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Women Living Well Blog: The Duggars Top 5 Parenting Tips

Women Living Well Blog

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Duggars Top 5 Parenting Tips

On the Duggars website they have posted their top 5 parenting tips - here they are for you:

1. Teach our children to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, and memorize God’s word together as a family.

2. Teach them to have a servant’s heart, leading by your example. Love your neighbor as yourself.

3. Daily read the Proverb of the Day that corresponds with the day of the month and discuss it as a family.

4.Diligently keep up with each child’s attitudes and actions and ask what is going on in their heart. Pray with them one on one letting them lead in prayer and then you closing the prayer time together.

5. Ask God to help you conquer anger because it can destroy your relationship with your children. Praise them ten times more than you correct them.

I have latched onto tip number 5 - "Ask God to help you conquer your anger because it can destroy your relationship". In their book Michelle says - anger shows your worst side. And often times when we have angry outbursts our anger is worse than what the child has actually done! Michelle follows Proverbs 15:1 "A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger." She says when she feels angry, she lowers her voice rather than raises it and will sometimes take it to almost a whisper! Now that's self-control at it's best!

So you are thinking - my kids will walk all over me. Nope - I've been working on gentleness for a while now and I must say I feel much better about myself as a mother - and the children are responding. Michelle is right - anger will destroy your relationship with your children. On days when I find myself yelling - I feel guilty and like a failure as a mom. But when I apply Proverbs 15:1 - I find this principle bringing peace into our home.

Tip number 5 also says "praise them 10 times more than you correct them." Ten times more? That's a lot I've discovered - cause guess what? I've been counting to see what I do exactly and well - I do praise my children - BUT I feel like I am always saying "keep your hands to yourself, that's not nice, watch your words, don't take that from her, don't give me attitude, walk slowly, be gentle, look at me when I am talking, that's not kind, take care of your toys, don't make a mess" and on and on the correction list goes.

The Duggars try their best to not say "don't don't don't". Instead they work hard focusing on the behavior they expect. They compliment every little positive thing they see. They praise their children when they demonstrate diligence, thoroughness, punctuality, patience, compassion, orderliness, generosity, and other Christlike qualities.

My children are often punctual - yet I rarely praise them for that. Often they are thorough and I just say "great job" rather than "great job being so thorough". When they put their shoes in the wrong place I correct them but when they are in the right place I say nothing - when I could say "thanks for putting your shoes in the correct place and being so orderly."

I've been looking for virtues to praise my children for in hopes that some of their vices will shrink. So last month, I focused on the area of gentleness in my home. And this month, I am adding to my gentleness, words of praise for Christlike qualities.

Join me today in dealing with your children gently, praying for them, and praising them for the behaviors we want to see grow and blossom in their lives. If we don't encourage our children who will? If we don't lovingly and gently correct them who will? If we don't pray for them who will?

Walk with the King!



Blogger Morgan said...

There kids are SO well behaved, and they sure seem to love their mom and dad a lot.

I like the idea of lowering your voice when you're angry. It's encouraging to know that she struggled with things as a mom but got better in those areas over time. There's hope for every mom. : )

June 4, 2009 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Regina Coblentz said...

Thanks for sharing this. Those are great tips!!!!

June 4, 2009 at 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Julie said...

I'm glad you shared these tips, Courtney. I'm going to join you in the praising focus. As a teacher, we were always challenged to "catch them doing good."

June 4, 2009 at 8:30 AM  
Blogger Amanda @ Serenity Now said...

That's a great list for a family of any size. :)

June 4, 2009 at 8:34 AM  
Blogger kimmy said...

Looove this!! SO practical and yet so simple!!Not so simple to apply though!

June 4, 2009 at 11:08 AM  
Anonymous Diana said...

