Equality in Marriage




4 years ago at St. Josephs Beach in Michigan

 This quote below is taken from Girl Talk Blogs. 


I LOVE it so much I had to share it with you all!

"I once had a lively discussion with a brother who insisted that in his relationship everything was equal, and that this was the hallmark of their marriage. To him equal meant same and therefore interchangeable. He proudly rejected the idea of male initiation and female response. And what is more, he thought he was serving the cause of women in this.

I responded by saying that in my marriage, my wife and I never think about equality, though if forced to think about it we would affirm our mutual worth before God. Instead, I see my wife as better and more precious than I--of greater worth. And I told him my wife took no offense in this matter. Indeed she gets upset with me precisely at the point when I start treating her as my equal. To her it feels like a step down."

~John Ensor, Doing Things Right In Matters of the Heart, p. 95

 

Walk with the King!

This post is linked to Titus 2sdays, We Are That Family and Raising Homemakers.

Today is Women Living Well Wednesday! It's a Link-Up Day!!!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting, homemaking, finances, recipes, organization and more!)

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What If Your Husband Is Not Interested?

Monday's post brought up a question that I have received numerous times.  This past March, I ran this question by Dr. David Clarke - a marriage counsellor of 20+ years and author.  He confirmed that my answer was the same answer he gives and therefore I feel comfortable sharing it with you.

So the general question usually goes something like this:

Dear Courtney,

My husband does not seem to need physical intimacy as often as most husbands.  He is the one saying he is too tired or not in the mood.  This leaves me feeling lonely, rejected and confused?  Is it me or him?

And here is my answer:

First, the scripture I refer to in my video on this topic is I Corinthians 7:5.  This passage commands wives to not withhold from their husbands and LIKEWISE husbands are not to withhold from their wives...lest it opens a cracked door in the marriage for Satan to tempt one of the spouses to fall.

So if your husband is withholding from you - Biblically he is wrong.

Okay, determining that he is wrong is the easy part.  But determining WHY he is doing this is the more difficult part.  Statistically speaking, 20+% of women say that their husband needs to make love less often than they do.  So if you are feeling this way you are not alone.

Here are 3 reasons why your husband may not be as interested as you are:

1.  He is under a high level of stress, depression, in a period of grieving or has been abused as a child. 

2.  He has a medical condition or is taking medication that is affecting his drive.

If #1 or #2 is the case, you need to encourage him to talk to his Dr. about this and get help. 

3.  He is involved in p*rn.

I am sad to say that many married Christian men are secretly involved in #3 and it is affecting marriages in the bedroom.  I had one woman email me with this very question.   I read the scenario to my husband...he immediately detected that it was #3 but  I sent her back the 1,2,3 analysis above.  She confronted her husband and he confessed to #3.  A man can almost detect this better than a woman...because he knows how a man thinks. 

#3 (sorry I'm not saying the word but I know many who read have filters and I don't want to get bumped due to this post)  is rampant nowadays because there is easy access on the Internet and Satan has made it free! Ugh!  Satan is working overtime in this area and taking ground everyday.

So what if this is you and you are stuck in a marriage with issue #3?  This is a huge can of worms that CANNOT be solved in one blog post but I can give you a simplified version of some of the things that may need to happen. 

The first time you discover it demand a change because it's not the first time your husband has been participating in it!  If you overlook it you will enable him. 

First, he will need to admit his problem, secondly, he will need to recognize this hurts you and apologize to you, thirdly you will need to understand the depth of his involvement - is this an addiction and for how long?  Finally, he needs to get help from a Godly man in your church along with accountability. 

It is important that you communicate to your husband your needs.  Get to the bottom of why this is happening but gently.  Do not turn this into WW III in your home.  Start with prayer - maybe even a week or two of prayer.  If this is a touchy subject and you have had fights over this previously, write out what you want to say and pray over it.  Then find a quiet time when there are no children and your husband is not in the middle of a television show, an email or a nap and ask him if you can have a little talk.  Then open up the discussion and seek restoration.  I am praying for any of you who are in this situation right now.  I know it hurts.  God is with you - lean hard on him.  

