Thriving In A Spiritually Mismatched Marriage

Images from Tammy Labuda Photgraphy

Deanna, answered: An unequally yoked marriage is a difficult path to walk. But I want to encourage you by saying that one can have a happy, fulfilling marriage with an unbelieving husband. You do not just have to survive your spiritually mismatched marriage, but you can actually thrive in the midst of it.


On November 14th, I (Deanna) celebrated 28 years of marriage with my beloved unbeliever. God has had to do a mighty work in my heart and I have come to know my Lord and Savior intimately as God has taught me how to be a godly wife to a man who had no interest in spiritual things. My life verse has been, "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

As I reflect back over the years I would like to share with you some of the Pitfalls to having a marriage that thrives:

First, I had a "Holier Than Thou Attitude". I esteemed myself above him because I was a Christian and he was not!! Oh my!!! God's word says: Phil 2:3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others."

Second, I had a judgmental attitude. I was often mentally critical of his actions and words. I felt since my husband did not seek God, how could he speak into my life! I used sarcasm as a weapon. I played the martyr and treated my marriage as a cross I must bear for being unequally yoked. I did not treat my husband with respect. Ephesians does not give us an option on respecting our husbands. It does not say "if he deserves it" or "if you feel like it"," if he is a Christian or not"- just to respect our husbands- period! (Ephesians 5:33 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.")


My focus was on my circumstances.

I focused on the negative attributes of my husband.


I focused on my pain and heartache I felt when I was sitting in the church pew alone...again. Looking around with envy at all the couples wishing my husband was next to me.


I focused on the burden of being the spiritual leader in my home. I focused on not having the spiritual under girding from him because sometimes moral support was not enough.


I focused on my children not having a godly dad. I focused on the weight of teaching and nurturing the spiritual upbringing of our children.


I focused on the pain and despair I felt when my teenage son decided not to go to church and his excuse was "Dad doesn't, so neither am I"


I focused on the fear that would well up inside of me when I faced the reality that my husband may never accept Jesus Christ as his Savior. This fear fueled my tactics of manipulation and scheming in an attempt to get my husband to see his need of a Savior! Before I knew it, I felt responsible for his salvation!!!


I focused on my loneliness and spiritual isolation.


I focused on the deep, deep heartache of not being able to share anything spiritual with my husband. Yes, I could tell him how God answered prayer or how God's word touched my heart, but he does not understand. (1 Corinthians 2:14)


I focused on the longing I had for the day we could worship and rejoice together over God's blessings to us.


All these desires and strong emotions are valid and real, but my focus was wrong. My focus had to change from my circumstances to Jesus. I was tired of being miserable. I wanted that abundant life that I read about in the Bible. I began to cry out to God and asked Him to change my heart. I asked God to help me die to self and began to consciously choose to yield and be submissive to God. This allowed me take on a submissive attitude with my husband also.


I prayed for God to renew my love and passion for my husband. I prayed for God to show me how to respect my husband when I did not feel like it or feel he deserved it. Through the power of the Holy Spirit I was able to love and serve my husband with joy, placing his needs above my own. When I am feeling frustrated, lonely or angry I cry out to my Rock and Redeemer. In Christ I can be gentle and kind, desiring to be a blessing to my man. When I fail, I ask for forgiveness and try again. 1 John 1:9, Ps 116:1-2


So, how do you deal with a husband who doesn't believe but you do? 1Peter 3: 1-4 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words, by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Abiding in Christ enables a believing wife to live with and thrive in a happy marriage with her unbelieving husband. It is about a daily, sometimes minute by minute laying down of selfish ways, forgiveness, not neglecting God's word or quiet time with your Savior and being obedient to God's word- and pray, pray, pray. (John 15)


Here are some practical ways to apply God's word:

1. I am paraphrasing 1 Peter 3:1, Keep your lips zipped. Allow your actions to speak of God's love. Wait for the prompting of the Holy Spirit to use your words.


2. Read or study your bible, visit with Christian friends or teach your children godly principles when he is not around.


3. "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God." 1 Cor 11:3 It is very important for your husband to know he comes BEFORE church activities and friends.


