Mailbag Question: What is Respect?

Anonymous said "I was wondering if you could write something on the topic of WHAT RESPECT IS. As a young woman, I have asked people in church for years what respect is supposed to look like, how do you respect you husband, etc...I even asked my husband what being respected means to him, but no one seems to have an answer for me or knows how to put it into words."

Ephesians 5:33 says "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Since God commands respect - we must define it. In the Greek the word respect is 'phobeo' which literally means reverence, awe, or fear. It can also mean honor and esteem. This is an attitude of heart that will be displayed by our actions.

For many women these are hard words to swallow. And in this day in age, women are infuriated that I would even suggest such a concept - but let's pause...these are not my thoughts - these are God's. So if you are cringing and have a problem with this - your problem is not with me - it's with God.

Last night I played Jr. Monopoly with my children. It wasn't long before they were going too many spaces ahead, having trouble counting the money and starting to make up their own rules. As a result we had some chaos. I pulled out the rules and read them out loud and quickly they obeyed and we were able to enjoy the game.

Marriage has become like a Monopoly game with no rules. Everyone is doing their own thing - and the end result is chaos, fighting and divorce. Today we are pulling out God's plan for marriage and I think we will find that when we follow his plan - we will have joy and peace in our homes.

Remember, we are not always lovable and he is not always worthy of respect - but because we love God we must work hard to express it. If my husband said he loved me but never showed it - I would feel like he didn't really love me. In the same way, we must turn our words into actions so our husbands FEEL respected.

Here are some ways to display the respect, esteem, and honor you have in your heart:

1. Respect their knowledge, opinions and decisions.

2. Don't be a nag, criticize him, or assume the worst in his actions.

3. Watch for sarcastic and disrespectful teasing, rolling of eyes or bitter attitudes.

4. Respect his desire to work, protect, provide, and lead. Tell him - "I respect your hard work. I feel more secure when you are here and protecting the family."

5. Respect his need for physical intimacy. Do not get frustrated with your husband in this area. God made men differently than women. His lack of romance at times may be frustrating to you but you must remember that men were created with loads more of testosterone...and his desire is literally for you and he will continually persue you in the bedroom. Aren't you thankful he's pursuing you and not another woman. Respect his faithful and loyal pursuit! Give him what he needs...I'll stop here - because I do not want to be inappropriate but I have many thoughts on this subject!!! Respect your man in the bedroom. This matters to them.

Dr. Emerson Eggerich says "No husband feels fond feelings of affection and love in his heart when he believes his wife has contempt for who he is as a human being. Ironically, the deepest need of the wife - to feel loved - is undermined by her disrespect."

In the end, showing respect is a choice we make in obedience to God. When we push our husband away through disrespectful behavior - we are pushing the Lord away. Don't assume because your husband quietly accepts your joking or your leadership on decisions that he feels respected. He just may not have the heart to tell you the truth because he loves you so much. So let me tell you for him - please stop - and start to 'phobeo' him today!

Walk with the King!