Walk with the King,

Addendum - Thank you for your comments and additions to the conversation -some of you have recommended some GREAT resources - thank you!  Some of you have added a #4 that I agree with - when a woman has not taken care of herself, is disrespectful or makes her husband "beg" for it - he can lose his desire for his wife...but please understand that truly this just leads to #3 (or even an affair) - it may take a year or two...but even a good man in this digital world has trouble withstanding the pressure of #3.

This leads me to add...that some have mentioned their husbands have a lower drive...this may outrage some of you(I got a hate email about this)...but the reality is - God created men with a biological need to have it often ...all you have to do is look at our media and see that a huge percentage of it is ran by this man's drive to SEE the woman's beauty and respond - from comedians, to the music industry, to the beer ads to the fashion industry it is all dominated by this drive that men and women have.


 Dr. Juli Slattery (Focus On the Family)  explains this need better here...there is a physical build up of the man's seed that must be released regularly.  To understand this as a woman it can be compared to a nursing mom who has the need to express her milk.  This is how men were created...and if it is not happening in your man - then very likely #1 or #2 is the reason.  And hopefully not #3.  So, though I received just one hate email thus far...I know others could be looming - I stand behind what I have shared here in hopes that it helps just one woman get to the bottom of why their marriage is struggling in this area.


And let me humbly add that I am not a counsellor or Dr. - I have turned to them for their expertise and am reiterating what I understand them to be saying.  I deeply apologize if in your situation I am WAY off.  But I know that there has to be one woman out there this could help - so I can't take this down.  It's with love that I post this.


This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sdays, and We Are That Family.


Today is Women Living Well Wednesday! It's a Link-Up Day!!!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting, homemaking, finances, recipes, organization and more!)

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Your Husband Is Your Spiritual Leader

Last Wednesday, I posted a "Dear Husbands" post. It was a cry for husbands to step up and lead.  Now I turn to the wives.

Dear Wives,

Do you long for your husband to lead?  Some of you are married to a man who is mature in Christ, who has had parents role-model for him what a spiritual leader looks like.  Others married husbands who will not darken the door of the church.  While still others, have husbands who attend church every Sunday - but only if you wake him.  He might keep sleeping if you didn't do all the work to get the family there.

Sometimes as wives, we can create a mental checklist to evaluate our husband's spirituality.  It might look like this:

1. Did he sing loud at church?

2. Did he initiate Bible time with the family?

3. Did he pray with me before we went to bed?

4. Does he act like that guy in my small group - who appears to be a spiritual giant?

5. Does he read the Bible as much as I do?

6. Does he go to a men's study group? Cause I go to the women's study group?

7. Does he express with words how much he loves Jesus like I do?

8. Is he as giving with our money as I am?

9. Does he know as much about the Bible as I do?

And we come to the end of those questions and confirm - nope - he is not all those things therefore "my husband is not the spiritual leader of our home - I am."

While I do believe that there are many husbands failing in their role as spiritual leaders...I want to encourage you to not go down this very dark path - it will not lead to a spiritually stronger husband.  He will sense that you disrespect him in this area and rarely will a man be motivated by our disrespect.

I've been there - early in marriage, I looked over my check list and declared my husband was not measuring up. I had just graduated from Bible college - I (in my pride said) I certainly know more! I lead a Beth Moore study! What does he lead? He sings so quiet - I love to sing praises - loudly! In my heart I declared - I am more spiritual... I I I I I I I I I ! Ugh - so ugly...  My man is my leader - in every area.  He quietly reads his Bible every single morning using a "Read through the Bible plan" - but his walk with God simply does not look like mine!

It seems so easy for us wives to criticize our husbands in this area. We have an ideal we want them to meet - and we fail to realize that the day he walked down the isle - he became the head of our home.  Ephesians 5:23 doesn't say - he ought to be the head of the home - it says he is!

I hear so many women say - "he's not leading". The reality is - your husband is ALWAYS leading...he may just be doing a lousy job. And if he has abdicated his leadership to you - then he is still leading - leading by abdication.