4. Take your frustration, anger, loneliness or hurt feelings to God first. Pour your heart out to Him and allow Christ to quiet your heart and heal your wounds. Then, if necessary, address the issue with your husband. (Ps 62:8)

For more encouragement, I recommend the book "Beloved Unbeliever" by Jo Berry


Do not give up hope. After 27 years of prayer my husband accepted Christ as his Savior!!!!!

~Deanna
Today's post is a part of the "Put Your House In Order" Series. Please visit the ladies below for more on Parenting, Decorating, Cooking and Finances!Walk with the King!

Thank you to Tammy from Tammy Labuda Photography for her photos today. Tammy is a friend from my college days at the Moody Bible Institute. She is a Wedding and Lifestyle Portait Photographer based out of Dallas, Texas and she is willing to travel to you if you need a photographer. To see more of her portraits go to Tammy Labuda Photography or "Like" her Facebook page.

So I asked a friend and woman I admire - "How do you thrive in a spiritually mismatched marriage?

Siblings Showing Love - A Valentine Activity from Smockity Frocks
Decorating Hearts With Love from My Blessed Life
Showing Love Through Cupcakes from Good Cheap Eats
Marriage and Money in the Christian Home from Kingdom First Mom

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers, We Are That Family, A Holy Experience and the Time-Warp Wife.

Our Family Went To New York City Last Weekend

Last weekend, I took the kids to see their daddy on a business trip 7 hours away in PA (really it was more like 10 with all the stops for the kids). Can I just say for the record - traveling alone with kids is hard. Even with the DVD player going and bags stuffed with toys, it's hard. We weren't able to leave our sin natures at home - so it wasn't long before there was bickering in the back seat (I was wishing I had a candle to light in the car lol!).

So we arrived in far east Pennsylvania and we met my husband. From there we took a train to Penn Station, a taxi to Battery Park and a ferry to see the Statue of Liberty. How grand she is!
Did I mention we waited in line for nearly 2 hours to catch the ferry? As an impatient American, that was not my favorite experience of the day! Did I mention there was a security check that made us feel like criminals? Did I mention how we were all squished on the ferry to the island?

From the Statue of Liberty we boarded the ferry to head to Ellis Island.
God had a life lesson in store for me!

My great grandfather came over on a boat from Hungary in the early 1900's - so I stood where he stood. As I read the history of the horrific 1+month boat ride from Europe - to the land of opportunity - I was humbled. The pictures of the travelers squished onto the boat with the clothes on their back and nothing but hope packed in their hearts touched me.

Suddenly the 10 hour drive, train ride, taxi ride, long line, security check and ferry ride seemed minor compared to what my Great Grandpa went through to see Lady Liberty!

Great Grandpa came with a dream - to make life better for generations to come and there I stood - living out his dream. Could he have imagined how amazing his great granddaughter's life would be - all because of his sacrifice? Thank you Lord for such a brave and visionary Grandpa!

His name is on the wall of Ellis Island - he is Jozsef M Degi. He left his wife behind to come and work and earn money to send for her. It took him TEN years to get the money to send for his wife - could you imagine? Her name is under his - Katalin Szasz Degi.
Their sacrifice is my reward.


As I looked at my overflowing trunk to come back to Ohio, I was humbled. I had more in my car for a 4 day weekend trip than my Great Grandpa had on the boat.


I want a piece of my Great Grandpa's courage. I want his fortitude. I want his vision. I want his strength. I want his endurance. I want his diligence. I want his hope.

Psalm 145:4,5

"One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts. They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works."

Tell your children how God has blessed your family and the people he has used to create your present. Tell the stories - let the next generation hear of God's marvelous works, his grace, his love. See to it that your children are inspired to have courage and hope like those who have come before them.

Walk with the King!

How To Handle Disappointment In Marriage

Last Monday I wrote a post titled: Is the Grass Really Greener In Other Marriages? I included a larger version of this youtube video parody of Taylor Swift's song Love Story. This video compares the dreams women have coming into marriage and the reality that it's much harder than we ever imagined, especially when we add children into the equation. Some of you responded saying it made you sad or teary.

