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Women Living Well Blog: You Have Two Feet, Get It Yourself!

Women Living Well Blog

Monday, February 22, 2010

You Have Two Feet, Get It Yourself!

So we've all heard the list of priorities we should have - God first, your husband second, your children third, your home fourth and your ministry last.

But how can we practically put our husband above the needs of our children, home, and ministry?

Consider this scenario - a woman invites over a couple families for dinner. She has been cooking and cleaning all day and by the time the guests arrive she is nearly exhausted but she has a second wind from all the excitement.

She wants to be a good hostess so as people take a seat in the living room she begins to offer drinks. She gets some drinks for the children. She pours some drinks for her friends and as she serves it to them her husband says "Honey, can I have an ice tea?" She thinks WHAT? I'm slaving here in the kitchen, you sit there on the couch visiting and you have the audacity to ask me for a drink? So there in front of everyone she answers "you have two feet, get one yourself." Everyone laughs including her husband (he's so embarrassed what choice does he have) he gets himself a drink, helps her in the kitchen because he realizes she's a bit stressed, and the night goes on. She thinks - I was right and plus it worked - he got the point and started helping a bit!

What happened there? Who came first in this scenario? the children , the friends and the man she makes love to - dead last. Worse, she humiliated him when it would have only taken 15 seconds more to pour him a drink.

If she truly needed help, what could she have done? She could have said "sure, but could you come with me into the kitchen a second?" Once they were alone in the kitchen she could privately say, "I need help - I'm a little overwhelmed."

Opportunities to make our husband a priority present themselves everyday. Here's some practical ways I practice this in my own life:

1. When I am going to the store, I ask him if there's anything he needs while I am there.

2. When I make the grocery list I consider what his favorites are (not just the children's)and be sure to make them.

3. When I bake a dessert or dish to take to a gathering with only women, he gets the first serving. So if you see a hole cut out of a cake I bring - you'll know why!

4. At gatherings, I always get his drink for him. At home I offer him drinks regularly too. It's a guesture I enjoy extending to him to show my love.

5. I respect his thoughts and opinions above anyone else's.

In Proverbs 31:28 we see the husband of the Proverbs 31 woman rising up and praising his wife. Does your husband rise up and praise you? Could it be that he does not because he doesn't feel like he is your first priority?

We should not serve our husband to receive praise but rather to please God. God created you and your husband to be one flesh (Matt. 19:5). Your relationship should be a priority above all others! We should question ourselves - do we seek praise more from our friends and co-workers or from our husband? Your husband's opinion should matter most - don't give your husband your leftovers - give him the best of you! And consider delivering him a drink with a kiss tonight!

Walk with the King!
I am participating in Marriage Mondays over at Come Have a Peace.



Blogger Mel said...

Wow, Courtney, very convicting post for me. Thank you for this. I think sometimes I'm guilty of feeling sorry for myself when I need to take a look in the mirror and see if I'm making him feel special or putting him first before others. This really spoke to me.

February 22, 2010 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Stacie said...

Thank you for writing this post. Your posts always seem to be spot on with something I'm either dealing with currently or in the past have dealt with.
I fully believe I do all of the things you listed as suggestions. However, at times I know I fall short in having a servants heart. I know there are times when instead of asking for help I fall into that trap of feeling sorry for myself - thus not allowing Christ to be glorified or my husband to be honored.

February 22, 2010 at 8:28 AM  
Anonymous Tara said...

Once again you've stepped on my toes this morning....and somebody needed to. Thanks for a great post.

February 22, 2010 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger Vicki Cluxton said...

Good post, Courtney. My mother-in-law and father-in-law have modeled this for me for the 35 years I have been in the family. They are wonderful examples of serving one another, and they aren't Christian. For Valentine's day, she spelled out, "I love you" with his Cheerios for breakfast - they've been married 60 years! What a treasure to have been able to see their love at work and to see how love looks to others looking on.

February 22, 2010 at 10:26 AM  
Anonymous Brooke D said...

This is a small but great gesture and I think it is awesome!!! We have guests alot-- I never really thought about it but I do get kids, guests, then my husband's drink or needs. What a way to make a point that he is always first! Thanks again Courney for my daily wife challenge!

February 22, 2010 at 10:31 AM  
Anonymous Kristi Stephens said...

Right on, Courtney. I think so often we "talk" about honoring and respecting our husbands, but fail to do it in the practical things of daily life.