Three areas I failed in, early in marriage, was 1.) to realize that he is going to mature (just as I have)- he's come a long way in 13 years! 2.) to evaluate myself as more spiritual is pretty arogant and ugly to God & 3.) to recognize that a man's walk with God looks different than a woman's!  Some men may be openly expressive and flowery in worship - but after 35 years in church I have seen this is the exception not the rule.

God made our men strong and fierce to fight battles, slay bears and make bold moves for his kingdom. My husband's faith is unwavering. His integrity stellar.  His courage to be a truth teller unstoppable.  His knowledge of theology deep.  But will he get flowery about his love for Jesus?  Not a chance. 

His walk with God looks different than mine - just like your walk with God might look different from mine. 

And here is a point I want you to take away from this post - if you take nothing else from this - hear me on this:

Leave room for your husband to mature in this area.  Do not treat him like he is less than you if he is not as spiritually strong.  Think of the first day you held your first child in your arms.  Were you a mature parent - ready to handle every issue that you would face in parenting? What if he had a mental checklist and you were not measuring up to his standards as a mom?  You'd be devastated.  If you need anyone's support as a mom - it's your husband's.  In the same way, he needs your support in his role of leadership. 

Give your husband room and time to mature.  Pray for his leadership rather than criticize it.  Take note when he does do something right.  Your husband is in a place of inescapable leadership.  That is a tremendous burden to carry.  Lighten his load, step back and let your husband lead. 

Walk with the King!

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sdays, and We Are That Family.

Today is Women Living Well Wednesday! It's a Link-Up Day!!!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting, homemaking, finances, recipes, organization and more!)

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Dear Husbands - A Letter To The Men

The title of my blog is Women Living Well. I write to women, but from time to time I receive an email that says, "my husband is so glad I read your blog - he reads over my shoulder." lol!

And so though my ministry is only to women - today I want to write directly to the husband who might be peaking over his wife's shoulder.

Dear Husbands,

We wives have loved you since the day you slipped that ring on our finger. You were everything we dreamed of and more! We want to live a life filled with open hearts, open dreams and 2 hearts beating as one. Some days we sense distance - we draw near but you are under the stress of work and bills and daily pressures. We know you just need us to hold your hand and be still. We want to talk till the the sunsets and then comes up again and we know - you don't. We know that living with a woman is not always easy - we are such opposites and yet this is what makes the possibility for intimacy endless.

Sometimes we attempt to lead - either it's because you are being silent in an area or we want to change your mind. It may almost appear that we don't want you to lead us and we want to call the shots.

But do you really want to know the truth?

Do you really want to know our hearts cry?

Please - "Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

Won't you lead me?"

We want you to lead.

Wives, do you see the burden your husband's carry?

This video captures both sides so well. For a moment, imagine the burden your husband carries on his broad shoulders everyday. The role of leader can be lonely.


And I see the hearts cry of the husband - "Father lead me cause I can't do this alone."


Are you longing for your husband to lead? Pray for him...and when he steps up and leads...step back and let him.

Walk with the King!

Update: I just got a humbling tweet that said "My husband was "watching over my shoulder" & said he heard it B4 & it made him think. We had a nice talk after." 
This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sdays, and We Are That Family.

Today is Women Living Well Wednesday! It's a Link-Up Day!!!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting, homemaking, finances, recipes, organization and more!)

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How To Communicate Your Needs To Your Husband

I made a mistake! I made a video about a year ago where I talked about "how to change your husband". In the video, I addressed the overly demanding and nagging wife and neglected to mention the dangers of being a wife who silently stuffs down her feelings. So I just deleted the old video and re-shot the video below in its place.


Last Friday I attended an all day Marriage Seminar by Dr. David Clarke.

(pictured with us is Clare from Peak313 Fitness)


During the seminar, Dr. Clarke shared about a scenario that he sees in marriages that are on the brink of divorce. Women come into his office who are miserable. They have stuffed down all their needs for years and there in his office they finally release all that they have been feeling. By this point, their marriage is hanging on by a thread. The wife is angry and bitter and has enabled her husband to treat her wrongly. Their marriage is damaged and restoration is hard work.