I think this video conjured up the emotion of disappointment. Maybe the difficulties of marriage and parenting has caught you by surprise and you struggle with that. You are not alone in your struggles, let me share with you about a time when I was deeply disappointed.

I remember our first beach vacation with the kids. My son was 3 and my daughter was 18 months. I assumed it would be a great getaway - but to my horror it was more work than being home. We stayed in a condo where I was cooking breakfast and lunch and our dinners out were stressful managing the kids.

On the beach, I was not able to sit down for a moment to relax, I was chasing my 18 month old as she cheerfully ran up the beach, stuck her head in the sand or ran into the ocean. I had brought a book to read but never cracked it open. Then a rainy day came and everyone looked at me to entertain them! I was like Mary Poppins all day trying to pull tricks out of my bag to keep the kids busy. I was exhausted at the end of vacation.

I remember standing at the washing machine in the condo folding clothes and feeling completely filled with disappointment. I told my husband, I wanted just one hour alone on the beach. So while the kids napped, I went to the ocean and just sat there and cried. I cried and talked to Jesus and told him how I felt - and then I sat there in peace enjoying the peaceful breeze and sound of the roaring waves. Releasing those tears in prayer and pausing to take in the moment helped my inner wars to quiet down and be at peace.

4 years later I wish I could talk to that sad girl on the beach and give her hope. I wish I could have hugged her and said - what you are feeling is normal. You are learning selflessness - you are experiencing growing pains. It's going to be okay and some day you are going to laugh at the memories of this vacation. You are doing the right things. Don't give up and don't be discouraged. God sees you, he hears you and he loves you.


Here is How I have learned to handle disappointments:

1. Go straight to Jesus. It's okay to cry to him. He cares - he loves you so. One of my favorite passages to go to when I'm in tears is I Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Girls - I have soaked pillows meditating on this verse! Cast your cares on him...do you see why? Because he truly deeply CARES FOR YOU! You are not alone! He hears you and loves you so!

2. Change your expectations. Now that you see that reality does not match up to fairy tales accept this truth. Turn from critical and negative thoughts and open your eyes wide to see the blessings that are in your life. Count your blessings one by one - literally get out a piece of paper and do this! I Thessalonians 5:16-18 says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

3. Allow your family trials and daily struggles to mature you. James 1:3,4 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance MUST finish its work so that you may be mature and complete."

4. Have hope - this isn't the end of your story. Step back and look at the big picture. What is God teaching you right now through your trials that will help you in the next season of life. Colossians 2:2 "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."

And take heart that you are not alone - you have sisters in Christ who are in the trenches with you. Be strong - "do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9


Walk with the King!

How 2 Years of Blogging Has Changed My Life

Next month, I will have been blogging for 2 years. At this point, blogging has taken up a HUGE chunk of my free time. This ministry has changed my life.


The emails I receive from hurting women - have touched me.


The encouragement and support from women whose lives are being changed - have touched me.


The criticism I have received from angry women - have touched me.


The writing of other bloggers in the "blogging community" - have touched me.


But most of all - the King of Kings and Lord of Lords has touched me. He has opened my eyes to the needs, hurts and beauty of my generation. He has opened my eyes to the beauty of the Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman. He has opened my eyes to what the word GRACE really means.


We do not and will not all look alike. There is no cookie cutter mold for how we as women will serve our God. We each have our own story from where we came, where we are today and where we are going tomorrow.


We are journeying together in this thing we call life. If I have ever appeared to have it all together - I apologize - because I am a very flawed sinner saved by grace. Nothing more.


During these two years, I've been surprised by some of my bloggy happenings...things like the Rachael Ray Show producer emailing me (I remember being weak in the knees during that phone call!) or when my readership spiked over 1,000 visitors in a day for the first time. Sure, those moments are exciting. But it's not what my blogging is all about.


