Why Me?

Wednesdays in the Word: Ecclesiastes 8

I hold my 6 week old baby in the rocking chair. He is restless and crying so I cuddle him in and begin to nurse. He drinks for a moment and then cries. What is wrong - why is he doing this? He latches on again for a couple minutes and then stops to cry...we do this for 45 minutes and now I am sweating, unsure of myself and uneasy with how nursing is going. We stop and I just rock him. He is peaceful. We rock. He sleeps.

I go to my computer and google "baby crying during nursing". I call my sisters - we discuss it - but I still don't find my answers. He awakes, we again nuzzle into our chair and I bring him to my breast. Again he cries and fusses. No one told me this would be so hard?

It's Easter Sunday - I am so proud to bring my new baby out into public for the world to see - but I have a dark secret...our nursing sessions are stressful. I head up to my old bedroom in my parent's house where I try to nurse him but he refuses to eat. Tears well up in my eyes - what is wrong with me - what is wrong with him - what do I do?

I sit with the lactation consultant at the hospital. She weighs him and then I nurse him for 45 minutes and then she weighs him again...I wait to hear how much milk he took in... he took in 1 ounce. "1 oz - 1 oz - 1 oz in 45 minutes!!! What have I done? My sweet baby boy is starving!" He is immediately given formula - I go home weeping. Weeping over my first failure as a mother.

Have you ever laid in bed awake at night and wondered - Why me? I don't understand these circumstances God? Have you ever felt like a failure - like the rest of the world has it figured out and you are the only one who just can't seem to pull it together? Your will and determination just simply aren't enough? Your 2 year old won't let you buckle them in the car, your 3 year old bites, your four year old hits, your 10 year old struggles with reading, your teenager is defiant, or your grown child is making poor decisions and you sit there helpless.

Ecclesiastes 8:14 says "There is something else meaningless that occurs on earth; righteous men who get what the wicked deserve, and wicked men who get what the righteous deserve."


Have you ever seen a mom of little ones dying of cancer, a young child's life snuffed out in a car accident, a noble man losing his job while a wicked man succeeds. Do you look around and ask what's up with this lopsided world? It doesn't make sense?

Solomon, the wisest man on earth admits in Ecclesiastes 8:16 and 17 there are some things we will never understand on this side of heaven. He says "When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man's labor on earth - his eyes not seeing sleep day or night - then I saw all that God has done. NO one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.

No amount of lost sleep can help us comprehend what God is doing. Though we can put entire libraries on a tiny micro-chip - our human minds will never be able to solve the mysteries of God's works. So what do we do?

"Cast all your anxious thoughts on him because he cares for you." (I Peter 5:7) I remember laying in my bed one night crying over my motherhood failures and saying over and over until I fell asleep - "he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you, he cares for you." When Satan tempts you to believe otherwise - speak his truth until you find peace. Peace washed over my soul and on a tear drenched pillow I found rest. If you are asking God "Why me?" Stop asking and remember his truth - "He cares for you"- rest in this truth today.

Walk with the King!