I hope to encourage anyone who feels like they are hanging onto the side of a cliff and about to fall. If you feel like you are just too tired and too weary and you can't hang on anymore. You need to pray. Pray about your hurts and needs and then tell your husband "we need to talk". This will set the stage for a serious discussion.


The video below will explain further.




If your spouse is struggling with an addiction - you need outside help in your marriage. Please see a pastor, elder, an older woman you trust or call a Christian counsellor. Focus on the Family has a 1-800 number that you can call Monday through Friday 6am to 8pm. It's 1-800-232-6459.


Do not wait to address the festering sores in your marriage until you end up a statistic. Work on your marriage today. I am praying for all - May God Bless your marriages ten fold!


Walk with the King!

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sdays, and We Are That Family.


Today is Women Living Well Wednesday! It's a Link-Up Day!!!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting, homemaking, finances, recipes, organization and more!)

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Facebook and Inappropriate Relationships

I have been a Facebook user for over 2 years. I thoroughly enjoy connecting with everyone and daily I visit Facebook to catch up on what is happening in the life of family, friends, followers and other partners in ministry.


Facebook in and of itself is amoral. But because we live in a fallen world, every single user of Facebook is a sinner and therefore Facebook is sin filled. There are pitfalls at every turn that we must guard ourselves against.


We must guard against gossip, slander, and complaining spirits. We must guard against judgemental attitudes and being a busy body.


But today's post is about the biggest pitfall of all - inappropriate relationships. Within 5 days of being a Facebook user, old high school and college friends had found me and were befriending me. Old names from the past and memories that I had not pondered in 15 years flooded my mind. Some of the people from the past, I had close friendships with and others I barely even knew. But when the "friendship request" came into my email inbox I felt bad to "decline" anyone a friendship with me.


So I accepted everyone who requested a friendship for fear that they would know I declined them and have hurt feelings. I also accepted some friends because I was very curious to see what had happened in their lives in the last 15 years. So I had friendships with both men and women on Facebook...and there were some very awkward moments.


There were moments when men I never talk to at church would start commenting on my status - it felt weird but it's Facebook and this is what people do so I accepted it and moved on. It wasn't until I began to hear of marriages being broken and destroyed by these "innocent" Facebook friendships that I began to question "why in the world am I friends with guys on Facebook?"


After a good discussion with my husband about this (who is not a user of Facebook and was not thrilled that I was "friends" with guys - but was too kind to "forbid" it) we decided it was best that I delete every single guy from my friendship list (who were not relatives).


It was brutal...it was hard to delete a few of my pastors and friends who might wonder why suddenly they were "unfriended". After they were unfriended requests came in for me to "refriend" some of the guys and I ignored them. It was hard.


Why did I unfriend my guy friends? Was I doing something inappropriate? NO, I did not have any inappropriate friendships with men on Facebook BUT I know that "Satan is a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour" (I Peter 5:8) and I am fresh meat he'd just love to get his hands on! And I want to be "alert" and "on guard". I am aware that I am a sinful human who is capable of being tempted and falling. I do not want to leave any known cracks in my life where he can sneak in.


Do I think you should delete your Facebook guy friends? I am not the Holy Spirit. I can not say what is God's will for your life. But I will say, we must be wise and on guard because I know that Satan would love to get a foothold in your life too.


My daily followers know that I adore the "Love and Respect" book by Dr.Emerson Eggerich. His daughter, Joy Eggerich made this video below addressing Facebook and emotional affairs. It speaks my heart so I want to share it with you.





Let's use Facebook to glorify God! My heart has been filled with joy as I have watched my Christian sisters in Christ love on one another, share verses, encouragement, prayer requests and life. God is using Facebook to spread his truth and gospel and I want us all to be a part of God's work.


If you are questioning any of your friendships or anything you have said on Facebook as to whether it is right or wrong...let me help you sort it out right now.


Ask yourself:

If the pastor of my church put up on a large screen for the whole church to see - my friends, status updates, comments, and photos - is there anything I would be embarrassed of?


There's your answer - now go and delete whatever came to mind!
Walk with the King!

Ps. If you are a facebook user and would like to receive daily updates from Women Living Well - go here and click "like".

