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Women Living Well Blog: My Marriage Looks Nothing Like Your Marriage

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, January 24, 2010

My Marriage Looks Nothing Like Your Marriage

It's Marriage Monday!

So last week I had a woman approach me concerned because her husband loves to cook. She wanted to be sure that I understood that some men are different than my husband (I mentioned on the Rachael Ray Show - my husband has NEVER cooked a meal in 12 years of marriage.)

I have had similar comments in emails and on the blog, so I want to clarify, my marriage should look different from your marriage. Why? Because my husband is different than your husband!

God has given us clear direction in the Bible that the husband is to be the leader of our homes. Because each man is unique that means each of our homes will be unique. Our leaders are all going to lead differently. My husband runs 2 businesses, so he works long hours - when he comes in the door he is whipped. He needs a warm meal, a cold drink and some lovin'! I do not ask him to bathe the kids or do dishes because he needs to decompress from the stress of his work.

My husband is a detail guy - he is very clear about what he likes and does not like. He likes heavy starch on his shirts, an endless supply of granola and water bottles and he expects coats always to be hung on their hooks.

After 12 years of marriage, I have learned his likes and dislikes. Through conflicts (that's code for fighting lol) and long talks (sometimes tears) I have learned to keep the endless supply of things he loves, hang the coats right away and spray heavy starch on his shirts! As a result I am able to keep him quite happy and we rarely have conflicts over the small stuff anymore.

What are your husbands likes and dislikes? Maybe he likes meat and potatoes for dinner, cans of Coke in the fridge, and his sink clean. Maybe he could CARE LESS about any of that - and he happily makes his own meat and potatoes, cleans his own sink, and buys his own Coke! Wonderful!

The Biblical principles that we apply to our marriages should be the same but how this is carried out in our homes will look different. Your husband is not my husband but my God is your God, so our principles should match!

We must all respect our husbands. (Ephesians 5:33)

We must all submit to our husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 24)

We must all be a helpmate to our husbands. (Genesis 2:18)

I hope this clarifies my views and if I have ever put an unnecessary burden on you - I apologize. Find out your husband's likes and dislikes (ask him if you don't know - most likely if you think back over the past fights you've had, you already know what he wants). Respect his opinions on small stuff. Submit to his leadership in your home and seek to please him. Overtime you will find your home is a more peaceful place for your children, a haven to your husband, and joy in your heart as you know you are in the center of God's will.

Walk with the King!

I am joining Julie over at Marriage Mondays - check out her post today on "Books to Bless". If you leave a comment on her site today, you will be entered into her giveaway for a marriage book.



Blogger Just Me said...

SO well said Courtney, Great post!! God calls all of us to different paths in life, but the principles are the same. I so appreciate you being vulnerable and putting yourself out there as an example! God is using you!! =)

January 25, 2010 at 1:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep it up Courtney! I now you are encouraging more women than those who stop to make comments. I know I read way more often than I comment! Thanks for the reminder that each family is different.
Love ya!

January 25, 2010 at 7:29 AM  
Blogger Clare said...

Great clarification! I know I had a few people state the same "issue" (if you want to call it that) to me after watching your Rachael Ray segment. I explained your theory, but now I can just point them to your blog you wrote wonderfully!

January 25, 2010 at 8:21 AM  
Anonymous AquaBug said...

Great Post, Courtney!

I agree with "Just Me!" God DOES call us all to different paths - but we need to remember all the same principles. :o )

My husband blows me out of the water in the kitchen - but since coming to your blog and reading your daily posts, I am beginning to be more confident in my efforts in the kitchen - and trying so much harder to the wife God calls me to be!

For those of us who didn't have a "mother/woman" figure to lead us or give us a good example - you are doing a great job and we appreciate it more than you realize!

*Big Hug*


January 25, 2010 at 8:23 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Thanks guys for your comments. I wish I had said these things sooner - DUH! lol! But better late thank never right!

Enjoy your hubbies - they are lucky to have wives who desire to do what is right! Press on chickies!!!

January 25, 2010 at 8:44 AM  
Blogger NJohnson said...

Love the post!! I have mentioned before that my husband does help out more than some but that's ok! We are all different. My ultimate goal is to do EVERYTHING myself. But until I get there, I'll accept his help. You are inspiring. Thanks for putting yourself out there!!

January 25, 2010 at 9:24 AM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

Thank you for this post today! It helped me to understand what you have been saying about marriage. My husband doesn't care about the same things yours does and I couldn't figure out how to create the same marriage it the priorities were different, and now that you have said it it seems obvious now!lol

January 25, 2010 at 10:17 AM  
Blogger Mandi Miller said...

My husband LIKES doing things for Maddy like changing her diaper, giving her a bath and feeding her (obviously not breast feeding!). So I am MORE than willing to let him help out. All he asks is that I keep some sweet tea in the fridge (from the south can't you tell), clean sock and underwear in his drawer, clean towels in the bathroom and make sure the house is picked up. He is my prince!! This is a great post!!!

January 25, 2010 at 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HEy courtney,

I enjoyed reading this and i think that it is important to clarify that we all serve the same God, we all have different husbands, and as a result our homes will loook put it well....


January 25, 2010 at 4:24 PM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

Courtney, I love the way you shared this. I was just reminded by a friend the other day that Jesus is the one and only standard we need, though it's easy for us to want to focus on a person. But we are all so different that we SHOULD look different. Wonderful that God chose YOU for your hubby (to hang up those coats ;) ) and me for my hubby. It's so good to remember.

Thanks for linking up to Marriage Mondays. L&R has been used in so many lives in our church. What a great tool! Blessings on you Courtney.

January 25, 2010 at 9:00 PM  
Blogger Mel said...

Courtney, your vlog about the strong tower really spoke to my are so encouraging, and just want you to know how much I appreciate your honesty and your words....

January 26, 2010 at 9:18 PM  

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