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Women Living Well Blog: R-E-S-P-E-C-T and Your Husband

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, August 1, 2010

R-E-S-P-E-C-T and Your Husband

It's Week #8 in our marriage challenge and this challenge is straight from the Bible:
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Your Husband!

Ephesians 5:33 says "Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband."

This can be a difficult verse to apply because some women have husbands who are not doing the first half of this verse. Their husbands are not loving them as themselves BUT my blog is not written for men so I have to move on to the second part of this verse.

God's command to wives is to respect our husbands - unconditionally. Our men are not boy scouts trying to earn badges of honor. God does not say - respect the husband who is "worthy" of respect. It is simply their position of husband that we are to respect.

Dr. Emerson Eggerich says in his book "Love and Respect" that if you asked women if they'd rather their friends love or respect them - the majority would say love. But if you asked men if they'd rather their friends love or respect them - the men would answer respect. We are hard wired this way - God created men with the need to feel respected and adequate.

Think of what men will do for honor. They will take bullet shots from an enemy. While everyone is running out of a burning building, men will run up 20 flights of stairs to save lives. They will shoot the bear and laugh about it later. They are just wired this way - and isn't it glorious that they are!

Sometimes we women "mock" the male "ego" - but it truly is tender. Deep down - there's insecurity and they need to know that indeed they are adequate, they are enough, they are worthy of our respect.

Sometimes it's hard to know exactly what it is that makes your husband feel disrespected. Sometimes the strangest comment I make will make my husband angry. I don't see it disrespectful at all - and it baffles me - yet he is clearly offended. It has taken time for me to learn what it is that makes him feel disrespected. But I can tell you a few things that all men disdain.

1. The wife rolling her eyes at him.

2. The wife criticizing him.

3. The wife complaining to hrt mother or girlfriends about his flaws.

4. The wife not respecting his knowledge, opinions or decisions.

5. The wife nagging him or assuming the worst in his actions.

6. The wife using sarcasm to communicate bitterness.

7. The wife disrespecting his work, protection, provision or leadership.

8. The wife disrespecting his need for physical intimacy or his "manhood" (wink wink).

This week - take some time to assess your husband's respect-o-meter. Ask him what sort of things you do that make him feel disrespected and respected. Work on weeding out disrespectful thoughts and attitudes and exchanging them for respectful ones.

If this is a very troubled spot in your marriage specifically because you don't feel your husband is respectable read the post I wrote a while back titled:
Respecting Your Husband's Weaknesses

And remember you respect your husband because of who God is and his commands. You respect your husband because of who you are and your character. You respect your husband because you have been given grace and you freely give it. You respect your husband because of your vows at the marriage altar. And you respect your husband because you do indeed love him and desire to please him.

It's your turn, if you are a blogger write a post about how this challenge goes and link up below - remember to include a link back to this post please! If you are not a blogger, comment below and tell us how you are working on this area or what you learned!

Walk with the King!

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Blogger Audra Laney said...

Very well said, Courtney. I needed to hear that--especially today. I appreciated how you broke down those 8 specific things, as I have been guilty of several today. Thank goodness for a gracious God and a forgiving husband. :) I always love reading your devotional thoughts. Please keep 'em comin'!

August 1, 2010 at 9:07 PM  
Blogger trooppetrie said...

this was neat, Can I copy the part about being a boyscout. i think i need to post it on my forehead

August 1, 2010 at 10:10 PM  
Anonymous Karina said...

Wow, great post. Extremely encouraging today, as I have been guilty of nearly every one of those points far too regularly!

I own a copy of the book Love and Respect and have appreciated the message in it. Maybe I need to revisit that one :) Thx.

August 1, 2010 at 11:30 PM  
Blogger Larissa said...

Love this post! This is a very important topic and one that I always appreciate the reminder!

August 2, 2010 at 7:43 AM  
Blogger Stacey said...

Thanks so much for this post, Courtney. The truth is that once a wife does this, it is so liberating. (exactly the opposite of what the fallen world expects) God truly blesses marriages that follow His Word.

August 2, 2010 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Stacey said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 2, 2010 at 9:11 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

Awesome, awesome post, Courtney. Thank you for being so specific, and for sharing from your own mariage, too. My personal struggle is whenever we have a conflict, I think it's a free-for-all and I don't have to respect him because we're arguing. Respect has no conditions in God's Word.

August 2, 2010 at 10:49 AM  
Blogger The Working Home Keeper said...

Thank you for this post! I've been so blessed by this series.

Mary Ellen

August 2, 2010 at 12:00 PM  
Blogger momstheword said...

Awesome post! So true, this verse is not a IF/Then thing...."If" my hubby does this "Then" I will do this.

We are commanded to respect our husbands based on what God says, not on what our husband does.

It's really sad because sometimes you can see marriages where both partners are holding back and waiting for the other partner to "do their part" before they respond.

Thanks for linking up today to Making Your Home Sing Monday!

August 2, 2010 at 1:26 PM  
Blogger Bev said...

Courtney, my first visit here. As someone married almost 30 years, I LOVE this post. My husband and i were privileged to hear Dr. Eggerich and his wife speak about a year or so ago, and the conference was full of fabulous stuff, as is his book, Love and Respect. I'll stop back for more visits. PS Enjoyed watching the RR video on your sidebar.

August 3, 2010 at 12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Courtney,

I have found so much inner peace since I have been following your blog and participating in the Completing Him Challenge.. Over the past several years, I have flouted every command that God has given to women -- as seen in your blogs. I am trying hard and learning to be the proverbs 31 woman and a wife that my husband deserves.

I was able identify myself very much with the earlier blog you have written about Respecting our husbands. Thanks you so much for inspiring me to be a true and good woman and wife.

August 3, 2010 at 2:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Courtney!
This may sound weird, but I really don't know how to respect my husband. I really want to but cannot figure it out. I am so frustrated at this point. Maybe you can give examples that can be done to show respect. I have many frustrations with him and I am sure he with me and I sure tell him about it all the time. I know I need to stop but at the same time I want him to stop the things that frustrate me. Any advice? Thanks!!!

August 3, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Thanks for the encouraging comments everyone!

Anonymous #2,

The best way to express your respect is by doing the reverse of the list in the blog post - here's how to reverse it:
1.Don't roll your eyes at him.

2. Don't criticize him.

3. Don't complain about him to your mother or girlfriends about his flaws.

4. Respect his knowledge, opinions and decisions.

5. Don't nag him or assume the worst in his actions.

6. Don't use sarcasm to communicate bitterness. Communicate issues in the marriage respectfully.

7. Respect his work, protection, provision and leadership.

8. Respect his need for physical intimacy or his "manhood" (wink wink).

Hope that helps!

August 3, 2010 at 11:17 AM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

Such a great reminder Courtney. I know this encouraged lots of us on Marriage Monday!

August 3, 2010 at 4:28 PM  
Anonymous Joy Eggerichs said...

Thanks for being an advocate of my dads book and this biblical message! You are having quite an impact with your blog--well done!

August 5, 2010 at 6:32 PM  
Anonymous becca banana said...

We were recently on a long road trip and I have been learning to show respect as a passenger, to fully trust my husband as the driver and encourage him rather than tear him down in any driving decisions.

August 9, 2010 at 6:57 PM  

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