Today's post is a part of the "Put Your House In Order" Series. Please visit the ladies below!

Making Family Rules Fun from My Blessed Life

Loving Your Family Through Meal Planning from Good Cheap Eats

Fruit of the Spirit Charts for Kids from Smockity Frocks

Family Finances from Kingdom First Mom

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers and We Are That Family.

What a Majority of Men Want For Valentine's Day and a Giveaway

Photo credit Boston Herald

This Monday is Valentine's Day. In a lot of marriages, this day comes and goes without a whole lot of acknowledgement. We women see it on the calendar - we know it's there, we've helped our children write out all their little Valentine's Day cards...and we cross our fingers that our husband NOTICES it is Valentine's Day.

If you are a lucky one - you will get a card, flowers, dinner out, maybe some chocolates and some romance. And well - the rest of us...it might not happen and we'll just have an annoying day lol!

But rather than waiting around for something that might not happen - how about we use this day to show our husbands appreciation for the blessing that they are in our lives. This day gives us a reason to shower our husbands with some extra Tender Loving Care!!!

Remember - there are no exceptions in the Bible where it says on Birthdays, Mother's Day and Valentine's Day we have permission to get selfish and self-centered.

Philippians 2:3,4 says "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."

My husband is thoughtful. It is not uncommon for him to show up with my favorite drink from Starbucks, a late night run to fill my car up with gas, or a timely back rub. But he's not Mr. Romance. I am 100% secure in his love for me by the way he works so hard to provide, listens to my long detailed stories lol!, protects me and the children and does a whole slew of other things 365 days a year! I don't want to despise him on February 14th for not coming up with a soap opera type romantic extravaganza. I know it's not gonna happen and it probably won't happen for about 90% of us!

So why not have some fun planning something special for our husbands and making a memory! Do you know what your husband wants? There's still quite a few days left - so ask him!

Let me make a suggestion as to what a majority of men want even if they aren't willing to say it:

1. A great tasting, looking, smelling home cooked meal and home cooked dessert (I plan to make an all red dinner - red drink - red spaghetti - red dessert)

2. You pursuing him for a night of passion (remember you are married - HAVE fun! God created passion for us married folk! lol!) Don't be afraid to flirt again - wink at him across the table - suggest what is for dessert after the kids are in bed *wink*. Loosen' up and have fun! Make a memory that neither of you will forget!

3. Write a letter expressing all the things you admire about him. Consider reading it out loud to him at dinner in front of your children. Or if you are going out to dinner - put your list in your purse and then pull it out in the middle of dinner and read it to him. Trust me - he will LOVE it!

Which of the three does your husband need from you right now?


*****I am excited to share that I have a giveaway today!!! It's the "Love and Respect For a Lifetime" hardback Gift Edition!!! This is a GREAT book to read together with your husband (if he is willing). My husband and I have led his marriage study in our home and it has been a huge inspiration in our own marriage.

Dr. Emerson Eggerich says:
"When you touch your husband's deepest need something good almost always happens!"

To enter to win just leave a comment below before Monday, February 14th!

I want to invite bloggers to link-up if you are participating in this challenge. If you are not a blogger - please leave a comment below to let me know that you have committed to the challenge!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button or the Marriage Challenge button to your post so your readers can find us here! (posts can include the topics of marriage, parenting and homemaking)

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Walk with the King!

I am linked up at Titus2days (Time Warp Wife), Raising Homemakers, and Works for Me Wednesday.

Thriving In A Spiritually Mismatched Marriage

Images from Tammy Labuda Photgraphy

Deanna, answered: An unequally yoked marriage is a difficult path to walk. But I want to encourage you by saying that one can have a happy, fulfilling marriage with an unbelieving husband. You do not just have to survive your spiritually mismatched marriage, but you can actually thrive in the midst of it.


On November 14th, I (Deanna) celebrated 28 years of marriage with my beloved unbeliever. God has had to do a mighty work in my heart and I have come to know my Lord and Savior intimately as God has taught me how to be a godly wife to a man who had no interest in spiritual things. My life verse has been, "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

As I reflect back over the years I would like to share with you some of the Pitfalls to having a marriage that thrives:

First, I had a "Holier Than Thou Attitude". I esteemed myself above him because I was a Christian and he was not!! Oh my!!! God's word says: Phil 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others."

