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Women Living Well Blog: Respecting Your Husband's Weaknesses

Women Living Well Blog

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Respecting Your Husband's Weaknesses

Monday I wrote: "Ephesians 5:33 says,"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In other words, a wife needs to feel love and a husband needs to feel respect. Consequently... Without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without

I received an excellent question from a reader, in regards to Monday's post. One wife asked: "How do I respect the areas where my husband struggles?" For this wife it is in the area of finances. For you it may be in another area such as parenting, differences in goals, likes and dislikes, too much time spent on sports and hobbies, mother-in-law troubles or his lack of helpfulness around the house. And this is just to name a few - there are many other serious issues and addictions that often require intervention.

None of us are married to a perfect man - they are all flawed - just as we wives are all flawed - simply because we are all sinners. In most sitcoms, the husband is the brunt of jokes - he is stupid while the wife knows it all and runs the house. This may be culturally acceptable - but it is NOT acceptable to God.

God has placed an order in our homes according to Ephesians 5 and the man is the head of the home and is to be respected in that role. Since this order is God ordained - when a wife bucks the system and disrespects her husband, her problem is not with her husband but with God. Does she trust God enough to take care of her? Is she willing to quietly pray about the problem she is having with her husband and give God room to work in her husband's heart? Is she willing to support her husband fully as his helpmate and make it safe for him to make a mistake and ask for help - or does he fear his wife's harsh tongue when he fails - and therefore, not feel safe to ask for help?

Often times we disrespect our husbands out of selfishness - we are not getting our way or what we want and so we go the route of criticizing, crying or pouting. You see, we as women think it is okay to cry in a fight but it is not okay for the man to get angry. We think he's not controlling himself and judge him for it. But why is it that women tend to cry and men tend to get angry? Because crying is often the result of a woman feeling unloved and anger is often the result of a man feeling disrespected. We provoke our husband's anger when we are disrespectful.

If you are not able to communicate respectfully with your husband about an area that you are concerned, then you should wait to communicate with him about it until you can. This takes patience, prayer, and emotional maturity. Otherwise, your husband will feel the need to pull back from you and disconnect. Then you will cry and tell him how unloved you feel. But in reality, you have poked him in the eye and now you are crying and begging him to see you and your pain. But he won't be able to see past his own pain.

When we are faced with our husband's weaknesses, much about our maturity is revealed. Your husband should not have to earn your respect just as you would not want him to make you earn his love. Our spiritual maturity and emotional maturity are tested.

So if you have failed to be respectful - go and make things right with God and then your husband - apologize and begin your journey towards doing what is right. You will need to trust in God to give you the strength to bite your tongue till it bleeds if you must - as you wrestle with self-control! In time, you will find an overwhelming sense of peace that the Holy Spirit will bring you as you walk yielded to the Spirit. (In regards to more serious matters of infidelity and addictions I suggest that you talk to a trusted elder or pastor.) So I encourage you today, go and give your husband what he so desperately needs - respect - and watch your marriage bloom.

These may have been some very hard words to hear for some of you - but they are God's truth and the truth will set you free. I am praying for all of my readers today - that this truth will fall on soft hearts. Marriage in America is in jeopardy - Christian marriages need to be a light to the world! When you follow God's plan for marriage you will be different and your light will shine for the whole world to see! Go let your light shine and live well!!!

Walk with the King!



Anonymous Kristi_runwatch said...


I think one of the very hardest things about marriage is biting your tongue and truly offering your concerns to the Lord. It's hard to submit - I have no trouble submitting to God because He is perfect and always knows what is best! My husband is not perfect and isn't always aware of my needs, so submitting to him is much harder! I wrestled with that a lot when we were engaged and the Lord really challenged me that if I trusted Him with my life, isn't He able to move in Nathan's life as my head?

Good stuff, Courtney - thanks for taking this difficult topic on.

June 10, 2009 at 7:57 AM  
Blogger Mom24Blessings said...

Great post Courtney!!! This is not an easy topic to talk to women about and you did a great job. I will be praying for you today and your readers. It seems whenever we focus on biblical marriage our own marriages can be attacked.

June 10, 2009 at 8:05 AM  
Blogger MommySecrets said...

