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How Christian Romance Novels May Be Affecting Your Marriage and a Giveaway

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Women Living Well Blog: How Christian Romance Novels May Be Affecting Your Marriage and a Giveaway

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, August 29, 2010

How Christian Romance Novels May Be Affecting Your Marriage and a Giveaway

Today I have a great giveaway and I wish I could give one to each and everyone of you!!! Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich, is my #1 favorite book on marriage. If you have not read it - I highly recommend it.

So I've been in contact with his daughter Joy Eggerich and she offered to giveaway his second book titled The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate. All you have to do is leave a comment below and you will be entered to win!

But first, Joy has a message to share with all of you that I feel is very relevant. She writes:

Courtney was so kind to ask me to guest blog on her site regarding the topic of romance novels. In my video below, I will answer how I see them paralleled to the struggle some men have with pornography. Seems kind of drastic, huh?

Maybe it is, but maybe it’s not.

I believe that as women, we can be less aware of our sin because it can take on the form of “the lesser evil”. One of the things I have tried to look at with men and women are the pre-cursers and by-products of our actions instead of focusing JUST on the action.

Example: Pornography is bad. (If not evil and destructive.) I think many would agree. But what I think is more important is looking at what led the person to pornography, its effects on people and their own expectations of their partner.

I want to ask you these questions before you watch my video:
1) When you are stressed, depressed, tired, bored and looking for a way to unwind or be entertained, what do you turn to for release or escape?

2) After you turn to those outlets, (and be HONEST about those outlets) how do you feel?

It may not be romance novels for you, but the reason I think they are a perfect analogy is because we are easily deceived by how they can affect us. Women are not reading romance novels in private. In fact, many of you are probably reading “Christian” romance novels and believing that they are helping your faith. Some aspects of the novels may do that, but I think for the most part they can be an escape, veiled in something good and can cause us to want a situation that is not realistic to our own.

You may be able to handle it and still be satisfied with the husband you have chosen or the husband you desire, but for many women I believe it can simply create dissatisfaction with reality. And like many pornography users, it’s a simple thing to turn to when life isn’t going the way you wanted and you need something to make you feel good…and usually that’s because your husband isn’t.

Do you see the cycle this can create if not tended to?
Do I want everyone to go out and have a romance novel book burning? No. But I want us to be aware of the things in our life that create false expectations or pull us away from our husbands or our hope of a husband.

Move towards your husband. Move towards the hope of a husband. Move towards reality.
- Joy Eggerich

Thank you Joy for your wise words and for something to chew on.

If you'd like to win her father's book - leave a comment below. I will choose the winner on Sunday night, September 5th.

Walk with the King!

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Blogger Lora @ my blessed life said...

Great post! My husband (and I agree w/him) has said for a long time that *chick flicks* are porn for women (or can be). They create all those same false expectations of relationships for women.

August 29, 2010 at 10:02 PM  
Blogger A Loved Wife said...

What a fantastic post! I used to read both Christian and non Christian romance novels and all it does is create expectations that are not reality, just as pornography does for men. Thanks for this post, I think I will forward it on to a few of my girlfriends who struggle with the same thing!

God bless!

August 29, 2010 at 10:05 PM  
Blogger Jackie Koll said...

Love the post. I agree - we has women tend to get our view of a perfect life, husband, kids etc from what we read and see! Look forward to reading these bookds!

August 29, 2010 at 10:05 PM  
Blogger Theresa said...

Good points were made about how these things can lead to dissatisfaction with the man God has provided for us.

August 29, 2010 at 10:12 PM  
Blogger happywife1999 said...

I would love to win the book, love Christian marriage books, there is always helpful information in them. I do understand the idea of the romance novels problem, but I have never been one who had unrealistic expections of my husband/marriage, so I guess I don't struggle with that. He is the greates "real" guy in the world!

August 29, 2010 at 10:16 PM  
Blogger Jenny said...

I know i'm probably too late to have a shot at the book, but I wanted to go ahead and leave a comment anyway. I have the Love and Respect book, and it's the best marriage book vie read also, and I've read my fair share. The book Men are from Mars was such a popular book, but Love and Respect is in a league of it's own. For once, the focus is given from a man's point of view, and the fact that we are told to respect our husbands, no matter what, isn't something a lot of women are ray to hear. But it works. Can't wait to get this second book. I've made a post on my blog, if you'd like a tid-bit.

August 29, 2010 at 10:18 PM  
Blogger lt gerk said...

this is sooooo true and was my life at the beginning of our marriage..thankfully i can read them now and not have it affect me but man oh man...i sure wanted my hubby to be like that super nice, romantic, Christian cowboy! it was not healthy and was so much not right on my part! thankfully i have found that my hubby is better than the makebelieve kind :)

check out the devotions that i write...only because God is awesome! i think you might like them!

thanks for your is actually one i will return to over andover!!

August 29, 2010 at 10:19 PM  
Anonymous Amanda said...

I love the Love and Respect book and would jump at a chance to win his next book too! Thanks for the work you do on this blog - I have been so encouraged by your words!
misermom at gmail dot com

August 29, 2010 at 10:34 PM  
Blogger Monica said...

I would love to read this book, we used the first book as a study in our young marrieds class at church and it helped us a ton!

August 29, 2010 at 10:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Courtney!

I am new to reading your blog and there have been several thought-provoking topics that I've really enjoyed mulling over! I love it when someone else's point of view makes me really think about what I believe and why I believe it.

Keep up the good work!


August 29, 2010 at 10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree, this is such a great post! Although I don't read romance novels of any kind, I do read anything that I can on marriage. I have read Love and respect but I would love to read the book offered by his daughter.