Second, I had a judgmental attitude. I was often mentally critical of his actions and words. I felt since my husband did not seek God, how could he speak into my life! I used sarcasm as a weapon. I played the martyr and treated my marriage as a cross I must bear for being unequally yoked. I did not treat my husband with respect. Ephesians does not give us an option on respecting our husbands. It does not say "if he deserves it" or "if you feel like it"," if he is a Christian or not"- just to respect our husbands- period! (Ephesians 5:33 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.")


My focus was on my circumstances.

I focused on the negative attributes of my husband.


I focused on my pain and heartache I felt when I was sitting in the church pew alone...again. Looking around with envy at all the couples wishing my husband was next to me.


I focused on the burden of being the spiritual leader in my home. I focused on not having the spiritual under girding from him because sometimes moral support was not enough.


I focused on my children not having a godly dad. I focused on the weight of teaching and nurturing the spiritual upbringing of our children.


I focused on the pain and despair I felt when my teenage son decided not to go to church and his excuse was "Dad doesn't, so neither am I"


I focused on the fear that would well up inside of me when I faced the reality that my husband may never accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. This fear fueled my tactics of manipulation and scheming in an attempt to get my husband to see his need of a Savior! Before I knew it, I felt responsible for his salvation!!!


I focused on my loneliness and spiritual isolation.


I focused on the deep, deep heartache of not being able to share anything spiritual with my husband. Yes, I could tell him how God answered prayer or how God's word touched my heart, but he does not understand. (1 Corinthians 2:14)


I focused on the longing I had for the day we could worship and rejoice together over God's blessings to us.


All these desires and strong emotions are valid and real, but my focus was wrong. My focus had to change from my circumstances to Jesus. I was tired of being miserable. I wanted that abundant life that I read about in the Bible. I began to cry out to God and asked Him to change my heart. I asked God to help me die to self and began to consciously choose to yield and be submissive to God. This allowed me take on a submissive attitude with my husband also.


I prayed for God to renew my love and passion for my husband. I prayed for God to show me how to respect my husband when I did not feel like it or feel he deserved it. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I was able to love and serve my husband with joy, placing his needs above my own. When I am feeling frustrated, lonely or angry I cry out to my Rock and Redeemer. In Christ I can be gentle and kind, desiring to be a blessing to my man. When I fail, I ask for forgiveness and try again. 1 John 1:9, Ps 116:1-2


So, how do you deal with a husband who doesn't believe but you do? 1Peter 3: 1-4 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words, by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Abiding in Christ enables a believing wife to live with and thrive in a happy marriage with her unbelieving husband. It is about a daily, sometimes minute by minute laying down of selfish ways, forgiveness, not neglecting God's word or quiet time with your Savior and being obedient to God's word- and pray, pray, pray. (John 15)


Here are some practical ways to apply God's word:

1. I am paraphrasing 1 Peter 3:1, Keep your lips zipped. Allow your actions to speak of God's love. Wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit to use your words.


2. Read or study your bible, visit with Christian friends or teach your children godly principles when he is not around.


3. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Cor 11:3 It is very important for your husband to know he comes BEFORE church activities and friends.


4. Take your frustration, anger, loneliness or hurt feelings to God first. Pour your heart out to Him and allow Christ to quiet your heart and heal your wounds. Then, if necessary, address the issue with your husband. (Ps 62:8)

For more encouragement, I recommend the book "Beloved Unbeliever" by Jo Berry


Do not give up hope. After 27 years of prayer my husband accepted Christ as his Savior!!!!!

~Deanna
Today's post is a part of the "Put Your House In Order" Series. Please visit the ladies below for more on Parenting, Decorating, Cooking and Finances!Walk with the King!

Thank you to Tammy from Tammy Labuda Photography for her photos today. Tammy is a friend from my college days at the Moody Bible Institute. She is a Wedding and Lifestyle Portait Photographer based out of Dallas, Texas and she is willing to travel to you if you need a photographer. To see more of her portraits go to Tammy Labuda Photography or "Like" her Facebook page.