Last week I posted over at Today's Housewife about loving my husband through making my home a haven. It's the little things that sometimes mean the most!! :)

February 22, 2010 at 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have really enjoyed your blog- you make me ashamed of myself many times, but also inspire me to do more/be better :) which is a GOOD THING :)!

I enjoy your take on "wife" behavior much more than I have many takes on the subject. I'm wondering if you have ever heard of "Created to be His HelpMeet" by ? PEarl..., I was given this book from fellow church wives, and became soooooo discouraged by the authors views on a wife's role. Just wonder if you've heard of it, or possible read it?
Thanks so much!

February 22, 2010 at 1:42 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear Anonymous, I have read Created to Be His Helpmeet. I agreed with much of the book except her very firm hold that KJV is the only correct version of the Bible. So I do not recommend this book to others to read for that reason. But to be honest, when I read the book for the first time I really liked the kick in the pants it gave me. But I will admit scattered through out the book are some harsh truths - it's not an easy book to receive.


February 22, 2010 at 2:19 PM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

We talked about this very scenario at our small group last night .... the difference between serving and responding out of obligation and how we each mutually meet each other's needs.

There's no room in a peaceful marriage for selfishness, and you are so right that a little communication can make all the difference in making our needs known so that we can care for each other well.

February 22, 2010 at 2:24 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

I have been married for 6 years and have been with my husband since the ripe age of 12. We didn't grow up in a Christian home by any means and we are learning what it is like to be pioneers for our family. I just want you to know I believe in your way of thinking because they are very biblical. I appreciate your wisdom and it has been a blessing to me and I am sure more to my family. Thank you!

February 22, 2010 at 3:39 PM  
Blogger meda said...

Hey I just wanted to leave a link I found concerning the "CTBHHM" book by the Pearl's. A pastor did a BIBLICAL REVIEW of the book @ IT is NOT a positive review!

February 22, 2010 at 11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its "funny" how you write such applicable lessons just as I am learning them! I apologize upfront for the length of this post, but I just feel like I need to get this off my chest.

This past weekend my husband and I traveled to a city 5 hours away in order to teach for the "men's school." I came along in order to teach the ladies who would accompany their husbands. When we arrived, we realized there was great mis-communication between our contacts there and with the "school" here. The men didn't know we were coming and the women, we later learned, were told not to come at all. The men do not get along, as they are all from different "schools." Eventually the men held some classes in the evenings and I sat and listened. All that to say...I was so frustrated that the ladies weren't there. I felt like the hours I spent in preparation were wasted and that I was an additional burden for my husband throughout a stressful weekend. Without saying a word (didn't want to add to the stress levels) my husband came to me the last night of our trip and said "Babe, I know you're disappointed that the women didn't come, but I am so thankful you are here to keep me sane." I realized at that moment, I had been so focused on what "service" I wanted to give (to the ladies), when all along my Friend was working, using me to encourage my husband.

Thanks again for the reminder of putting our husbands first, even if it means putting him above "teaching at school" or seeing other "neighbors." :)

I liked your example of giving him the first piece of cake! What a simple way to put him first!

February 23, 2010 at 12:39 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

Thanks for this! When my husband and I were dating, I saw how his parents interacted with her always getting him his drink. I must admit I was a bit aggravated by it. He could get it himself, after all! But he was never demanding and she served him happily. Now that I have adopted this practice in my own marriage, I see how it is an act of love, not servitude.

February 23, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Untypically Jia said...

This actually reminds me of something that happened a few years ago. My husband had several friends over, and jokingly he said, "Woman, go fetch me a sandwich!"

I know my husbands sense of humor. That's something he's always saying and we joke about it.

His friends were astonished, just waiting for my violent reaction. They started scooting away from my husband not wanting to catch some of my wrath themselves.

I glared at him for a moment (teasingly) and then a few minutes later I came out from the kitchen with an entire tray of sandwiches for him and all his friends.

His friends were shocked at my response and ever since then they look at my husband like the Husband to top all Husbands! Which is exactly what I want!

February 23, 2010 at 3:11 PM  
Anonymous Alyssa Avant said...

Thank you for this post! SO true, I just "re prioritized" my life you can come read a post about it on my blog . . .

I share it with you because you are part of my inspiration. Thank you!

February 24, 2010 at 1:16 PM  
Blogger Nicholson Photography said...

Great post...A wonderful way of looking the way I should treat my husband. THANK YOU!

April 26, 2010 at 11:17 PM  

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