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Women Living Well Blog: Divorce Is Not An Option

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Divorce Is Not An Option

I am participating in Marriage Mondays over at Come Have a Peace and today's post over there coincides with my post. The title is Icy Conditions. If you are facing Icy Conditions today in your marriage - you must read her post for practical ways to warm up your marriage.

Walk with the King!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also loved it when I learned that, in the light of physics, a ring-shape in a perfect circle is one of the strongest structural shapes there are. Just like a wedding band!
Thanks for the encouragement. Except for a great aunt and uncle and one newlywed cousins, we are the only non-divorced couple in both of our entire families. These are difficult times for marriages...

Your kitchen looks beautiful!

February 14, 2010 at 10:58 PM  
Blogger Theresa said...

Tell it sister. Thanks for the encouragement and reminders to build our marriages for the kingdom! Well said and I love the passion you have when speaking of God's Word. I just finished writing a post on Biblical Love on my blog and then saw yours. I guess Valentine's Day is a great day for this topic.

February 14, 2010 at 11:04 PM  
Blogger Kela said...

Amen and AMEN!! Divorce is something that my husband and I took out of our vocabulary from day 1. With us being an interracial couple, we already figured out that the world is already against us, why are we going to be against each other. We love each other with a ferocious love and we readily fight any of satan's attacks on our minds and emotions.
Thank you for sharing that today!!! Be abundantly blessed!

February 15, 2010 at 9:11 AM  
Blogger Clare said...

I love how you say to work on your marriage and give us ideas on how to do it. I think so many people say they don't want to divorce but then don't give put forth an effort to avoid that situation. Instead, we need to be contributing TOWARDS our marriages, as opposed to staying stagnant. Its a great reminder to put the effort forth that we did while we were dating..honestly, we should give no less to the person we will spend the rest of our live with!

February 15, 2010 at 9:23 AM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

Thanks so much for linking up to Marriage Mondays, Courtney. There's no doubt that marriage is going to lead to lots of work when our commitment is tested. Having this agreement that divorce is not "on the table" helps us stay the course. It's becoming more and more rare, but the blessings of faithfulness to each other are worth it!

February 15, 2010 at 10:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this! I was just counseling a lady in my church about how divorce is not an option. Later I felt like "maybe I was a little too blunt; this lady is twice my age; did I hurt our friendship?" I talked to my husband and he reassured me what I said was right. Again, the Lord confirmed this to me today. Praise God for ladies like you who stick to the Truth unwaveringly and encourage all of us to walk with our King.

February 15, 2010 at 12:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Courtney!! Marriage is hard work. However, nothing is impossible with God. This video blog has truly been a blessing to me:-)


February 15, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Blogger Mandi Miller said...

My husband and I have the same pact. Divorce is to NEVER come out of our mouths! It is simply NOT an option.

February 15, 2010 at 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a born again christian who has been divorced for a year now. It was the best decision I have made for me and my family. A husband who claims to be a "christian" who puts on a good show for the first six months of marriage and then completely does a 360 is not the kind of example I want for my kids or to be my reality.
I deserve more then having my helpmate quit his job voluntarily, then sit in front of a computer all day long playing video games, forcing us to live off all of my first husbands life insurance policy, and driving us into further debt with purchases he made unbeknown to me.
I know that my savior still loves me and cares for me providing my every need. I am a mother to three children, one who is handicap and I go to school full time. I work hard at raising them and showing them God's love. Sometimes, things just don't work out. We all need to be honest when coming into a marriage, and when there is one person lying, that in itself is a recipe for failure. A marriage should be teamwork. it can't be one sided. I am thrilled for all of you who have successful marriages, keep it up! Just don't be quick to judge your sister's in Christ who have made other choices in life.~just a thought.

February 15, 2010 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear Anonymous (entry #4),

Oh yes, our Savior does love you. He is compassionate and forgiving and his grace extends over all our failings. And trust me, I am greatly in need of his grace - I am very flawed!

I hear the pain you have suffered in a difficult marriage and I am so sorry you have been through that.

I went back and listened to my video to double check what I said - I don't believe at any point I judged women who are currently divorced rather I stated what God's word says - 1. Malachi 2:16 God Hates Divorce. 2. Matthew 5:32 except for marital unfaithfulness we are not to divorce. And 3. Matthew 19:6 "What God has joined together let no man seperate."

I stand firmly on God's word - divorce is not an option. If you have trouble with that statement your trouble is with God - not with me.

I know these are not easy words to receive. But they are the truth of God's word that our generation has ignored. I long to see husbands and wives loving each other and children living in safe havens with their birth parents.

We must endure the difficult days of our marriages if we are going to give this to the next generation! With God's help we can persevere even in the midst of hard days.

Much Love,

February 15, 2010 at 4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello Courtney,

No, I don't believe you are judging. I understand you are reading from God's word. I was just making a statement, I apologize if it appeared to be directed at you. I am at peace with God, and have no issue with him in regards to his guidance regarding divorce in the Bible.