So I asked a friend and woman I admire - "How do you thrive in a spiritually mismatched marriage?

Siblings Showing Love - A Valentine Activity from Smockity Frocks
Decorating Hearts With Love from My Blessed Life
Showing Love Through Cupcakes from Good Cheap Eats
Marriage and Money in the Christian Home from Kingdom First Mom

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, We Are That Family, A Holy Experience and the Time-Warp Wife.

The 25 Day Praise Plan - Marriage Challenge

There are 25 days until Valentine's Day so it's time to implement the 25 Day Praise Plan.


Each week the challenge will be the same - to praise, encourage, inspire, admire, build up, thank and appreciate your husband. But each week I will give you different ways to express your praise. Feel free to tweak it for what you think is best for your husband.

JR Miller writes "So it is in the dark hours of a man's life, when burdens press, when sorrows weigh like mountains upon his soul, when adversities have left him crushed and broken, or when he is in the midst of fierce struggles which try the strength of every fibre of his manhood, that all the radiance and glory of a true wife's strengthful love shine out before his eyes. Only then does he recognize in her God's angel of mercy."

Let's be angels of mercy to our husbands. We may think they are filled with confidence and strength but they are only human. They have insecurities, fears, failures, burdens and cares that we do not always slow down to recognize. We lose our tenderness in the hustle and bustle of life and this month let's slow down and really see our husband's with fresh eyes.

It's tempting to make Valentine's Day all about ourselves - but let's pursue being selfless and living according to Philippians 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."(NIV)


Week 1 starts TODAY! Look for ways to praise your husband verbally. Praise him in front of the kids, friends, family, co-workers, on facebook, tweet it - get praise out anyway you can! Try to mention something noteworthy he has done - in his role as provider, father, husband, lover, or friend. If the thought of trying to come up with one terrifies you, then pray right now that God will give you new eyes to see your husband as God does. Then open your mouth and say something kind and uplifting to your husband today and tomorrow and the next day until Valentine's Day arrives!(if you want a devotional to go along with this Nancy Leigh Demoss has an amazing Marriage Pdf here)

Week 2 January 26th - This week we will be a little more creative with our praise. I will give you many ideas of fun things you can do to praise your husband such as surprising him with a love message on the mirror, a message packed in his lunch, using sidewalk chalk to write on the driveway, write a poem, making a toast to him at dinner with friends etc. Get creative with your selflessness!

Week 3 February 2nd - Pursue intimacy and place the intimate needs of your spouse above your own. Seek to "kiss him like you mean it" every single day this week! Solomon 5:16 says "His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely." Paula Rinehart says that for many men, "Sex is like a silent cheer." Our men feel stronger, more capable, and built up when we respond to their advances with a smile. "Be available, agreeable and interested" (~Linda Dillow) Give a Foot massage, back rub, shower together, be creative!

Week 4 February 9th - Women love romance, chocolate and flowers on Valentines Day. Do you know what your husband wants? Ask him! Let me make a suggestion as to what a majority of men want even if they aren't willing to say it: a great tasting, looking, smelling home cooked meal and home cooked dessert, you pursuing him for a night of passion (remember you are married - HAVE fun! God created passion for us married folk! lol!) or a letter expressing all the things you admire about him. One of these things he would surely enjoy. Which of the three does your husband need from you right now?

"When you touch your husband's deepest need something good almost always happens!"~ Dr. Emerson Eggerich

So I challenge you today to not just show your husband you love him but show him that you LIKE him!

I want to invite bloggers to link-up if you are participating in this challenge. If you are not a blogger - please leave a comment below to let me know that you have committed to the challenge!

Join the fun, do a little blog hopping and don't forget if you join below -please add the Women Living Well Wednesdays button or the Marriage Challenge button to your post so your readers can find us here!

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Walk with the King!

I am linked up at Titus2days, Raising Homemakers, and Works for Me Wednesday.