August 29, 2010 at 10:41 PM  
Blogger momstheword said...

I have to admit that I am really not into Christian romance novels. But I do have some friends that have recommended some, but I just haven't a desire to read them.

However, I like how you point out that the escapism can be other things (such as blogging for instance, lol!).

Whether you read romance novels or people's blogs, you do need to guard your heart and your marriage against unrealistic expectations, as you said. Thanks for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday.

August 29, 2010 at 10:46 PM  
Blogger Christina said...

Definitely a great post!! What a great book giveaway too! I still need to finish reading Love & Respect but would LOVE to get this new book too!
Thanks for the chance!

August 29, 2010 at 10:59 PM  
Blogger Amanda♥Lynne said...

Never did think of them in that way. I've never been into romance novels, really-but it's good to conscious about what I decide to fill my free time with. I love reading your posts. Always so inspirational for me.

August 29, 2010 at 11:07 PM  
Blogger Alissa said...

I would love to be entered for a chance to win this book. Thank you!

August 29, 2010 at 11:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've read Love and Respect and found it to be a great marriage book. I would love to read Dr. Eggerich's new book.

Blessed Mom

August 29, 2010 at 11:09 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Marriage is hard enough without adding unrealistic expectations. Expecting your spouse to be a certain way does not improve the relationship. In fact, expectations can erode intimacy. Thanks for the post!

August 29, 2010 at 11:10 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

A very good post and point! I think the same goes for many TV shows as well, especially daytime drama's and many night time drama's...can give us a false sense of romance, what our man "isn't" (MCDreamy) lol, etc.

Would love to win the book, enter me in! :)


August 29, 2010 at 11:12 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I would love to win this book. I can definitely use the advice- I admit to being a Christian romance novel junkie and I definitely put unrealistic expectations on my husband because of them.

August 29, 2010 at 11:15 PM  
Blogger Barbara Lynn said...

I would love to read this next book by Dr. Eggerichs. God used "Love and Respect" to save our marriage of 30 years.

From under the same Wing

August 29, 2010 at 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Looks likea great book. WOuld love to win it.

August 29, 2010 at 11:39 PM  
Anonymous Moments with Melissa said...

I completely agree! I never got into the whole Christian romance thing, but I read an article on it years ago, and it made perfect sense. Thanks for getting the word out there!

August 29, 2010 at 11:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to be entered for the giveaway, please. Thank you, Courtney!

God bless!

August 29, 2010 at 11:56 PM  
Blogger Johanna said...

I'd love to be entered in the giveaway!
Great insights!

supremelyhappyjo at gmail dot com

August 30, 2010 at 12:25 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I haven't had a chance to read Love and Respect yet. Thanks for the chance to win and the wonderful guest post!

August 30, 2010 at 12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the great post. I love to read and am constantly reminding myself that what I'm reading is not reality, but just a book. Things aren't always perfect between my husband and me, but he's the one God chose for me and better than any character in a book. :-)

August 30, 2010 at 1:38 AM  
Blogger FunMom said...

Courtney, thank you for posting this! My weekly girl's Biblestudy was just comparing chick flicks (and what they do to us as women) to pornography (and what it does for men) two weeks ago!! Wow...we always say that God speaks in echoes!!!! I'm sending them an email to come read this post!!

August 30, 2010 at 1:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to win the book! Thanks for addressing these issues.

August 30, 2010 at 1:57 AM  
Blogger Maria Joao said...

Thank you for sharing such relevant truths! Whenever I stop by your blog, there is always something to mull over, think about, pray through. Thank you for the challenges! Oh, and could I be entered to win, too? Thank you so much!

August 30, 2010 at 3:49 AM  
Blogger P31 Mom said...

Enter me!

I have read Christian romance novels are definitely something that I see as a red flag to harming my marriage. So I just don't do it:) Why play with fire?

August 30, 2010 at 5:15 AM  
Blogger Susan said...

Thank you, Courtney, for your post. I do not read Christian romance or any romance novels for that matter, but would love to read this book.


August 30, 2010 at 5:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is so true! I was suprised to hear that some of the reasons that women read Christian romance novels are the same excuses that I have used. I like to say an "escape from reality" is why I read them. I definitely will be changing that in my life. Especially since I am unequally yoked in my marriage and I do not need to compare my husband to fictional characters and become dissatisfied in the mate God choose for me! Thanks Courtney for being such a blessing in today's world!

August 30, 2010 at 5:50 AM  
Blogger Mrs. said...

Please enter me in your give-away. I'm for anything that could strenghten my marriage.

August 30, 2010 at 5:54 AM  
Anonymous Sarah M. said...

Wow, great post...I totally agree. Would love to win the book, thanks for the opportunity :)

August 30, 2010 at 6:40 AM  
Blogger Lisa in Texas = ) said...

What a great post! So much truth. Love and Respect is my favorite marriage book as well. And I am sure that this new book would be an excellent addition to any library! Thank so much for having this give away!
Have a great day!
Lisa :O)

August 30, 2010 at 6:43 AM  
Blogger Heather G. said...

Very good points. I think chick flick movies and romantic movies can be the same way. Good things to think over.

August 30, 2010 at 7:00 AM  
Blogger Bobbey said...

I'd love the new book. Communication issues are the #1 source of discourse in my marriage, although it's better than it used to be. :)

I'd never paralleled romance novels with pornography but now I can completely see a relationship. Sadly, some of the newer novels teen girls love to read set even higher unrealistic expectations of how a relationship should be. I'll definitively be sharing Joy's thoughts with others.

Have a blessed day!

Have a grea

August 30, 2010 at 7:04 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

I would definitely agree with this post. Thank you for having courage to post topics most people shy away from discussing:) That is why I love your blog!

