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Women Living Well Blog: Vlog: Positive Parenting Tips

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Vlog: Positive Parenting Tips

My last vlog (video blog) was on How To Give Your Child An Effective Time Out. Today's vlog builds on the previous one by showing how to focus on our children's virtues rather than their vices.

I am calling this Positive Parenting because this is an entirely different approach to take towards your child's poor behavior. It is much easier to verbally reprimand or scold your child than to take the time to do virtue training BUT we reap what we sow.

This positive parenting takes time, patience, love, creativity, knowing God's word, gentleness, and intentional instruction. Both methods work hand in hand as you Biblically correct your child and train your child to live peacefully in your home. It is important that we sow seeds of righteousness and in time we will see fruit from our labor.

(once again - my daughter walks into the room while I'm making the video...she was reminding me of something I had not forgotten. Thanks Alexis lol! Oh well - it's real life here and I don't like second takes!!)

Walk with the King!

I am linking up here :

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Anonymous Broooke D said...

Love it!!! thanks for such great practical examples yet again!!! And as always, thank you for your ministry!

November 14, 2010 at 11:24 PM  
Blogger momstheword said...

Well, I have tried two different browsers and I still can't see your video! Don't know if it's my computer or what.

I'll try again later and maybe I'll be able to see it.

So, I can't comment but I can thank you for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday.

November 14, 2010 at 11:37 PM  
Blogger Darlene Schacht said...

I always love your videos. Awesome!!

November 14, 2010 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger Toni said...

Okay, love this. I'm going to write down a single virtue-vice I desire to focus on for the month for each of my four children. Love you and your ministry, Courtney. Have a blessed week!

November 14, 2010 at 11:47 PM  
Blogger Carolyn said...

Thanks for the vlog Courtney, it was awesome to sit and have a coffee with you in my kitchen bench in australia!!
I really struggle with some aspects of parenting and having the Biblical based confidence to make right choices while parenting through illness.
I am so thoroughly appreciative of your series.
I love the vice virtue approach and growing a heart virtue by encouragement- Just a wonderful approach that I am starting on right now!
Biggest hugs sweet sister,
In His Grace

November 15, 2010 at 12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:) I think it was in the duggars' book. they also have a chart on their website with the virtues and vices.
I really like your take on it though. Thanks so much for sharing, I think it's how I want to raise my kids ( too young for that right now) Also I don't want to just say "you are so nice/cute etc." but mention which virtue they are practicing "you are so obedient etc." :)

November 15, 2010 at 4:11 AM  
Anonymous Becky said...

Such a great message. Very practical and useful for the future! As my son gets older I will definitely incorporate this into our parenting.

November 15, 2010 at 6:49 AM  
Blogger Traci Michele said...

It stops at 1:41.... I'll check back later because I LOVE it already :-)


November 15, 2010 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Sonya Schroeder said...

Thanks Courtney for this wise addition of adding to our household. Please find what book you got that from lol Everyday the enemy is trying to take over our kids and as moms we have to stand strong in showing our children Gods way. Love ya girl

November 15, 2010 at 8:13 AM  
Blogger Lisa Grace said...

Have you read the book Raising Godly Tomatoes? So much of what you share lines up with it. I love that book; it has helped transform our home :)

November 15, 2010 at 9:08 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Lisa Grace - I have not read the Raising Godly Tomatoes book but I have read a ton on her website and it was SOOO helpful back when my son was 3 and 4! Maybe it was there? I'd have to go look! You know all the parenting books seem to just blob together at this point. lol! Each one has a great point for this child or that season of life. It's like sugar and spice - a drip of this a drop of that and you get what works for you!! :-)!

Thanks for mentioning Elizabeth's site!

November 15, 2010 at 9:14 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

For those interested - here's the Raising Godly Tomatoes website - I do not agree or endorse every "philosophy" she has but there are some helpful practical things on her website for moms...


November 15, 2010 at 9:16 AM  
Blogger jenniferO said...

Thanks! I love it!

November 15, 2010 at 9:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great advice! Pertinent in everything we do. What we focus on grows. If you focus on the negative, it gets stronger, but if you focus on helping them with the virtue, the positive, that is what gets more attention and it will grow!
Love your videos!

November 15, 2010 at 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lots of good ideas. Thanks!!

I struggle when I have set up some sort of reward-for-good-behavior system (like your heart chart) because my kids (i have two) turn into really prideful, fake-o's. They become VERY cheesy and will say things over and over in my presence to get more and more rewards. It is difficult for me to judge their hearts because I don't want to discourage an attempt at kind words and actions, but I don't want to reward that kind of behavior either. Mothers really know their kid's hearts and mine get SO bad when they go through a challenge like this.
How can I make a challenge without bringing these character traits out in them???
Thanks for being a 'lighthouse' for us!

November 15, 2010 at 10:41 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Stam said...

Sounds like a great tip thanks

November 15, 2010 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger LaToya said...

This was so helpful! As a single mom of very active boys I often forget that focusing on the positive things is just as important as correcting the negative. I need to be more purposeful in training my boys in the positive behaviors that God wants us all to have. I'm usually not a fan of reward charts but I like your idea of a heart chart. Some visual motivation to go along with the training!

November 15, 2010 at 12:12 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Thank you for this!! I have a 2 and 4 year old.. both boys! And wow, here lately I have just been at a loss for what to do! I think this could be great to help my 4 year old! This was great encouragement for me!

November 15, 2010 at 12:44 PM  
Blogger Darlene said...