It's about me being faithful to what I believe God is calling me to do. As I listen to God, submit to my husband, train my children, serve in my home and then turn my attention to the social media world -I open myself up - and say - here I am Lord, use me.


Has God laid a ministry on your heart? Have you surrendered your life to him saying "use me Lord Jesus". Oh, it's scary to say those words - but let me testify - it's so exciting too! There are hard nitty gritty painful days but THEN there are those moments when I sit on my deck, with my face towards the sun and the wind blows and I feel his presence like a warm coat around me. I have never been more confident in my life that this is the work God prepared in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10) .


I am reminded of Noah building the ark for days on end. Others walked by and wondered what in the world he was doing! (and trust me I have had plenty of people say "you do what? You blog? Why? Who has time for that?) In Genesis 6:9 the Bible says "Noah walked with God". This is what Noah was doing - walking with the King! And this is what happens when you walk with the King. The King might ask you do to something outside of your comfort zone!

Dear sister, take risks - follow the King of Kings! Is he asking you to submit to your husband? Is that scary to you? Do it - and you will find freedom there! Is he asking you to sacrifice something you enjoy so that you can spend time training your children? Do it - you won't regret it. Is he asking you to step out of your home and talk to your neighbor, your cousin or a mom on your child's soccer team? Do it! Be like Noah - who surrendered his all to the King - took a risk - and found joy on the other side. Do it!

If I can - so can you! But you must be listening - you must be sure that the quiet voice you hear is God's. And when you are sure it is - surrender.


I'm reminded of missionary and martyr Jim Elliot's quote "Where ever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

God can use anyone and he wants to use you. Below is a 4 minute video by Author and best seller of Crazy Love, Francis Chan. At birth his mom died. At 9 his step-mom died. At 12 his father died. His only close family was his aunt and uncle and at 16 they both DIED! And so at 16 Francis had nothing...

Are you living a "safe" life? Then You MUST watch this video - it is only 4 minutes long - but it will prepare you for the day you meet Jesus!

Join me in abandoning the safe life - let's serve our King of Kings with every breath we have - till we all meet together in heaven! I'll see you there!

Walk with the King!

Failure

Who likes failure? Not me!!! Back in June I shared with you the planting of our very first garden. It truly was a joy to plant and the hope of juicy fresh veggies was on everyone's minds. Well...let me be honest...I failed.


We had very heavy rainfalls for 10 days straight after our planting - and moss began to grow in our garden! Uh oh - I knew that couldn't be a good sign. Then weeds began to grow and I couldn't tell a weed from a seedling - uh oh! That can't be good either. So I let the weeds grow a little, while we looked at books and tried to decipher. Eventually it was clear the seeds had been washed away and most of what was growing in our sweet garden were weeds.


There were a few hopes though. Our strawberries were beginning to get plump and turning light shades of red. Our corn stalks shot up to the sky and our tomato and green pepper plants did have signs of veggies. BUT then the birds came and ate the berries. And something (I don't know what?) tore down and ate all of our corn stalks in the middle of night just last week! Devastating!


At this point all we have in our garden are tomatoes and green peppers. Both have unripe veggies forming BUT I just noticed yesterday one of the tomatoes has a huge bite taken out of it. This is not a good sign!


SO, I failed miserably at our very first garden...


I shared this with a bloggy friend who has ten children and lives on 16 acres where she grows her own food, raises beef cattle, has her own dairy cow, sheep for meat, chickens for meat and eggs, ducks, geese, cats and dogs for pets and horses as well.


Today she wrote a blog post for me at A Moment With M.O.M. Maybe you will find something in there for you too.


The children are very disappointed but I have already told them - we will not give up and we will try again next year. After talking with a few friends, I have realized some of my flaws and why we have had our failure.

It's a part of life...falling down...getting back up again...the feelings of defeat....rising with defiant joy .


Life is filled with hard moments. We do have a choice - will we choose defiant joy or defeat? On our own - we will be defeated. But when we walk with the King - Romans 8:37 tells us: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." Don't let your failures define you.

Get back up again and Walk with the King!