August 30, 2010 at 7:05 AM  
Blogger Joy said...

Great post! This is just another great reminder to filter everything we do in our lives to make sure that it is pleasing to the Lord. To make sure that everything we do is good, noble, and praiseworthy.

August 30, 2010 at 7:15 AM  
Anonymous tina p. said...

I would love to read this book..thanks for the great post today!!

August 30, 2010 at 7:15 AM  
Blogger 2003beachbunch said...

Love the post! I must say that I used to read romance novels all the time (both christian and other) Now I don't really have time as my hubby keeps me busy in our own "love story!" Thanks for sharing!

August 30, 2010 at 7:21 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

I found that my desire to get all wrapped up in those novels (and Chick flicks!) totally vanished when I fell in love with my hubby!!

I'd love to win this book!

August 30, 2010 at 7:27 AM  
Blogger SuperMom Blues said...

I actually stopped reading romance novels when I married my husband for this reason - I didn't need them anymore, I have all the romance I need right now : ).

I do still have a couple that I just really loved the STORY (not the romantic part, but everything surrounding it), but I don't really see it as an escape - in fact, I don't have time to read much anymore that isn't the bible or classwork!

Great post, as usual ; )

August 30, 2010 at 7:30 AM  
Anonymous Daina said...

Thank you for your blog! So many marriages, even Christian marriages are under attack today! Marriage is God's ordained plan!
Thank you for the encouragement!

August 30, 2010 at 7:31 AM  
Blogger Stacey said...

Hi Courtney and Joy!
What a wonderful post. Thanks so much for your wisdom.

August 30, 2010 at 7:35 AM  
Blogger Thou Art Jules said...

Great post about something we probably hadn't thought of! I'd love to read this book as well :-)

August 30, 2010 at 7:54 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

Hi Courtney.. I am hoping to win this book. I teach a womans bible study
Secret in Transforming your Life and Marriage..and we are almost done with it, and Im looking for a new book to start on after this one..
Thanks for posting it..
God bless/

August 30, 2010 at 7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so excited to be attending a marriage weekend in a few weeks and the speakers are the Eggerich's! I would love to have the new book!


August 30, 2010 at 7:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post. I am always aware that we need to be working on our marriage. I can see the lure that romance novels could have on marriage. Definitely food for thought!

August 30, 2010 at 7:59 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

wow. this was an amazing post, i have often thought chick flicks are porn for women, simply because it DOES create a dissatisfaction with our reality! I just recently finished my first christian fiction novel, and to a lesser degree, it did do the same.

Also I LOVED Love and Respect! Awesome book - would love the read the second one =)

August 30, 2010 at 8:15 AM  
Blogger Christie S.E. Blackwood said...

Would love to win that book! :)

August 30, 2010 at 8:20 AM  
Blogger The Fabulous Flints said...

This is something that I have struggled with in the past. Especially Nicholas Sparks novels and movies. I realize he is not a Christian author and that is what Joy was talking about more specifically. I have read some Christian romance novels, but they haven't created quite such a problem. I used to joke about how I do believe that ANYTHING that takes you away from an eternal perspective or a true picture of the earthly reality that God has created for each of us is dangerous. Thanks for the challenge, the reality check and the honesty Joy and Courtney!!!

August 30, 2010 at 8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't realize that it is the same as porn. I have been addicted to both in book form. When I became a christian, I switched from reading the Harlequin romance novels, to reading the christian romance novels. Thank you for posting this. It has opened my eyes.

August 30, 2010 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger mfk said...

Courtney - you always have great posts.

I would love to win this book to help my marriage.


August 30, 2010 at 8:47 AM  
Blogger Lisa @ Simply Things Family said...

We just had a sermon series at church about marriage and his book was recommended. I would love to win the new one and read the other, as well.

August 30, 2010 at 8:51 AM  
Blogger Melissa Sutton said...

I can understand how ones expiations can be altered when reading even Christian Romance novels. I am also guilty of doing this on occasion. However as I pray and study about relationships and am reading the book Intimate Issues I find that I am able to view the characters differently in the book. Also we can get caught up in watching other couples in their walk with the Lord and in their relation ship with one another and we can also become jealous and covetous of what they have thus becoming dissatisfied in our own relationships. Thank you for the post it is a great reminder of how we need to guard our hearts and minds.

August 30, 2010 at 8:52 AM  
Blogger taralynn819 said...

How about the same effects from reading Christian blogs?

Sometimes it's tempting to read about other women's lives and families thinking:

they have it easier

or more fun

or are more talented/creative/witty

or have stronger marriage relationships/peer friendships

or better behaved children

or more free time (I certainly can't dedicate to writing a post every day/week!)

etc. etc. etc.

We know how easy it is to only write about the positives in life and leave out the struggles but we tend to forget that when reading. I know I do at times.

For this reason I think the blogosphere is a bigger issue these days than romance novels. It can even be tempting to be jealous of someone's deeper walk with God or more healthy, balanced life. After all, why is it fat girls hate skinny girls??

That kind of jealousy is really Holy Spirit conviction, I know, but I think we mask mask that conviction with unholy envy and like Joy said, dissatisfaction.

August 30, 2010 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger timi said...

Wow. A very powerful message. I never compared the two before, but now that my eyes are opened I realize I need to be very careful with what I put into my mind. I used to read romance novels and then switched to Christian romance novels thinking it would serve as a role model for daily Christian living. Upon reflection I see how I have fallen into the trap. Thanks for posting this!

August 30, 2010 at 8:59 AM  
Blogger Lucas and Levi Boucher said...

wow. thanks for this opportunity. That book sound interesting!!!
thanks again!!