Great list from Michelle, thanks for posting. I've heard before to try to make a practice of telling the children what you want them to do rather than what you want them not to do. Even in little ways like you said, "please remember to put your shoes ____", instead of "you know better, stop leaving your shoes in the middle of the floor!". That's been a constant I work on...One i really need to put more specific effort into is looking for positives to praise. Somedays it seems difficult to find them, but they're always there if I am in tune with my kids and look! :-) thanks again!

June 5, 2009 at 6:48 AM  
Anonymous Sarah Birtch said...

Thanks for the post this is something that I need to work on and that I want to change in my life with my kids!! I am always worried that my yelling will crush them and the worst part is I never think about it till after I have yelled at them!!! I am going to try and lower my voice the rest of this week and next and also look to PRAISE my cchildren a lot more!!

Thanks so much for the reminder COurtney!!!

June 5, 2009 at 2:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


August 6, 2009 at 3:01 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Stam said...

Those are great tips thanks for sharing them!

December 14, 2010 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Val said...

This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing. I don't remember if I told you or not but I am doing the Dec. challenge and have it posted on the sidebar of my blog. Love it!

December 14, 2010 at 9:32 AM  
Anonymous Tina said...

Thanks for posting this! Iv been watching the Duggers show on Netflix instant play this month and I really admire Michelle's gentle and quiet spirit...every time I see her interact with her children I think to myself " I wish I could be like that!!" .

I will definitely be joining you in praising more then criticizing my kiddos. And I am praying for the Lord to help me harness a more quiet and gentle spirit in me.

December 14, 2010 at 9:35 AM  
Blogger SuperMom Blues said...

I love the Duggars - and I love all her tips. I am one that REALLY needs to work on anger. I yell way more than I should and I certainly don't praise as much as I should!

Thanks for the gentle reminder today!
God Bless!

December 14, 2010 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Carol said...

Thanks for sharing this! This is a great reminder of what our "mission" is! God Bless you Courtney!

December 14, 2010 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger Monica said...

Great tips, thanks for sharing. The Duggars remind me of this great parenting book I think should be on the shelf of every Christian parent. Raising Godly Tomatoes by Elizabeth Krueger. She has almost the full book online for free at her website too It has helped me in so many ways, well worth the time to read it!

December 14, 2010 at 11:50 AM  
Blogger Walking by Faith said...

Thanks for the post, Courtney! IT was wonderful. I so appreciate the Duggar's example of the Christian home. My little family (3 boys;) had the priviledge of spending an evening of dinner & singing with their family at the Bates home & what a night it was! My husband & I were SO impressed with the love & joy in that family. We felt like we'd known them for years & the children were so precious. Before we left Mr.Duggar gave my husband & I some sound advice. He said, "If you want to keep the hearts of your children I recommend two main things. #1.Home School if you can. So that you can not just correct bad behavior but get to the 'heart' of the matter. (when their gone all day you can't really do that) #2. Get rid of your #1 hasn't happened yet for us;) maybe it will. but we did do #2 & I just can't believe the difference in our home & our children's behavior. There were so many bad attitudes before & now they aren't 'seeing' the attitudes to copy along with a lot of other things. IT's been a wonderful thing for our family to sacrifice 'entertainment' for great lasting rewards of being together! Blessings~~heidi

December 14, 2010 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Monica - yes, I have been visiting the Raising Godly Tomatoes website since my son was 3!!! It helped me so much!!!

Walking by Faith - wow - you got to meet the Bate's AND the Duggars - wowowowowow!!! Awesome!!! And great advice!!!

December 14, 2010 at 2:05 PM  
Blogger Walking by Faith said...

haha...well the Bate's are sweet friends of ours their daughter (Erin) goes to Bible college (Crown College Powell,TN) where my husband & I met. We lived there for 8 yrs & just moved to cooold North Dakota to serve in the a ministry up here;)...but both inspiring families! Kelly Bates is full of Godly wisdom & advice,I'm very blessed to know her!;) I do wish she's write a book too!

THank you for your awesome blog! You inspire me too!!

December 17, 2010 at 2:35 PM  

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