Great post Courtney - God has given you the gift of wisdom and words. And you are a very good steward of his gift!

June 10, 2009 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

Thanks Chicks! There is one pitfall I have found along the way to respecting my husband - even in his weaknesses and it's "bitterness". So I will address the issue of bitterness on Friday - tomorrow is Thrifty Thursday!


June 10, 2009 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

Phew. This was a hard one to read, but very true!!! ;) Well said!!

June 10, 2009 at 9:42 AM  
Anonymous Julie said...

So much truth here, Courtney. We just started leading a new fellowship for "Honeymooners" (I like to think that's still us), and this is the very issue we talked about this week. Foundational. Thank you for sharing it so well.

June 10, 2009 at 1:05 PM  
Blogger daningo said...

Well said!! Thanks!

June 11, 2009 at 4:12 PM  
Blogger Amydeanne said...

Courtney, I love your blog! Thanks for joining in WFW! I'll be back to read more from you! I'm enjoying reading your back posts!

June 17, 2009 at 11:29 AM  
Anonymous momtomany said...

I struggled with this a lot because I grew up with a wonderful Daddy that no man would ever measure up to. Recently I read something that makes me feel different in a book called "Am I beautiful?" (something like that). It's about finding a fulfilling relationship with the Lord, and the author pointed out that our husband, our children, our parents, our friends, and even our pets are gifts from God to bless our lives... but they were never designed or intended to fulfill us or give us the deep happiness we all seek - only God could ever do that. When I stop hoping from my husband what only God can give, then more and more I am just thankful for the good and wonderful things about him.

June 22, 2009 at 7:09 AM  
Blogger Bianca said...

I came across this blog from, "At the Well". Thank you for taking on this topic of submitting to our husbands and trusting that God can and does work through our husbands as heads of our households. I have been married for 6 years and can say it is tough work, but well worth it. I still fall prey to bitterness, or thinking that my way is better, or the "right" way and God continues to shape me and form me to be the wife I need to be for my husband, and my family.

I pray God will grant me peace and the grace necessary to accept my husband's weaknesses and to encourage him, and respect him as the head of our household.

July 6, 2009 at 1:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is sexist, misogynistic drivel. You have been brainwashed to be subservient. Women and men are equals; men are NOT the heads of their households or the bosses of their wives. Any woman who submits to any men is ignorant and brainwashed; any man who expects it or tries to force a woman to submit to him is a patriarchal pig and deserves to die alone. You better not be teaching your children this sexist nonsense. I feel sorry for your daughter if she is being raised to "submit" to men. That is sick, twisted, evil and vile! It is child abuse.

August 11, 2009 at 10:20 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

Dear Anonymous,

I love my God, I love my marriage, I love my home, I love my children. I love respecting my husband not only because God tells me to but because it's like glue in my marriage - my marriage blossoms and grows when I do as God commands.

I feel at peace where I am at. You sound like you need a good hug and someone to tell you that today you can rest in the arms of a loving heavenly father. Open the Bible and just start reading in Psalms or Proverbs...the book of John and I John are great too!

Open your heart up to the creator of the world and to his love and forgiveness and you will find inner peace and joy. You can stop fighting him and just rest.


August 12, 2009 at 8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what a load ! Stop being brainwashed try thinking for yourself.

March 9, 2010 at 12:33 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Anonymous - I am thinking for myself - I wish you would join me and not believe the lies of this world.

Jesus said in Matthew 7:13,14

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

You have entered the broad gate - the one where you just go with crowd. But Jesus' gate is narrow - few find it but it leads to life.

I hope my blog leads you in that direction. And if you have a problem with what I write on this blog, your problem is not with me - it's with God and his word. Because everything I write is based on his word.
Much love,

March 10, 2010 at 11:14 AM  
Blogger Dianne said...

Super-duper post, Courtney. Keep up the great work. I always enjoy reading your articles. Truth is so cleansing!

August 2, 2010 at 8:57 PM  
Blogger Nina Lewis said...

I had lunch with a friend today and needed something to give her regarding our chat...I just typed in what our conversation was about and voila...perfect.

Thank you!
Nina Lewis

October 26, 2010 at 6:23 PM  

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