August 30, 2010 at 9:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great Post! I have to say I enjoy romance novels very much, but I have to agree that they do create this false idea of what a marriage is. I mean yeah, the head over heels passion is great, but over time it softens a bit especially if you have kiddies. They don't write about what life is like when you have kids, how distracting every second is and that its work sometimes to actually make time for your partner.

August 30, 2010 at 9:13 AM  
Blogger ADHD Liberation said...

I have never thought of my Chick flicks at my form of porn however; I see the point. I know that my husband will never be Matthew McConaughey but I do think at least for myhusband he could learn a little bit from those movies. My husband was raised in a home where there was no kind of family interaction and his parents did not set any kind of example for marriage. To be fair my family was not perfect either. It also hasn't helped our relationship that we go married when I was 17. Hopefully I win the book and if not I will look into picking it up. Communication and Respect are our major problems.

August 30, 2010 at 9:19 AM  
Anonymous Mrs Team S said...

I agree!!! This is so true and it needs to be said out loud! Thank you for posting!

August 30, 2010 at 9:36 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

I agree with so many of the other women who have posted! Romance novels are definitely a huge problem, but there are other things that we read or watch that seem harmless (like blogs), but can cause us to feel dissatisfied with our life! We must cling to the TRUTH each and every day and ask God's spirit to lead us as we love the husband HE GAVE US!

August 30, 2010 at 9:42 AM  
Blogger Kathryn said...

Thank you for this great post! I own that book, but have not read it yet, maybe I should take a look at it! :)

August 30, 2010 at 9:42 AM  
Anonymous Erin said...

I agree with you! I'm guilty of this as well, and actually was thinking this the other day when I finished a book by Nicholas Sparks, and then was disappointed in my husband. Thank you for this, I feel convicted and will look for other types of books!


August 30, 2010 at 9:46 AM  
Anonymous Courtney said...

this is a very challenging post, it is so easy to brush off the things women do that create dissatisfaction because it isn't that overtly bad.

August 30, 2010 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger Carrie said...

I would love to win! Thanks for the post. I love Christian romance novels, but stay fully aware that they are FICTION, ha ha. :) All in good fun.

August 30, 2010 at 9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed his first book and would definitely enjoy reading this one. :-) Thanks for hosting!

August 30, 2010 at 10:01 AM  
Anonymous Mrs. B said...

Such a great and timely post! Soon after my husband and I married I started reading Janette Oke books. I went on a collecting rampage! Then a few years ago, as I contemplated giving them to my pre-teen daughter, I realized that Christian though they were, they were still romance novels and I didn't want her to have an appetite for romance. I'm still inclined to like her books (and the movies), but I don't read them any more. Sometimes it is hard to see how easy it is to continue in fleshly habits when the label has "christian" on it. We really must strive for a "renewing of our minds" and to "put off our fleshly desires" in this life.

August 30, 2010 at 10:02 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

I highly recommend Love and Respect. There is a workbook too that is wonderful. I would love to win this new book. It sounds like it would be very helpful to my husband and me.

August 30, 2010 at 10:07 AM  
Anonymous yarnell424 said...

Thank you so much for the chance to win this book!! I so look forward to your blog posts but this one was just fantastic. Thank you

August 30, 2010 at 10:08 AM  
Anonymous Bonnie C. said...

I haven't noticed a wrong attitude so much with novels, but I did notice that those Hallmark, love story, movies were starting to affect me--making me dis-satisfied with not only my husband, but other things too.

August 30, 2010 at 10:13 AM  
Blogger Jhona O. said...

This has really given me something to think about!!! Thank you for sharing this and for the opportunity with this giveaway.

August 30, 2010 at 10:35 AM  
Anonymous Patricia Williams said...

Thanks for the great resources. My husband and I will celebrate our 1 year wedding anniversary next Sunday. We would love to have this book & will go out and buy the other. We could really use it!

August 30, 2010 at 10:38 AM  
Blogger Toni said...

I have to say, I do not read romanace novels for that very reason. I don't want those fictional, fantastical characters or plots to discolor the realities in my marriage. For me, it would be like trying to measure myself by the standards of a magazine model. No, thanks.

On the other hand, thank you for the chance to win what looks like a great book.

August 30, 2010 at 10:45 AM  
Blogger Kristi Lea said...

I agree with this post so much! I's been a conviction of mine for quite some time. I won't read any Christian fiction at all. I do like Christian growth books, I've gotten a lot of help from them, but not fiction. If I need to "escape" I choose to do so in a manner that is still in the real life and promotes happines in my home and my inner self!

August 30, 2010 at 10:56 AM  
Blogger L2L said...

Yes, yes, yes!!!!! For this very reason I do not read fiction. For me it draws me into a world that I deeply want but that is not realistic!!! I realized when I was in Middle School and reading the V.C. Andrews series that when the characters were happy, I was happy but when something happen to them; it was like I was going through the very same thing. I decided as an adult not to read fiction and even cut myself off from the tabliods as well. But music can very easily do the same thing as well and I do limit my selection to that!!! Bravo for getting this message out, hopefully women are reading and listening as well!!!!

August 30, 2010 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger Teresa said...

I think this was so poignant, I have already been talking to my children about what media and stories tell us what romance is versus the Word and reality.

August 30, 2010 at 11:15 AM  
Blogger My Heart Song said...

Would love to win the book. Heard great things about it.

August 30, 2010 at 11:21 AM  
Anonymous BFitz said...

Wow, thanks for a thought-provoking post today! Romance novels (Christian or otherwise) aren't really my thing because they're so formulaic -- but I love Jane Austen books, so maybe I need to think on that one. ;)

August 30, 2010 at 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a great message! I've always felt that romance novels create a false picture to what romance and love and sometimes sex is suppose to be. Pornography is TOXIC to marriage and I feel romance novels can do the same thing if obsessed over.