Our Very First Garden

The Plan. Teacher mommy and little pilgrims billow with hope as they write out the plan for their first garden.The Place is not inviting. The curse is remembered "Cursed is the ground because of you; (Adam) through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles for you and you will eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food." Gen. 3:17-19They work in the hot sun preparing the soil. An hour later perseverance and exhaustion battle. Exhaustion leads to irritability. Children waver...mommy chooses the route of encouragement and praise. It works - Perseverance wins!The stones are removed for we are reminded of the parable of the sower. "Some seed fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly...but when the sun came up, the plants were scorched." Matt. 13:5. The seeds are measured and dropped into their nests and teacher mommy reminds the children, God says: "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously." 2 Cor. 9:6

And so the pilgrims sow and sow and sow, for they desire an abundant harvest.
Hope is born in children's hearts. Lessons are taught as dirty hands dig and sweaty brows drip. Teacher mommy quotes one of her favorite verses: "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24 Children are reminded how they are like the seeds, someday they will produce many more seeds if they are willing to be used by God. Life is a garden. We plan, we toil, we sow, we die to self and we wait on God for the increase.

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Heb. 11:1

The rain comes and comes 7 straight days in Ohio, the sun does not shine and the seeds do not sprout. The seedlings are beaten down and weary. Will there be a harvest?

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." Heb.11:6

Teacher mommy reminds children "you have sown generously now be patient - your reward is coming."


And then it happens, the sprouting of corn, the row of lettuce appears overnight, 10 green cherry tomatoes appear and the pinnacle - a ripe strawberry!

Persevere in faith, sweet Christian sister. Sow generously - Indeed rewards are coming.

Walk with the King!

No Guilt - No Regrets

Hebrews 12:1b "Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

Recently I was reading some blogs that were convicting me. Or should I say they were making me feel guilty. Guilty for using facebook, twitter and blogging. Guilty for the time I use on technology. So I had to sit back and ask myself - why am I blogging? Is it a selfish pursuit? Is it causing damage to my family?

And then like a wave rushing over me, my very next thought was - because I have ONE life - I'm living it full throttle for Jesus!

Blogging is hard work. The late nights writing and answering emails are not for the weary at heart! Women Living Well is not about me. It's about my passion - my mission - my burden for my weary sisters in Christ!!!

I have one life and I'm living it full throttle for Jesus! I'm giving my all! I'm not gonna rust out sitting on my duff watching reality television! And I certainly don't want to burn out, due to my failure to depend on God's strength. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, I desire to simply be a light on the hill (Matt.5:14) burning faithfully till God calls me home.

I must lean hard on Jesus. Do you feel like respecting and submitting to your husband is so hard? Lean on Jesus for strength and go for it full throttle! Give it your all!

Do you home school and feel exhausted? Stop doing it in your own strength - call on Jesus and stay in the game - full throttle!

Are you exhausted in ministry with people's troubles, back biting, complaining or lack of support - take your eyes off of your troubles and put them onto your worthy Savior and do it full throttle for him.

Reading our Bible's daily, respecting our husbands, training our children, creating homes that are havens and reaching a lost world is NOT an easy to-do list - but we must give it our all. Not in a selfish way to receive something but for Jesus.

I'm reminded of missionary and martyr Jim Elliot's quote "Where ever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

Why do I bother to blog, facebook, youtube and twitter? Because that is where the next generation of ladies are at and I want to make an impact there. Where has God planted you in this season of life? "Be all there, live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God"! "Run with perseverence the race marked out for you." (Heb.12:1b)I only have one life and I'm living it to the hilt -full throttle - no guilt, no regrets - join me!

Walk with the King!

Unanswered Prayer

Recently I have received gut wrenchingly painful emails from women who are suffering in broken and troubled marriages and a season of unanswered prayers. I tell my children often, "God is always watching, he is always listening and he cares for you". I pray that one day when "mommy" isn't there to comfort their hurts that this truth will be so ingrained in their minds, that they will always sense the ultimate comforter there with them.

On Monday in my quiet time I read Psalm 121, which says: "I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber."

