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Women Living Well Blog: Communicating In Marriage About Time Management

Women Living Well Blog

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Communicating In Marriage About Time Management

Proverbs 31:28,29 says "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: Many women do noble things but you surpass them all."

Have you ever felt like it's hard to please your husband? Like getting the praise of the Proverbs 31 woman is out of reach? I get emails from wives saying they work and work and work and their husband just never seems to appreciate it. We women can fill our plates to the brim with work, children's needs, activities and ministry, but it's important that we seek our husband's opinion. They can easily get squeezed out of the equation when it comes to our time management.

Week #5 Challenge: Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask your husband to prioritize them for you of what is important to him. For example - a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc.

Some of you may find it odd to ask your husband what his priorities would be for you -but here is why it's important to communicate about these things.

About 5 years ago, I learned about the Walgreens and Rite Aid rebate systems. I was so excited to get so many freebies every week that participating in every rebate became almost like a game for me! I also created a coupon box and was getting organized following all of the ads and going from store to store getting deals.

I remember one day after I had ran myself ragged with my newborn baby and toddler in tow, getting all of the deals, I complained to my husband about how hard it was and how he should appreciate it!

He looked at me kinda shocked and said "I never asked you to do this?"

I said "but I'm helping us save money, isn't that important to you?"

He answered, "I appreciate the fact that you are being mindful of your spending but I worry about your safety when you are out with the kids. I'd actually prefer you take your extra time and stay home and keep the house in order ."

"Oh..." furrowed brow look on my face..."but I like rebating and clipping coupons."

"I'm not saying, you can't do it. I'm just saying, I'd appreciate it more if you organized a closet or something."

It was then I realized that some of the time I spent working hard, I THOUGHT my husband would really appreciate, he could care less about. Then other things I was neglecting he really cared about.

It's important that we take the time to communicate so we can avoid a fight, hurt feelings and bitterness in the future.

Different seasons of life will require different priorities. Different personalities will have different priorities. A social husband may prefer his wife plan cook outs rather than clean out the closets while a outdoorsman would prefer his wife work at his side while he gardens over her ironing his shirts. Each marriage is going to look different based on the leadership of the husband.

A lot of quarrels can be kept at bay if we are willing to ask our husbands their preferences and then be mindful of them.

This is definitely a challenge isn't it! So bloggers, write about this challenge and link up below. Don't forget to link back to this post. And if you are not a blogger, feel free to comment below about what you are learning as you listen to your husband about your time management.

{And one last thing, I went over the list of priorities with my husband this past week to be sure we are still on the same page. He made it clear that "doing IT" (wink*blush*) was number one on the priority list to him lol! Sorry if that was too much information but I have a feeling some of your husband's are in the same boat! So you may want to include that! lol!}

Walk with the King!

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Blogger Dianne said...

I'll repost when I actually do the marriage challenge this week, but this article made me think of how many times we really don't want to know what our husband's priorties are because they might not match up with ours (ignorance is bliss). I can't tell you how many times I've done things MY way (and seen other wives do the same) and things turned out disastrous and my husband has had to bail me out. Just like we see things our childen don't see, and we try to help them avoid getting in over their heads, our husbands are the same way with their predominant left-brainess. Letting our hubands prioritize our things is for our protection. If things go wrong after they make those decisions, not only is it a learning experience for them, but you don't have to bear the brunt of the consequences as much. A couple of days ago I wanted to do something that entailed a lot of time and gas. I wasn't going to say anything at first (he would have been at work), but then I remembered how many times I've messed things up and I said a quick prayer for myself so I could humbly accept his decision. After I asked, he said "I don't care." I was elated! As it turns out, I couldn't do the thing I wanted to do and by the end of the day I was thinking, "Am I crazy? Why did I think I had the time and energy to do this today?!" And yet so many times, when he has said "no" in a situation like that, I resent it.

July 12, 2010 at 5:34 AM  
Blogger Traci Michele said...

This reminds me of the verse in the bible, where it talks about, "we have not because we ask not"...