August 30, 2010 at 11:43 AM  
Blogger Rebecca W. said...

I would love to read this book!

August 30, 2010 at 11:45 AM  
Anonymous Mirinda said...

I would love a copy of the book!

I think Joy has hit it dead on....and unrealistic expectations based on someone else's truth/perception are something my husband I both have struggled with in the past. Media- any type- only feeds into that, I believe.

August 30, 2010 at 11:45 AM  
Blogger twinsz said...

I try only to read christian novels, but one thing I like to do is watch TV. It feels like a waste of time usually. Thank you for your insights. I would love to read this book and will put it on my wishlist. Thanks.

August 30, 2010 at 11:53 AM  
Blogger scrapper said...

I think this book sounds great! Also completely agree about romance novels of any kind.

August 30, 2010 at 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

I loved this so much that I blogged about it! :) I used to read Christian romance novels as a teenager and once I got to college and really started getting serious about my relationship with God, God opened my eyes to the sin that these books were causing in my life and I purged them! Praise God for grace! Thanks for sharing and as always being a light to us women out here!

August 30, 2010 at 12:24 PM  
Blogger Cyndi said...

I completely agree! I do not read romance novels and I have quit watching "chick flicks" because of the unrealistic expectations and feelings I was having.

I am a firm believer in the "Love & Respect" books. Thanks for the great post!

August 30, 2010 at 12:28 PM  
Anonymous Michelle S. said...

Great post! So true....
I would love to win this book-I have the 1st one and would love to have the 2nd! Thankyou for all you do for the Lord, Courtney. You have really blessed me.

August 30, 2010 at 12:31 PM  
Blogger Peter and Kim said...

Wow! Great post!
I loved Joy's comment about extending grace (what am I doing before I point fingers) because we're all fallen humans!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE Emerson's book--LOVE AND RESPECT! It's so simple, direct from Ephesians!, and has transformed our marriage! We attended a L & R conference a few years back, purchased the DVD set for small groups and I often give the book as a wedding gift or for when I hear couples are struggling! Praise God for HIS truth!
~Kim :)

August 30, 2010 at 12:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post! I've never thought of romance novels like that. Thank you for your ministry I (and my husband)have been so blessed by it!

God Bless!

August 30, 2010 at 12:34 PM  
Anonymous Christine said...

I never really thought of it that way but now I can see what you mean. In the romance novels we are all led to believe that our husbands should be living up to some expectations that came from some writers imagination and not what God has made him to be.

August 30, 2010 at 12:40 PM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

That was a great post. It's easy to notice the big things Satan uses to hurt marriages (affairs, bikini clad women flaunting their body parts, pornography, etc), but how often do we (myself included) overlook the subtle things (like TV, romantic movies) to harm our marriages. It really made me think. I loved Love and Respect and would love to win this book. :)

August 30, 2010 at 12:57 PM  
Blogger mamama said...

Love that book and would love a copy of it!

August 30, 2010 at 12:58 PM  
Anonymous Joy Eggerichs said...

Wow! This has been so encouraging to read everyone's comments. Thank you for engaging in this topic and the added insights many of you brought. I agree with the people who talked about blogging and TV. I even see Facebook as a way I can become voyeuristic and then dissatisfied. Again, none of these things may be a stumbling block for you, but some of them may be...and it's the awareness we need to bring so we have a "reality check" from time to time and more importantly, the grace we extend to others and their own stumbling blocks.

Thanks again Courtney for letting me guest post!

August 30, 2010 at 1:04 PM  
Blogger Carly said...

Hmm I never thought about all chick flicks falling into this category! I do avoid romance novels because of this. I've got some thinking to do! I think I struggle most though with real-life comparisons. I'd love the book we have Love and Respect.

August 30, 2010 at 1:14 PM  
Blogger Becca said...

I am so thankful for this post. I would also add 'chick flicks' to the list of distractions from reality.

August 30, 2010 at 1:18 PM  
Blogger Cottage lover said...

A great post! I believe this can be so true for so many of us. I've never read that book, but it sounds great! I will be buying it if I don't win--but, I hope to win!

August 30, 2010 at 1:32 PM  
Anonymous Ann said...

Another awesome book that deals with the whole love and respect thing is the book "For Women Only." It addresses how men and women relate to each other and what we don't always understand about the other person. Love it!

August 30, 2010 at 1:38 PM  
Blogger LouAnn said...

Excellent post- I totally agree! Look forward to reading the books you mentioned!

August 30, 2010 at 1:44 PM  
Blogger The Brownings said...

This is such a good post and super giveaway! Too often we take our husbands for granted because of false expectations we have acquired from movies and romance novels.

August 30, 2010 at 1:55 PM  
Blogger His Jules said...

This was a great post! I am so glad to see that there are others who see that false expectations can only lead to disappointment and heartache. We should instead satisfy ourselves with the only ONE who can meet our every need and do beyond our wildest imaginations!

August 30, 2010 at 2:08 PM  
Anonymous Danielle said...

Great post!

August 30, 2010 at 2:11 PM  
Anonymous Kris said...

My husband and I did a small group bible study on L&R, and it was amazing. I'd love to be entered in the giveaway. Thanks, Kris

August 30, 2010 at 2:12 PM  
Blogger Laura @ Just For Love said...

Oh, I would LOVE to win that book. It sounds awesome!

August 30, 2010 at 2:37 PM  
Blogger Jill said...