Dear reader, if you are struggling with unanswered prayers - please know that God does not slumber. He is still in control. He will not let your foot slip. Please persevere in prayer.

I've attached this song by Casting Crowns titled "I Will Praise You In This Storm". As you listen - if you need to cry, cry. If you need to pray, pray. If you need to praise the Lord, praise Him. Ultimately, if you are carrying a burden - drop it right here and now into God's lap. Jesus says he is our great shepherd and we are his sheep - we are not donkeys. We were not created to carry heavy burdens. So leave your burdens with Jesus and praise him. The darkness will lift as you praise him.

Lyrics to I Will Praise You In The Storm

I was sure by now
God you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say
“Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper
through the rain“I’m with you”

And as You mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives
And takes away.

I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are

No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side

And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper
through the rain“I’m with you”

And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth


So I say with confidence to you dear reader, "God is always watching, God is always listening, he does not slumber, He cares for you." Persevere in Prayer.


Walk with the King!

What is Ministry?

I received this poem in an email yesterday right when I was sitting down to write my next blog post. The words rang with such truth that I thought - "this must be tomorrow's post". As you read this poem - apply this first to your ministry as a wife and mother and second to those inside and outside your church.

WHAT IS MINISTRY?

Ministry is....

Giving when you feel like keeping...

Praying for others when you need prayed for...

Feeding others when your own soul is still hungry...

Living truth before people when you cannot see results...

Hurting for others when your own hurts cannot be spoken...

Keeping your word when it is not convenient...

Being faithful when your own flesh wants to run away.

-Author Unknown


As a young girl my mom had me memorize Luke 9:23: "Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." As a follower of Christ, we must learn to deny ourselves and follow in the footsteps of our Savior - sacrificing all for him who is worthy. I pray today that you would be willing to minister to your loved ones even when life is not rosy and finding the strength is not easy.


Walk with the King!

Will You Choose Joy or Defeat?

Little eyes stare up at me, her head is hot and feverish and she's thirsty. With her lamby lovie in one arm and her purple blanket in the other she heads to the couch to get some rest and drink from her sippie. I lay a cold wash cloth on her head and the dimple gleams for a moment "thank you mommy." She chooses joy.

Little eyes stare up at me as he begs to play monopoly. Exhausted I answer, "Not tonight dear". Son's countenance falls...my heart feels heavy too - "go get the game." We play, we laugh, we love. We choose joy.

Leader husband is weary...problems, troubles, burdens and cares bring hardship in his work. We cannot lift his burdens for him - he must carry them on his own. But he is not alone. Little hugs and kisses, cuddles and cards are made - he chooses joy.

How do we stand the hardships of life? How do we as weary moms and wives help those in our home as they face their own hardships? We have weary pilgrims in our house who need comfort, rest, love and a replenishing of spirits. We must role model defiant joy! We must choose joy and smile despite our feelings of defeat at times..

We have the power to bring joy to our entire family.

As I walked along outside in the cold last week - something beautiful caught my eye. My hydrangea was blooming - yes, it was nearly December in Ohio and one little bloom was fighting to survive. As a matter of fact it seemed defiant. In the midst of hardship, even snow - that bloom smiled and glistened in the November chill! Oh to be strong like this bloom. To be able to smile in the face of hardship.

We do have a choice - will you choose joy or defeat? On our own - we will be defeated. But when we walk with the King - Romans 8:37 tells us: "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us."


As I grabbed my camera to capture this bloom with definat joy - it winked at me and whispered, "see me, I can rise up and sparkle in the sunshine despite the fact that I am surrounded by trouble and death. You can too!"


Walk with the King,

How A Mother of Ten Deals With Weariness

I have been receiving emails from moms who want to know how to deal with the weariness of being a mom. So I emailed my facebook friend who always has joy in her journey - Jeanette Wood. We crossed paths on her blog at A Moment With Mom . Today she'll share her "secret" with us young moms.


Here she is:

My name is Jeanette Wood(pictured at right). I am the wife to my best friend, Joe, and the mother of ten children ages 21-5(pictured above along with their grandparents). Six children were born from us physically and four were born from our hearts through adoption. We have a special needs child, our adopted son, who was born with FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome).