It's so true! It sounds "too simple" to ask our husbands, but it is not. God created them straight forward beings. They are pretty simple. Not complicated like we make ourselves to be, hehe.

Loved this post!

Thank you!

I linked up:

July 12, 2010 at 7:09 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

My husband have actually had this conversation recently. I was doing the same thing with coupons, a new born baby and 2 toddlers. He helped me realize that it was more important for me to be home and taking care of what needs to be done here than to be saving a bunch of money on mostly things I did not really need.

July 12, 2010 at 8:01 AM  
Blogger Homemaker Honey said...

Thank you again, Courtney, for another great challenge!

May God bless our marriages!
Homemaker Honey

July 12, 2010 at 9:30 AM  
Blogger Mary Joy said...

Thank you so much for this posting. I am just getting back to blogging after taking a break to focus on getting my life balanced so that I can be a better help-meet to my hubby. He was floored when I went to him 6 weeks ago and told him that I was taking a break from blogging to get my priorities straight and to get better organized so that I could do a better job of focusing on serving his needs, our children's needs, and do a better job of being a "home-keeper" for our home. He told me that he knew that it was a big sacrifice for me and he was so proud of me for doing whatever it took to be the best wife, mother and homemaker that God has called me to be. The time away with him and the kids without interrupting that time to write throughout the day has blessed me and our relationships more than I ever imagined. And God blessed me with a way to manage my blog time better- by reading what ladies like you are doing helped a lot! So thanks for this challenge and for sharing how we can still be bloggers but to keep our priorities straight!

July 12, 2010 at 9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anna said...

This is a good and wise reminder! I think in many areas of our marriage, having the thoughtfulness and humility to communicate FIRST, can prevent disagreement and/or arguments later.

I think one area where I can bless my husband in time management is in giving him space to do what he needs/likes to do. For instance, he likes to work out, so I make sure he can go a couple times a week. He likes to spend a lot of time reading his Bible on the weekends, so while he's doing that I entertain the baby. He likes for me to watch Discovery Channel episodes with him, so usually I try to do that rather than something else I might choose myself.

Marriage is a fun adventure. :)

July 12, 2010 at 10:05 AM  
Blogger ~Amy~ said...

I am loving these weekly challenges and have been blessed my each and everyone! My husband says "thanks"!
Many Blessings!

July 12, 2010 at 11:41 AM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Courtney, First of all thank you sooo much for bringing the importance of honoring your husband to the front of all of our minds. I am learning a ton and realizing that at least for my man, the affection department is huge. Just smiling at him more and being cheerful when he's around, makes a huge difference in his demeanor. He's a quiet guy, and doesn't ask a lot of me, but I can honestly tell you that the more affectionate and genuinely sweet I am to him, the more he thanks me for all I do!!
You are such a blessing Courtney for your encouragement to us women!

July 12, 2010 at 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Tracy @ Hall of Fame Moms said...

Very good advice, Courtney. I haven't been doing the link-up from your series...I have my plate full with a couple series at my own blog. However, I am going to take your advice and ask my husband to tell me what his preference in priorities for me are. Thank you!

July 12, 2010 at 11:57 AM  
Blogger R said...

You got me today Courtney! I realized as I read your post, that I've been spending a LOT of my time doing "my" thing and not much time caring about or even asking what my husband would like for me to do. Ouch! thanks for the constant reminder of what's really important!

July 12, 2010 at 12:05 PM  
Blogger Karen said...

A great post, I will be asking my husband to prioritize, and I know "it" is going to be top on his list as I laughed at that when you posted that ;)

Blessings to you!!

July 12, 2010 at 1:11 PM  
Blogger The Working Home Keeper said...

This is great! I'm going to discuss priorities with my husband tonight. And yes, "it" will most likely be on the top of his list :)

Mary Ellen

July 12, 2010 at 3:50 PM  
Blogger Stam House said...

Doing "it" is a priority for my husband too and therefore mine:-) Love that you mention it in your post!

July 12, 2010 at 5:04 PM  
Blogger rebecca said...