The Quest For the Perfect Holiday

We were newlyweds. I had never cut down a real Christmas tree so when Keith suggested that we cut one down it sounded exciting! I was gung-ho ready to go in my pretty boots, pretty coat, and fancy matching gloves, scarf and ear muffs.

We drove to the tree farm and I hopped out of the car ready to go in search of the perfect tree. Wow - they were all so gorgeous - I found the perfect one within 15 minutes. So I declared "this is it!" I was smiling ear to ear just dreaming of this tree in our house. What a delight! My husband pulled out his measuring tape, measured it, "too short". Bummer.

5 minutes later I found the one! "This is it!" Again Keith began to measure - this time it had a crooked base. Bummer. "Well, how about this one?" "No" he answered, "that one has a nasty bare spot." "We can turn it to the corner" I suggest. "No." We walk on... and on....and on - an hour passes.

We come to a muddy spot and I'm a little annoyed to step my pretty boot into the muddy spot but I do - but not without grumbling. I suggest another tree - and again - it's not the right one. Now I'm starting to feel irritated, cold and deflated...we walk on...and we continue the cycle - I suggest a tree, he finds the flaw.

Keith decides that the type of trees in our section were the wrong type of tree - he preferred the Douglas Firs which were way over the hill and very far from the car but we went....went in search of the perfect Christmas tree.

We walk and walk and walk and finally Keith finds the suitable tree! It's the right height, has the right base, no bare spots and he tells me "stand by it" while he goes to check and see if there are any better ones a few rows over.

So, there I stood...tick tock tick tock...annoyed...it's now been nearly three hours looking for the perfect tree. Suddenly out of no where - a ferocious barking dog appeared and my husband was NO where in sight. I left the tree in search of my hubby. When I found him my patience was long gone, I was practically in tears and I said "honey, there is no such thing as a perfect tree - just pick one - I want to go home."

Poor guy. He truly wanted to pick the perfect tree for me. He was willing to tramp around in the freezing cold to find the perfect one to adorn our home. But what he didn't realize was that I wasn't looking for the perfect tree. It was the moment itself that was so exciting! Being outdoors with my husband cutting down a tree and dragging it home was the memorable moment I was hoping to make. But in his quest for perfection the dreamy moment was ruined.

Are you as wives and mothers trying to create the perfect holiday for your family? Are you stressed over trying to figure out how to make it perfect, memorable, special, meaningful and more. STOP. You might just ruin it for everyone if you are too focused on the details and missing the whole point of the actual experience together.

The holidays are a special time to make memories. The memories don't have to be perfect or grand. Actually, the memories I seem to remember from childhood are the ones where everything went wrong and now we laugh about it! It's the tradition of being together year after year that builds security and love within the family.

Typically, women plan most of the events on the calendar for the holidays. Have you asked your husband what he wants his holiday to be like? Maybe he wants it to be restful and go no where and you want to have a revolving door of people over. This is going to cause friction.

Communication is key. Find out what his expectations are and share with him some of your expectations. Had I realized when we went looking for a Christmas tree that it would take 3 hours to find the tree and I needed to wear old grubby clothes - my expectations would have been set and I could have enjoyed my time picking the Christmas tree. But instead, I expected to find it quickly and be on our merry way! My expectations for Christmas tree shopping have officially changed because this is how my husband enjoys shopping for a tree.

Let your quest for perfection go. Thanksgiving should be a simple holiday. Give your children more than a memory of a frazzled mom who had a perfectly set table and meal. Give them the memory of giving thanks. There are many ways you can do this:

1. Make a thankful chain and have everyone write on slips of paper things they are thankful for and hang the chain as decoration.

2. Go around the table and focus on each person. Have others share 2-3 things they are thankful for in that person.

3. Put out a jar and encourage your family to put in slips of paper with things they are thankful for all week long. When Thursday comes pull the pieces of paper out and read them together. Pray and give thanks.

4. Do a word study in the Bible on the word "thanks". Read these verses out loud together.

5. Read George Washington's or Abraham Lincoln's Proclamations of Thanksgiving.

6. Sing praises together to the Lord.

Ps. 34:3 "O magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together."

Walk with the King!

I am linking up here :