Thank you for posting this! I totally agree. I've started to pay more attention to my emotions and thoughts during books, movies, tv shows, etc.. and it's AMAZING how much I start to "long" for a different life/husband/job/house/you-name-it when I watch chick flicks or read a romantic novel. It's so important that we guard our hearts in every situation, even if we think it's "just entertainment."

August 30, 2010 at 2:49 PM  
Blogger Delilah said...

I would love to win thanks:) BTW it was a great post!!!

August 30, 2010 at 4:02 PM  
Blogger The Working Home Keeper said...

How interesting! I had never thought of romance novels or chick flicks (I'm not really a fan of either) in that way before. As others have mentioned, I think blogs also have the same potential to cause unrealistic expectations or create dissatisfaction.

Mary Ellen

August 30, 2010 at 4:03 PM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

SO excited to hear about the new book coming out and such a good thought to ponder about the place CRN can take in the heart and mind of a woman.

Thanks for linking this to MM today!
~ Julie

August 30, 2010 at 4:21 PM  
Blogger Rosario said...

I'm probably the 108 comment on this post. However, honestly I do not read romance novels. If I sit down to read a book, it will be something like a parenting book,or a bible study book. But I do confess that in the past I read them, before I had children. Another form of romance novels are soap operas. And Spanish channels have them prime time. Which is even worse because the actors playing the leading role, are always so handsome. So,I just do not see them. Plus it makes me mad that the stories are always the same. The poor girl, meets the hansome rich man, and someone is always making their life impossible. What do I watch on TV? Disney channnel. or the news.

August 30, 2010 at 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great post! I'm not really into romance novels, I've never even read one. I didn't even know that there are Christian romance novels, lol. I do "love" the Love & Respect book and look forward to reading the one by Joy.

August 30, 2010 at 4:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just started reading Love and Respect and already wish I had the funds to buy every married couple in my life a copy! What a difference it would make! Thank you for your blog! It has been such a blessing to me as I prepare for marriage in the near future!

August 30, 2010 at 5:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been giving this message to the girls in our youth group for years! How reading even clean romance novels can give you unrealistic expectations of marriage and men. This book sounds great!

August 30, 2010 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

Thanks for posting this. It is more of what, needs to brought to peoples attention. Like the rest of your blog.

August 30, 2010 at 6:41 PM  
Blogger Jennifer said...

I agree that romance novels can be equated with pornography--especially secular ones that portray sin and lust. However, we do need to be careful with our attitudes toward our men and comparing them to the Christian "ideals" we read about.

August 30, 2010 at 6:48 PM  
Blogger AmeliaB said...

Great Post. I just found your blog and am a new follower. I also posted the video on on my blog. :)

August 30, 2010 at 7:30 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

I've been looking for something me and my hubby can read together. sounds like this might be the ticket! Hope I get picked.I've never into reading romance novels. I was saved from a crazy past and now have the husband of my dreams, he's by no means perfect but he's perfect for me. A true match made in Heaven!

August 30, 2010 at 7:32 PM  
Blogger momma-lana said...

I totally agree, but I also find that many marriage books do the same. Not this one though! Would love to win these!

August 30, 2010 at 7:33 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

Thanks for this thought-provoking post!

August 30, 2010 at 8:27 PM  
Anonymous Amy Keturah said...

I am a new wife of one year and want our relationship to be pleasing to the Lord. I have heard great things about this book and would love to read it.

August 30, 2010 at 8:44 PM  
Anonymous Erin said...

I would love this book!
Great post!
EJLong at gmail dot com

August 30, 2010 at 8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please enter me. I have wanted to read this. I don't know how I found your blog, but have enjoyed it. Thank you.

ebeandebe at gmail dot com

August 30, 2010 at 9:07 PM  
Anonymous DanielleCorrelle said...

I just found your blog and I am currently listening to many of your youtube posts. I am not very religious but I do value traditional family roles and have been struggling with keeping my husband the priority he needs and deserves to be. I think this would be a good read. :o)

DanielleCorrelle @ aol . com

August 30, 2010 at 9:25 PM  
Blogger Luluzinha said...

Well, really I don't agree. I think Christian novels are a nice way to entertain keeping up with the faith.
Of course the books will show ideal people and relationships as an example and that's what we're looking for, good examples. And we can read the Holy Bible and find perfect and ideal examples and that's not gonna bring dissatisfaction. And I believe the same about Christian novels. Now you have only to be careful not to get addicted, as we should do for most of the things . Everything that you do too much will steal away the time you should be workinhg for your family or just bounding with your family. But having a time for a healthy hobby as reading a Christian book it's perfectly acceptable. Priscila

August 30, 2010 at 9:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We went through the Love and Respect video series in Sunday School this year. I would love a book of my own to study.

August 30, 2010 at 9:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you Courtney ~ for this post and for your blog. You have truly ministered to me (and to my family)! May God Bless You and your family!

Jennifer G.

August 30, 2010 at 10:00 PM  
Blogger The Litrenta Family said...

I'd love to win and read that book! It sounds awesome.
hlitrenta at gmail dot com

August 30, 2010 at 10:15 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Love and Respect changed my marriage permanently. It is one of those books I go back to on a regular basis in order to keep my marriage growing towards God. I am so thrilled to discover thru this blog that there is going to be another book! I also loved the insights regarding romance and movies. I have been guilty of using them as an escape and had never thought of it from this point of view before. Thank you for the correction leading me to repentance. I will definitely have to be more careful about guarding my eyes in the future!

August 30, 2010 at 10:23 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

August 30, 2010 at 10:25 PM  
Anonymous Heather said...

Great post - I used to have a lot of those novels; and I did used to yearn for that type of life. They just aren't an example of reality. I would love to read this book - thank you for the opportunity to win it.