Courtney, I loved this so much. Your videos are like sitting down to tea with a wise friend. Thank you.

I love the idea of vice vs. virtue! How wonderful. It reminds me of a parenting concept I learned using Ephesians 4:22-24, putting off your old and putting on your new self. If we do not equip our children with what the new self looks like, they don't have the tools to put off the old.

I will be dwelling on your thoughts today.

November 15, 2010 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Audrey said...

What a timely post! Although I'm having a little trouble adapting it. My 3-year-old daughter has a problem with whining. She whines about EVERYTHING. Whether it's because she's hungry or because her 1-year-old sister is playing with one of her toys (whether she was playing with it or it was sitting on the floor untouched), or because she doesn't want to go to bed, or because she wants juice instead of milk.... she just whines all the time! Please help me turn this around. How could I use the whining to cultivate a virtue?

November 15, 2010 at 5:47 PM  
Blogger Mellissa said...

THANK YOU FOR THIS! I needed this today! One of my kids is sick, and feels like he gets to take his frustration out on everyone- he has been so unkind today! Thank you for reminding me to focus on the good, and work to plant seeds of virtue that will grow with love and care, rather than just focusing on the weeds. THANK YOU! I watched your vlog on time-outs, I LOVED IT! I do time outs, but I have never thought of asking the children why their actions are not what God would want, and asking them to explain what God WOULD want. THANK YOU! I did it tonight with my son, and he looked at me as if a light had gone on! He needed a little bit of help, but using your method for younger kids, we were able to talk it though! YOU ARE THE BEST! THANKS!

November 15, 2010 at 8:55 PM  
Blogger suzel said...

Hello, I pratice this with my children (girl 13 and boy 10).
I'm sure that right, the better is to focus on virtue!!!!
But it's sometimes hard.
Blessings from France

November 16, 2010 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Ashlee @ The Vintage Housewife said...

It seems very much like attachment parenting, which I am a big supporter of, as is my Husband. We call it redirecting bad behavior, around here. I believe that praise is the key when it comes to parenting.

You've given some good tips and advice, as always! The advice about fighting and such is really helpful to me, as I'm dealing with something similar with my boys lately.

Thank you so much for posting, you're always so encouraging and inspiring!

November 16, 2010 at 2:10 PM  
Blogger Sarah beth said...

Love your Videos!

This was great, topic I needed some advise on too! Cant wait to start.... thank you!

November 16, 2010 at 8:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Courtney our GMG is a mix of 12 Christian women with different religious backgrounds. How do we keep from debating the differences in our faith, which is becoming an issue this week. Three of us are trying to stay neutral and focus on THE BIBLE and what we are reading but "my religion is the only truth" keeps coming up? What should we do? GMG has been such a blessing to lots of us and is sooo great for our families when MOMMA is in the word daily. Thanks
Erin B
Minooka IL

November 16, 2010 at 9:17 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Erin - I just emailed you.

Audrey - the opposite of whining is cheerfulness and self-control. So I would focus on teaching her how to speak cheerfully and with self-control. And also, teach her how to ask for things correctly for example if she says - "I'm huuuuuuuungry" say - Mommy's ears do not understand whining but they do understand requests - say to mommy "can I have a snack mommy?" Teach her how to express herself in more appropriate pleasant ways. Give her the words to say and don't let her have what she wants until she has said it pleasantly. This will take time.

One thing I tell my kids is "when you are smiling all the way to your toes then you can do xyz." Teach them to maintain a cheerful heart.

Hope this helps a little - I'm afraid there's no magical answers - keep on teaching her and praying and she will get it soon.

Much Love,

November 16, 2010 at 9:26 PM  
Anonymous Nell@LoveLetters said...

Great advice. First time here, you have a lovely blog.


November 16, 2010 at 10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love this! Great advice!

November 16, 2010 at 10:50 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

Thank you Courtney. That's so helpful. You are so sunny and cheerful. Such an encourager and blesser of others.

November 17, 2010 at 5:21 AM  
Blogger Jamie @ Sweet Bits said...

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I've put up your button as well as GMG button on both of my blogs.

You are by far my favorite blogger, so I wanted to be able to tell everyone about your blog.

November 17, 2010 at 7:42 AM  
Blogger MelaKamin said...

Just what I needed today, Courtney - what a great Word you shared! I will definitely look to building the virtues, rather than focusing on the vices. And, I love the heart chart - perfect object lesson. Had to smile as you were wrapping up and the kids came home - awesome job!

November 18, 2010 at 2:15 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

Thank you very much for the great vlog! I love the heart chart idea and made one for my daughter. Here is the link to it. Take a look. Thanks again!

November 20, 2010 at 8:27 PM  
Anonymous Emily Freelove said...

Thanks for the great post! Very good to have positive information.

November 22, 2010 at 9:30 PM  
Anonymous parenting tips said...

Watching your videos is so much fun. Today's video about parenting is so great. I am sure that lots of people will going to watch this.

December 4, 2010 at 12:51 AM  
Blogger Flamingo said...

i was ready to start with, "how did you grow so wise?" but then i answered my own question:) (aka walk with the king:) love this . i did this at one point but really need to pull it out again. you would think i would learn from myself by kid number 4 but they continue to baffle me.

off to see what proverbs says about mouthy 4 year olds. lol

December 8, 2010 at 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Parenting tips said...

Nice post! Agreed with your tips!! According to me at the certain age of the children they want friend more than parents, so its better you to be a friend of your child.

May 6, 2011 at 2:44 AM  

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