I have just emailed my hubby who is at work and have asked him to prioritize my day according to his wishes. That truly is a loaded question but nonetheless I won't know unless I ask.
And yes "it" will be right up there as #1 for sure but as you said on one of your videos, it truly is a mind issue and I have the book you spoke of as well.
I'll report back once I swallow the "list." LOL!

July 12, 2010 at 6:52 PM  
Anonymous Erin said...

I just found your blog about a week ago and I love it! This challenge is just what I need today! Last week my dh and I had a discussion because I was trying to keep the house perfectly clean in order to keep up with the other moms who do this, while caring for my 3 little kids. He said exactly what your dh said, "I didn't ask you to do this." Then he went on to say that all I did with the kids was so much more important and to stop trying to please the other moms out there and to think of pleasing him first. I can't wait to complete this challenge with him - I think it will really show him how much I love and respect him. Thanks!!

July 12, 2010 at 9:18 PM  
Anonymous Lisa V. said...

Oh that just cracked me up about your husbands priority for you. I'm sorry, I just have to say that! Almost TMI, but yet, good for you both! ... Ok so I think I might be a little afraid to ask my husband what's important to him for me to do. I think I kinda know the answer...and it's been such a challenge for me, for so long. I just get discouraged thinking about it because as much as I want to meet that need for him, I've failed so much at it. I think too it's just a rebellious attitude deep, deep down. What should I do?!

July 12, 2010 at 9:40 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

I emailed my husband this morning a list of 5 of my chores/responsibilities and asked him to prioritize them. I was right about what I thought was most important to him, but he chose "coupon/deal seeking" as number 2, and I never would have thought that would be higher than 5!! I'm so glad I asked! He also wrote "I love you, and you do a great job." That means a lot. He is never selfish with his praise and encouragement, and that just makes me try even harder. I want to make him proud. Aside from this challenge, I started reading your blog a couple of months ago, and it has given me so much inspiration to really strive to be the wife God intended for me to be. So thank you!!

July 12, 2010 at 10:43 PM  
Anonymous Cindy lau said...

Thank you so much for this post. It is exactly what I need to hear! We are going through lots of changes in our life. Our children are moving in and out, we have our first grandchild, and my husband is getting ready to retire. My husband wants me to work part time, so we can spend more time together. It is very hard for me to cut back on my responsibilities, because I have always done what I do. But part of me knows this is really about trusting my husband and God to take care of me. I need to give this subject a lot more thought. Thank you.

July 13, 2010 at 12:57 AM  
Anonymous Fiona said...

I have had some health issues over the years which made it hard to be a wife who had it all together.

My SH (Sweet hubby) said he would rather have me well rested, and happy to greet him when he came home, than have the house perfect. THANK YOU SWEETHEART!

And now that our kids are older, and my time is more my own, guess what? The house is cleaner, and I'm still well rested and happy to greet him.

I was more important to him than a clean house.

July 13, 2010 at 12:38 PM  
Anonymous Jen at SoulFULL Cafe said...

Hi Courtney,
I did not post this week's challenge because it is a tad too personal for me, especially since I have both men and women reading my blog. I love this challenge though (and so does my husband)!! You offer such simple advise, that I never thought of doing before. It's amazing how much I have neglected to really think about how to better serve my husband. Thanks for your help!

July 14, 2010 at 10:23 AM  
Blogger Julie Anne said...

I am soo avoiding this one... don't know why it's so hard!!

July 14, 2010 at 10:44 PM  
Blogger Julie Anne said...

I am soo avoiding this one... don't know why it's so hard!!

July 14, 2010 at 10:45 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

THIS is where most of our battles come from and I am SO ready to do this!

You inspire me EVERY DAY girl! Thank you!

July 17, 2010 at 6:09 PM  
Anonymous Time Management said...

Time can be managed by using a system or a software. It depends on how you will use it, but it worked with me.

August 5, 2010 at 6:48 AM  
Anonymous Managing Time said...

In our case it is me who is going to make us late to somewhere... which makes it kind of funny, because I am the man.

Thank you for a great post and site! I really like your blog entries.

May 10, 2011 at 2:17 PM  

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