August 30, 2010 at 10:52 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Very thought-provoking! A neighbor of mine once said that was why she didn't read many romance was making her dissatisfied with her marriage. That was years ago that she shared that with me, and it has stuck with me ever since. Definitely something to consider and be cautioned about!

August 30, 2010 at 11:50 PM  
Blogger snbjork said...

Great post. The book sounds inspiring.

August 30, 2010 at 11:54 PM  
Blogger DNJ said...

Interesting food for thought, I had never considered some of my "escapes" (not necessarily romance novels, but blogs/television/etc.) as detrimental, I would love to win this book to focus on my own marriage instead!

August 31, 2010 at 12:01 AM  
Anonymous Alison said...

Verrrry interesting post & video. At first, I thought, you've got to be kidding me! But as I really considered your and Joy's message, the pieces did start to fall into place. Why would I want my husband tuning into any type of media which would lead to dissatisfaction in our marriage? Therefore, I need to be cautious of the same thing. I love the original Love & Respect book, I reread it all the time & have recommended it to others. Great giveaway!

August 31, 2010 at 12:12 AM  
Blogger lodyp said...

Add me to the giveaway! I have just found your blog (thanks to moneysaving mom) and am backreading like crazy!! Thanks!

August 31, 2010 at 12:17 AM  
Anonymous Heidi said...

I would love to win this book! I really like the Love & Respect video series and could benefit from a book that would help me "figure out" my husband.

August 31, 2010 at 12:48 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

I love to read a good book now and then, but when I have a chance to read, it's because my sweet hubby is watching our 5 littles to give me some down time:0) While it might be a short "escape" I don't think it changes my expectations on my hubby, but def. can see how it could. Good post:)

August 31, 2010 at 1:33 AM  
Blogger Jenna said...

WOW great insights! I found Joy's blog, can't wait to read it!

August 31, 2010 at 2:19 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Profoundly simple. Thank you for writing this post. Inflated UNREALISTIC expectations are so damaging, whether we apply them to ourselves, our spouses, or our children.

August 31, 2010 at 2:34 AM  
Blogger Reflecting the Sparks said...

I'm looking forward to seeing if I win the book. Thanks and keep the entries coming!

August 31, 2010 at 7:50 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

I'm currently reading the first book and it's wonderful! It's really speaking to me and I would love this second book as well. Thanks for the giveaway, hope to win :)

August 31, 2010 at 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good things to think about, CJ. thanks for sharing!

I'd love to win a copy of that book!

Aimee McF :)

August 31, 2010 at 8:45 AM  
Anonymous Chelsea said...

I would love to win!


August 31, 2010 at 9:12 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

I totally agree with this post and have thought about the danger in Christian romance novels many times!!

I've read "Love and Respect". We actually did it as a summer couples Bible story at church last year. I would LOVE the second book!

August 31, 2010 at 9:31 AM  
Blogger Christen said...

So true!
I'd love to read the book!

August 31, 2010 at 10:03 AM  
Blogger Amy Jo @ The Little Moments said...

Thanks for the info. I am always interested in good book recommendations, especially on marriage.

August 31, 2010 at 10:43 AM  
Anonymous Apryl Y said...

I appreciate this Post! Thank you!!
We all know what we can handle. Well, some of us do. I compare it to a plate of Brownies... If they are sitting there I will eat. I have a hard time with Self Control in that area. So I don't make them I keep them away from my house! the Same problem for some one else could be a Pc in their house if they have Struggled with Porn. they want it as far away or not even in their house! I believe for some woman Christian Romance it is the SAME! You get a book from the Library and you can't put it down, what suffers? your children your house your husband? Again we All know what we can handle! I am not condemning a Pc in the house or Brownies on your table or a time that you spend reading any novel as long as we follow the Bible verse "What ever you do whether you eat or drink do it to the Glory of God." :)

August 31, 2010 at 10:52 AM  
Blogger Jess said...

I would love to win! That was a great post! Very thought provoking!

August 31, 2010 at 10:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just today found your site and absolutely love everything that you are about and your love of god. We all need a little help with our marriages and I would love to read this book.

August 31, 2010 at 1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This article was very thought provoking for me. I have read these books for years my grandmother hands them down to my mom and she gives them to me to read. I will definetly be sharing some of the thoughts with them:)

August 31, 2010 at 1:06 PM  
Blogger Brown Family Blog said...

I have felt this way about Christian Romance Novels for a few years now...about 3 years into my marriage. :O) I really do feel like they can put unrealistic expectations in young girls and a sense of dissatisfaction in married women.

August 31, 2010 at 1:34 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

I enjoyed reading this post...I'm also glad I've found your website!

August 31, 2010 at 2:30 PM  
Anonymous Beth said...

Your blog is so inspirational. Thanks so much for this post and your giveaway. Although I've been married for ten years, I feel that some days I'm a newlywed in the communication area. I'm looking forward to this great read!

August 31, 2010 at 2:34 PM  
Blogger Hippie4ever said...

My *escape*, such as it is, is reading blog posts entering giveaways...definitely chocolate! Personally you can burn all the romance novels and I wouldn't care. But my husband has mentioned he thinks I am on the internet too much. Don't know how that's possible, since it's usually late at night when everyone is asleep. But I'm listening.

August 31, 2010 at 2:36 PM  
Anonymous Destiny said...

Wonderful post! Thanks for the giveaway entry!

August 31, 2010 at 3:13 PM  
Blogger Rachael said...

I am getting married in 5 weeks. Our pastor gave us this book to read the moment we began our "pre-marraige" meetings with him. My fiance' and I both LOVED the book. We've given it to friends and family to read. What a great post. Thanks for sharing.

