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Women Living Well Blog: Parenting: How to Get First Time Obedience

Women Living Well Blog

Friday, May 1, 2009

Parenting: How to Get First Time Obedience

Training your children to obey the first time you ask them to do something is not for the faint at heart! It is very hard work to train your children to obey "right away, all the way, with a cheerful heart." This used to be a little saying that we used with the children when they were toddlers. I have found that often my children will obey - just not right away. Or if they do it right away - it's not with a cheerful heart but with some whining and stomping of feet.


So I read of a method in two different books of "how to get first time obedience." The Ezzo's say that teaching your children to say "yes mommy" or "yes daddy" after you've given them directions - help to solve the authority issue right in the moment. Usually once a child says "yes mommy", their will has submitted to you and they will follow through with obedience. If they are not willing to say "yes mommy" - then right there you know that there is some training that needs to be done (or consequences coming!).


Also, I have found that the kids use the excuse that they "did not hear me" as a reason for disobedience. But requiring your child to say "yes mommy" solves that problem - you know they heard you and now they are responsible for their actions.

The Duggars (family with 18 children) also require their children to say "yes mommy" and they play a little game regularly to train or remind their kids of this rule. So this week - my children entered "yes mommy/daddy" boot camp!


Here's how our game worked: Every time you say "yes mommy" you get to take one nickel out of the middle jar and put it into your own jar. When all the nickels are gone from the center jar we'll have enough money to go out for small ice cream cones at Dairy Queen. So this week - "yes mommy" could be heard for EVERYTHING!!! It was a wonderful thing to hear those nickels dropping into their jars!!! They were eager for me to give them some directions just so they could say those magic 2 words "yes mommy!" and earn a nickel.

So they filled their jars quite quickly and the children got their reward. I have emptied the jars and we are going to do it again - but this time there are some new ground rules - they get a nickel every time they say "yes mommy" but they lose a nickel every time they disobey! This will be a bit more challenging for them and I don't expect their jars to fill quite as quickly.

God tells us in Ephesians 6:1 "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." It is our job as parents to train our children to obey God by obeying us - so make it fun! Be creative! If you have any creative ways that you have done "first time obedience training" - please share in the comments section!

Walk with the King!

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11 Comments:

Anonymous Kristi_runwatch said...

great idea! we work a lot on disciplining for attitude, not just behavior. My daughter is very quiet and rather passive-agressive. She might not throw a fit or outright "disobey," but she will choose to pretend like she didn't hear us or obey as slowly as possible. it doesn't fly! we work really hard to have her look us in the eye and say, "Yes mommy/ daddy." if she won't, it's rebellion!
I love this idea of the nickels!

May 1, 2009 at 11:22 AM  
Blogger Tina said...

Hey Courtney! Loving your blog! I am a big Ezzo fan as well. We did Babywise when my daughter was an infant and then Babywise II. I think the next one is Toddlerwise, but I haven't read it yet. Anyways, there is a great blog called "Chronicles of a Babywise Mom" http://babywisemom.blogspot.com/

The woman who writes it is practically an expert on all things Ezzo. She has 3 kids and I believe that she personally knows the Ezzos and she has lots of experience with implementing the principles. Plus, she is a Christian! I've been following it for about a year and I've gotten some great advice from her.

I've been reading through your posts - great stuff!

May 1, 2009 at 1:37 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

Kristi - oh yes - the pretending to not hear is a famous one and it works because you aren't sure if they really did hear you or not - argh!

Tina - you have a blog! Fun! I visited it! And yes, I have been to the babywisemom website - thanks for sharing it though. Some of my readers may be interested! Thanks so much for stopping by! I'll be back to visit yours!

May 1, 2009 at 2:26 PM  
Blogger beccad said...

I love that idea and I'm going to implement that with my kiddos. I love reading your blog even though I don't take the time to comment. Stop by my blog and check out the awards that I gave you. I hope you don't mind.

May 1, 2009 at 10:57 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

beccad - thanks for stopping by and for your kind words! For some reason I can't access your blog? Can you send me the blog address or give me access? Thanks!

May 1, 2009 at 11:13 PM  
Blogger Leisha said...

I am already doing an inventory of jars and containers to see what I can use!! I can raid the change jar in my hubby's closet and be ready by the time my son finishes breakfast - love it !!
Thanks so much ;-)

May 5, 2009 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger kimmy said...

I love that!! We are working on the yes mommy and looking people in the eye when you talk to them or say sorry. Its a slow start.I love this idea but not sure if its too advanced or not for her. She loves the concept of money but not sure she would fully get it.I will try it and if it doesnt fly then I'll kee it in mind for later though!!!We are having lots of trouble with "any" obediance right now!!

May 5, 2009 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger A happy heart at home said...

Great post! My children are 32, 19, and 15 now, so we are past having children that young. (My oldest has three, 4, 2 1/2, and infant.)

What you suggest is very much like what I did with my two youngest (my oldest is 12 1/2 years older than my middle child, so she was a teenager at that time). I told them that they were to obey immediately and that if they had any questions about "why" I said to do something, they could ask *after* they obeyed. I reminded them of that regularly.

I'm glad I did it that way, because there were times when we'd be walking toward a street corner and a car would come speeding around it. As soon as I saw the car, I would tell them "stop" and they would stop immediately and not move a muscle. If they'd been in the habit of continuing on walking and calling "why" over their shoulders, they might have walked right into the path of the car.

Instant obedience to things small and large could one day save children's lives - well worth the daily practice.

~Susan

May 12, 2009 at 9:01 AM  
Blogger Dusty said...

I came over from your comment over At the Well, and I love this idea! I think it might work well for my 3 year old daughter. Thanks for the tip!

June 3, 2009 at 3:14 PM  
Blogger Coffee and a Mop said...

I know this post is over a year old but I'm reading all your old parenting posts...I'm desperate right now! I have such a disrespectful, greedy, rebellious, selfish, and whiny child. I think this idea is great. I might not use nickels, but maybe small rocks, peppels, or some type of gems (like you use for the chore thing). I'm going to start off with the yes mommy/daddy thing, and then I'm going to start working on each thing. Every time he whines he loses a "coin" and once that seems to change, then I'll work on another. I won't go all out with everything yet...God doesn't even do that to us! lol.

He is 5 years old but acts worse than a 2 year old. In fact he acted better at 2 than he does now.

I like this idea because there are immediate consequences and in some ways is pretty easy on my part. Trying to get him to stand in timeout for 5 minutes is torturious. Taking toys used to work but that has stopped...he no longer cares. Spanking is a last resort and even then he doesn't care. Sometimes I hate when no matter what you do it doesn't work lol.

I'm going to give this a try. Thanks for sharing.

June 7, 2010 at 7:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please tell me you don't support babywise for infants? Here's just one of the many cases of FTT babies from following a babywise feeding schedule so infants can learn obedience. Uggh.

http://www.ezzo.info/Voices/hsieh.htm

February 12, 2011 at 1:15 PM  

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