Life is always busy at my home but also blessed! Our days are often filled with home school activities, living on a robust farm, and sharing our lives with others. Currently, we live on 16 acres where we grow our own food, raise beef cattle, have our dairy cow, sheep for meat, chickens for meat and eggs, ducks, geese, cats and dogs for pets and horses as well.

My husband is a truck driver and is often on the road for a week at a time. I have had to learn how to juggle the demands of the day with him long distance. We enjoy living simply and have spent many years of our marriage living 'off the grid.' Living without electricity, washing our cloths in a creek, harvesting our food from nature, cooking over an 1800's wood cook stove, growing our own groceries and learning to process the food we grew or raised.

The Lord has and continues to do a transforming work on my life Courtney. Often people 'see' who I am today and believe I must of never suffered the pain of sin, had a perfect childhood, made all the right choices, had a perfect marriage, never weathered life storms and yet that is simply not the case.

Here's what I asked Jeanette: "Having 10 kids would overwhelm most of us - is there one verse that you would recommend to a weary mom and tell us practically speaking how you overcome the challenges of weariness so you can enjoy your children."

Oh, one of my favorite verses is: Galatians 6:9 "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not."

Let's face it; life is simply hard at times! There are so many challenges we face, struggles we wrestle with and unexpected courses that take our breath away. Life is not for wimps and some days I wonder if I am not the queen of wimps! However, the Lord has faithfully taught me over the years and continues to do so.

Let me share what I have learned. There are three things sure to bring a spirit of weariness in my life.

1- Trying to do things in my own strength. I will never forget the day the Lord talked to me about this lesson. I was a young momma of three, driving across town to take a meal to a friend who had just come home from the hospital. My day had been overwhelming and I was in tears as I considered the dishes I needed to do, the laundry that was piling up and the school lessons I still needed to grade. As I prayed for help, the Lord reminded me that I can come up with many 'wonderful ideas' but that doesn't mean they are His ideas.

If I just do the things I think are wonderful and don't carefully pray about what He wants me to do I will become weary. I won't have the measure of grace to see me through, the strength to complete the task before me nor the joy to share with others in the process. I won't have the confidence to endure the trials because I don't have the confidence of knowing I am right where He wants me. This means that I must take time to sit at His feet, that I must truly study His Word and prayerfully considering my thoughts and actions.

2- Getting caught up in 'rights.' When I start counting offenses, or thinking about what I deserve, what's right or what's fair. I'm sure to grow weary and fast! I am constantly reminding myself, and the children, that we were "bought with a price- we are not our own." My days are ordered by the Lord... good ones, bad ones and ho-hum ones! Each day God is doing an eternal work in my life for His glory and my own good. I must release what I feel I have 'rights' to and allow Him to simply work.

3- Expectations. This is related to the second issue yet, important to mention specifically. Expectations are dangerous to have and often lead to weariness. We all have certain expectations to some degree but it is important to let go of the expectations that keep our relationships in turmoil. I have learned to inspect my children's work instead of expecting them to do it. I have learned to appreciate what my husband does instead of expecting him to do something for me. I have learned that I have Joy when I am considering how I can serve others instead of how others are serving me.

There are still many times when I remind myself that I have done all I know how to do and now I must wait for the Lord to accomplish His work. "Duty is ours results are God's" is one of my favorite quotes from John Quincy Adams. I must continue to do what I know He has called me to do even when I don't see the fruit of my labor, for in due season I will reap a reward!

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Thanks Jeanette for sharing!!! Wednesday we will hear again from Jeanette when she shares a list of practical things we can do to manage our homes without weariness. For more encouragement today from Jeanette go to A Moment With Mom. (Last week she shared wisdom on Potty Training, Laundry Issues and Sibling Issues) You will be blessed!

And just a side note, my life verse happens to be Galatians 6:9!! If you don't have it memorized - I highly recommend you jot it down and begin to memorize it! God has used it in my life to combat weariness more times than I can count!

Walk with the King!