August 31, 2010 at 3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved this post!!! And your blog, I will be back! I have quit reading so called christian novels for a while now. And it has helped my marriage. Our church did the study on the book, Love & Respect, I loved it. And would love to read this book as well!!

August 31, 2010 at 4:30 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

Would love to win! :)

August 31, 2010 at 4:51 PM  
Blogger CraftyGiveaways said...

sounds like a great book!

getoverit2090 [at] hotmail [dot] com

August 31, 2010 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger Robin said...

I agree wholeheartedly. I used to read Christian romance novels, but realized that it was doing exactly what this post said. I was looking at my husband as inferior to the ideal - the strong Christian men in the books. It always seemed that these great guys were attracted to the not-so-perfect female. So, I stopped reading them a while ago, and have been much happier in my life and marriage since then. And, my husband is still the same as he was! Go figure.

August 31, 2010 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger chibidani said...

way to get me thinking.

enter me for the contest, please.

August 31, 2010 at 10:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is a good point. I am very careful about what I read.

September 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM  
Blogger Chrisgelica said...

I heard about this book on the radio, it seems really interesting! I would love to win. I've never been interested in romance novels but I think she makes a really good point in the video.

September 1, 2010 at 12:41 AM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Yay for Love and Respect!

September 1, 2010 at 6:06 AM  
Blogger Brian and Carrie said...

You made a great point! I stopped reading romance novels several years ago, yet within the last 6 months read two christian romance novels. Now as a believer, it was interesting to see how the Christian romance aren't much different from other romance novels; they both create a false ideas of "perfect" love and romance in our minds (which leads to unhealthy expectations!).

September 1, 2010 at 9:51 AM  
Blogger Rebekah said...

Absolutely agree with this. I teach a teen girls Sunday school class, and already chic novels, Christian or otherwise, have charged their expectations. Many of them also give them a sense of morals that is dangerously outcome based or in other terms, situational ethics. We have some really good, godly young men in our church, and in other churches around the area -- most of them very good looking as well -- but somehow these girls think those guys aren't good enough for them because their vision has been clouded. This is a timely post and one I will refer some mothers to, just to give them something to think about. My husband (and I agree) has said that women can commit adultery in their hearts reading that junk.

September 1, 2010 at 5:34 PM  
Anonymous Seasons of LIfe said...

I just found this site and am so excited! What a blessing!

September 2, 2010 at 7:33 AM  
Blogger Susanne said...

Found you through a couple of links. Would love to read this next book on the topic. Thanks for the giveaway.

September 2, 2010 at 10:21 AM  
Anonymous Jasmine said...

East of Eden - Stienbeck.
in his own words a lumbering soul but trying to fly "to the stars on the wings of a pig".
I've been reading it and the rest of his books when my dearest needs his "playstation time".
No romance novel but it plucks a cord a romance novel can't even touch. I actualy said to my friend the other day they'r my hour long three night a week vacation and she said to me jokingly (oooh an emotional affair) ha ha ha it's time to pull out all those great how to's I keep buying and never get around to reading or scrapbooking!

I'll be keeping this close to heart
Great Post!

God bless

September 2, 2010 at 11:02 AM  
Blogger Michelle' said...

I have the first book in hopes to figuring out areas that I can improve on. It has really opened my eyes and I also feel it is one important book in the way of marriage. This would be the icing on the cake! Thanks for the opportunity to add to my learning and developing as a Godly wife!

September 2, 2010 at 11:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm fairly new to your website and I have to say it has been a great blessing. A couple of months I was living in AZ and starting going to Radiant Church my kids and I loved it. Then, we moved to CA and since Dec. have not gone back to church. My sister invites me to go to her church, but I always found excuses not to go. My kids and I have been having the need to go back and I stumbled across your website and you have influenced me to get back to the path of walking with our King. I would love a chance to win the book, my husband is a Catholic, so as you can imagine its not easy but I'm hopefull and know that God will help us and get the whole family to be united in the word of God. Thanks


September 4, 2010 at 10:44 AM  
Blogger Madonna (Lil' Ms.P) said...

Would love a chance to win. Thanks for the opportunity.

September 4, 2010 at 3:06 PM  
Blogger Milk and Honey Mommy said...


I stopped reading romance novels many years ago, but still do go for a "chick flick" every now and then and let me not talk about the few t.v. series shows I watch.

Hmmm...I never thought about the "porn for women."

I would love to win this book and it sounds like the first one is another one I should read.

September 4, 2010 at 3:48 PM  
Blogger Stam House said...

That book was given to us on our weeding day, I have to admit I like the message but taught that the book could have been shorter (lot of the same thing was repetitive) And I remember thinking that the author was sometimes not careful talking about his wife mistakes or weakness. (I personally love hearing spouse praising their beloved and not sharing about the other weaknesses but they can share their own, if that make sense?)

Have you read each for the other from Bryan Chapell This its the best marriage book that I read, it's clear simple and bibicaly sound I loved it!!!!

Have a blessed day

September 4, 2010 at 9:14 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

I would love to win this book! Thanks!


September 5, 2010 at 9:25 AM  
Anonymous Pat said...

I would love to win this book-thank you so much for the opportunity and also thank you for all the work on this blog.

September 5, 2010 at 4:31 PM  
Anonymous Storyteller said...

I don't like romance novels of any kind. They seem to intimate that as a single Christian woman my life is incomplete. Lots of Christian woman never married--Corrie ten Boom, Amy Carmichael, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, and many others. I'd rather read books by those women. Jesus saves, not sex or marriage! I wish my secret sisters and other women at church would quit giving them to me as gifts.

December 19, 2010 at 1:31 PM  

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