Mailbag: Questions Regarding Marriage

I received two questions regarding marriage in my mailbag:

1. In response to my video on "How To Be the Woman of Your Husband's Dreams" I was asked: "What happens when you don't admire your husband? Then what?" signed Anonymous


So what happens when your marriage has fizzled and you simply don't have a high regard for your husband anymore? Your marriage is in trouble and you have the power to turn it around if you will be willing to sacrificially minister to your husband.

Men are attracted to a smile. A woman who wears a disapproving scowl is not a welcoming woman and men know exactly what we are thinking without a word. But a smile, a warm appreciative word, a warm meal, a tender hug and kiss will go along way to making a man - act like a gentleman.

If your husband has done something that makes him unworthy of your praise, I suggest you look harder... did you notice his strong hands and broad shoulders are still just as handsome as the day you fell in love with him. Did he go to work today? Thank him. Does he play with the kids? Is he loyal? Driven? Funny? Intelligent? Kind? Generous? I just don't believe you would have married him if he was rotten to the core! There has to be something praiseworthy about him.

In some way, he may have failed you and now you cannot get past that. If he senses your disapproval he may be giving you a cold shoulder to protect himself from being hurt by you. Now you are at a stale mate - anonymous - please be willing to be the first to selflessly extend some generous praise to your husband. You can begin to restore the intimacy of your marriage.

First, pray daily for your husband to change (rather than nagging, criticizing or giving disapproving looks), then choose to search hard for something to praise and soon you will find that through blessing your husband you yourself are blessed.

"The tongue has the power of life and death," Proverbs 18:21

Breathe life back into your marriage.

2. The second question came from another anonymous commentor: "How can you regain trust in a relationship?" signed Anonymous.

If your husband has broken your trust and he has confessed his sin then forgiveness needs to be extended.

"Forgiveness is hard, especially when it must be extended to a husband or wife who does not deserve it, who hasn't earned it, who may misuse it. It hurts to forgive...especially in a marriage tense with past troubles, tormented by fears of rejection and humiliation and torn by suspicion and distrust.


Forgiveness costs, especially in marriage when it means accepting instead of demanding payment of the wrong done, where it means releasing the other instead of exacting revenge...

Forgiveness is smiling silent love to your partner when the justifications for keeping an insult or injury alive are on the tip of your tongue; yet you swallow them - not because you have to, to keep peace, but because you want to, to make peace...(Forgiveness is when the injured person chooses) to accept his angry feelings, bear the burden of them personally, find release through confession and prayer, and set the other person free." David Augsberger: Cherishable - Love and Marriage (Discipleship Journal #15, p. 36)

To have a strong marriage we must continually pray, forgive and Walk with the King!