisdom into our hearts to guide, comfort, direct, and help us manage our way through life.


Have you yielded to this Counselor the Holy Spirit? You must first be in his word, in prayer and in stillness - to sense his clear leading, comfort and guidance.


If you are hurting today - practice the presence of God in your life. Psalm 139:7-10 says:

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

Know that he is always with you. Surrender your will to him. Be still - listen - move forward in peace.


Walk with the King!

If anyone knows of any other organizations with toll free numbers for readers who need a counselor can you please leave it in the comment section. I will use it as a resource for ladies who are hurting. Thank you for your help.

I Don't Need a Spa - I Need Solitude!

I am thinking about the power of solitude. Solitude is something mommies with little ones rarely get. In the part of my life I call B.C. (before children) it was not difficult to get times of solitude. But once I brought my first baby home from the hospital, I realized my life was changed forever! I remember showering with the bouncy seat right outside the shower curtain. I remember peaking out to be sure my little boy was okay and there he'd sit in the bouncy seat, happy as a lark with the shower noise and steam delighting him. My solitude was gone!

I remember a time when my children were littler, they'd push notes and toys under the bathroom door (the crack was large in our old house lol!) Needless to say – I’ve learned that mothering is an intense – around the clock job and solitude is not something that happens to a mom – it’s something we have to seek out.

I have learned that I must be purposeful to get alone with God daily. It is in my times of solitude that God refuels me and I can hear him speak. I can find order in the midst of chaos and connect with my creator.

Solitude is powerful. Moms – are you getting enough of it? If you are feeling inpatient, irritable, bitter, forgetful, disorganized or disconnected from God – it’s time to take care of your soul in a time of solitude. Grab your Bible and get alone with God.

Jesus has set us an example to follow.

• Jesus inaugurated his ministry by spending 40 days alone in the desert (Matthew 4:1-11).


• Before Jesus chose the 12 disciples he spent the entire night alone (Luke 6:12).


• When the disciples had finished a long day with the crowds Jesus instructed them “Come away, by yourselves to a lonely place” (Mark 6:31).


• Following the healing of a leper Jesus “withdrew to the wilderness and prayed” (Luke 5:16)


• And Jesus was alone again when he was transfigured (Matthew 17:1-9) and before his death in the garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36).
  
  
  If Jesus, who is God, needed solitude then certainly we do also. When we forgo our own needs, including our own need for solitude, we not only shortchange ourselves but our families also.

Here are some ways I have been able to find solitude in my own life.

1. For about 4 years I have risen by 6am so I can have time alone with God in prayer and scripture before the rest of the family awakes.

2. When the children were little I set the timer on my oven for 30 minutes every morning around 9am while the kids were still fresh. I had my daughter play in the playpen while my son played in his room. This taught my children how to appreciate solitude also! (This did take some time of training - starting at 5 to 10 to 15 minute intervals - working them up to 30 minutes of being able to play alone without calling for me.)

3. When the children were little, I lined up their nap times so they were both asleep at the same time – some days this felt like a work of art.

4. On days when we are home all day long, I still give my children (ages 5 and 7) a one hour "roomtime" (in place of naptime). It's usually around 3pm. They look at books and play alone. It's a peaceful rest time in our house. We all get a break from each other and I see that it really does refresh us all.

5. When the children were younger my husband would travel sometimes for a week straight. On those weeks, I had a sitter come once a week for 3 hours in the afternoon during the overlap of the kids nap times so I could actually leave the house and breathe fresh air without 2 children, 2 sippy cups, 2 snacks, toys and stress!!! I ran necessary errands and then always finished my time off at the library or Starbucks with my Bible and journal in hand. These were sweet moments of solitude that I savored!

6. Now, I take advantage of evening hours, once the kids are in bed, to sneak away to my bed for a moment of solitude with scriptures.

Mommies, we don't need a spa (although I'm not against it lol!)! We need solitude with Jesus!

Walk with the King!

Peace on Earth in the Midst of Noise Noise Noise

Yesterday, as my alarm woke me with the radio, I headed to my computer and as I blogged, I listened to music from Youtube (Casting Crowns), then I checked my text messages, facebook and email. As I drove my kids to preschool, I listened to a kids praise and worship CD. Driving home I talked on the cell phone to my sister. When I arrived home I turned on Christmas music while I checked my email for any missed messages while I was gone. I again drove in my car to my next activity with music going where my cell phone chimed in with text messages. Then I proceeded to have dinner with my parents, while my children interrupted our conversation with loud noises. Later, I put the kids to bed with a CD playing in their rooms and proceeded to my basement to run on the treadmill, while I listened to my iPod and watched television simultaneously. Then I returned upstairs to check my email and turn on the television to watch something I had DVR'd while listening to a voicemail. I finished my day by answering one last phone call and checking facebook.

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When I type that all out I see how loud my world is - but I know that it really is not that unusual for women my age to have all this technology noise.

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What do you hear right now? Is there any silence or peace where you are at? The saying "silence is golden" is true. And in order to find peace in the midst of this very noisy and technology addicted world we must have the discipline to turn it all off and simply sit alone and meet with God.

Mark Driscoll says : "I began to ponder what Jesus’ life might be like if He lived today. Would He be available to all of His followers twenty-four hours a day on His BlackBerry? Would He have left His phone on at the Last Supper and been continually interrupted by needless calls? Would He have failed to stop and speak to needy people because their weeping was not loud enough for Him to hear over His iPod as He hurried past them on His way to a meeting He was already late for?"

Moreover, the Bible says in Luke 5:16 that “Jesus OFTEN withdrew to lonely places.” Jesus spent considerable time alone in silence to pray, rest, and focus on what priorities He should be devoting His time and energy to. This helps to explain why, in just three short years of ministry, Jesus had a greater impact on history than anyone else who has ever lived.

The Bible also describes multiple benefits of purposeful silence, including:

• hearing from God - I Kings 19:11-13
• waiting patiently for the Lord to act - Lamentations 3:25-28
• worshiping God - Habakkuk 2:20
• knowing God better - Psalm 46:10
• praying effectively - Luke 5:16

So today - allow yourself a break to just be silent - get alone with God. It is in this silence that we will hear loudly the truth that the choir of angels sang to the shepherds in Luke 2 "Peace on earth, goodwill to men."

Walk with the King!
Courtney
http://www.womenlivingwell.org/