February 15, 2010 at 5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can understand where anonymous 4 is coming from. My ex husband was like that. I worked from open to close at the preschool at our church to make ends meet and so I could be there with my children since I could not stay at home with them. God always provided for us. After 10 years though he was so wrapped up in pornography that led to drugs that led to a homosexual affair... all this while showing up with me and our boys every Sunday at church and leading a mens Wednesday night Bible Study. Divorce was such a hard choice for me. My pastor actually recommended divorce, but I could not file until I had complete peace... and that took a few more years. I hoped and prayed that things would change and then things became unsafe for my children.

Divorce is so very hard, and I do agree so many people use it as an "out".

Every situation is so different. I was emotionally and verbally abused by my husband and was so manipulated. It was just a horrible situation, but there is hope after a divorce.

When I was a single mom, God never let us go without... in fact, we had more than enough!

He is always faithful! But, I know that when I went through the divorce care program at another church, I was the only one that had actually "filed", all of the others were "filed upon"... for some reason I was so ashamed of this because of the stigma attached with divorce in the church. It is definitely a sticky topic!!

February 15, 2010 at 5:30 PM  
Blogger Captivated said...

I watched your video. And agree with God's word and you delivered the message gently. However, I was reading the comments and maybe you might have some encouragement for those women who are not currently wives. You have readers who have been divorced, as the Anonymous commenter shared. What encouragement would you have for them? God's word is God's word. But there is life and grace after divorce.

I'm also in ministry with my husband who is a pastor and we should be sensitive to every circumstance -- maybe in your video you could have offered encouragement and God's truth to those who have already been through a divorce.

Whether it was a believer choosing to end the marriage or a believer allowing the unbeliever to leave, Courtney, how will you encourage women AFTER this choice?

We who work in ministry do well to remember that we aren't ministering to cookie cutter marriages, circumstances, or sin patterns.

God's word never fails. Ever. But people do. Thank you for sharing God's truth on divorce. I'd love to see a follow-up video for your readers who are in a new season post-divorce, such as the lady who commented here.

Balance is good!

February 21, 2010 at 4:54 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Melodie -thank you for sharing your story.

Captivated - thank you for your thoughts. I especially agree with this statement:

"We who work in ministry do well to remember that we aren't ministering to cookie cutter marriages, circumstances, or sin patterns."

Thank you for saying that - it pricked my heart! I appreciate your honesty with me and will listen to your suggestion and pray about addressing this.

Much love,

February 22, 2010 at 8:16 AM  
Anonymous Karin said...

Hello. I do agree with your video blog and what God says about divorce. I also want to say that in my marriage, I had the "out" as my husband did have an affair (even had pastors tell me I could get out of the marriage)and has been verbally abusive and manipulative, but I was led to pray for restoration, and more importantly, to pray for his salvation and his walk with Christ. (How can you expect a man, or anyone, to treat you the way they should when they aren't walking with Christ. Even if they are "saved" if they aren't experiencing that relationship with Jesus, it is very easy for the enemy to come in and for them to believe the enemy's lies). I want to encourage others, that God can get you through and can restore your marriage! So many times we look to our husbands to give us the fulfillment that only God can give us. That is only setting us up for disappointment and puts way too much pressure on our husbands. There is a great online marriage ministry - that provided encouragement to me on praying for the return of a prodigal spouse and for restoration of marriages! I really had to take the speck out of my own eye and look at my own sin (had to tame the tongue and God revealed my idolatry of wanting that "great Christian marriage"). Looking at my own sin and dealing with that made it much easier to forgive my husband's sin. And remember the parable of the lost sheep, there will be more rejoicing in heaven when the one lost sheep returns. Women, even if your husband has commmitted adultery, it does not mean the end of your marriage. Anything is possible with God, and he is BIG enough to heal you, to protect you and to restore your marriage and give you the marriage intended for you. A restored marriage by God after adultery can be a testimony and used for His Glory! Your husband will fail you, he is not 100% trustworthy. No one is, except God!I will continue to remain faithful and obedient to my marriage covenant, which is to God first and will continue to pray for restoration in our marriage. BTW, my husband is now home and God is working in his heart. It has been a long process, but if we look at our lives as being the hands and feet and Jesus and furthering His Kingdom, and not so much of our own, relying on God to get us through this, He will! He has been my husband for this season of my life and it has been awesome!!!!!

February 26, 2010 at 10:25 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Karin - what a POWERFUL testimony you have!!!!! I will be quoting your comment in the future - I hope that is okay - thank you so much for sharing this - I know this can encourage a lot of women. Thank you for opening up - your love and closeness to God is evident to all.

Thank you!

February 26, 2010 at 10:42 AM  
Blogger Katy~The Country Blossom said...

Amen!!!! Beautiful video! I loved your words! :)

March 1, 2010 at 8:59 AM  

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