What My Mom Taught Me About Marriage

My mom and dad are celebrating their 42nd wedding anniversary tomorrow. This day in age, that's a rare anniversary to celebrate. The statistics say divorce is on the rise and as a result any marriage over 21 years is remarkable - much less double that! I know that I am blessed to have parents who have role-modeled to me a Biblical Marriage and so I asked my mom to write and share with you her story.

My mom writes:

Forty two years ago, on June 1, l968, two somewhat naïve but madly in love 20 year olds made a lifetime commitment before God, family and friends to love and cherish one another . . .until death do us part. My husband and I were Christians, but baby Christians who really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! We had virtually no marriage counseling, so we looked to our parents' marriages to pattern (or not) pattern after.


It was the era of the 60's, and the traditional roles of men and women in marriage – well, they were a'changin'! Being a woman who wanted to keep up with the times, I took my cues from the world. “Be your own woman, do not let a man own you.” “Do not be an appendage on a man's arm, known only as your husband's wife, make a name for yourself.” It was the the age of “I am woman, hear me roar!”


Obviously, this is not what God's Word says, and if I had pursued that path, I don't believe I would still be married today. Thankfully, God in His grace led me to a women's Bible study at my church. These precious women patiently and kindly showed me what God says in His Word about the role of a wife in marriage. Being the strong willed individual that I am, I balked and said, “If I had known all of this, I would never have gotten married.” But I WAS married, so what to do? I loved God and wanted to please Him. I loved my husband and wanted to please him too. I got on my knees and prayed to God - “Help me to become the godly wife you want me to be.”


God led me to the example of a well known married couple in Scripture, Abraham and Sarah. Sarah's relationship to Abraham helped me to develop the proper Biblical ATTITUDES and ACTIONS towards my husband. 1 Peter 3:6a: “Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.”

Pretty radical for 2010, right?!

Sarah called Abraham “lord.” It was a term of respect. Sarah saw her husband as her supreme authority, her master, her leader. Because Sarah had the proper Biblical ATTITUDE of respect towards Abraham, she was then able to follow with the proper Biblical ACTION - Sarah “obeyed” her husband. She voluntarily placed herself under or beneath her husband as a subordinate, obeying/following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her.


I know this teaching is challenging, especially in the culture in which we live. This is evidenced by the fact that so many brides today choose to omit the word “obey” from their wedding vows. But whether we like it or not, it is a principle from the Word of God. We must learn it and apply it if we want to have a marriage that honors and glorifies the Lord.


If you are struggling with respecting and obeying your husband, take it to the Lord in prayer. He will give you the strength and the grace to do it. If you have failed in this area as I so often have, remember that our God is a God of mercy and forgiveness. He is also a God of hope. It is never too late, so look to the future. Change what needs to be changed, and improve in the areas that need to be improved. Then thank God for the wonderful husband that He's given to you and for the privilege of fulfilling your God given role as his wife.


Because tomorrow is our anniversary, I want to tell my husband how much I love and admire him. “My beloved is mine, and I am his.” (Song of Solomon 2:16) What a blessing to have shared 42 years together with my beloved, my partner, my provider, my protector, and spiritual leader. Thank you for holding our marriage in honor among all!

And to all of Courtney's readers, may you continue to “walk with the King” as you live out your marriage according to the design of God.

***Thanks Mom! You never cease to challenge and inspire me to do what is right! Thank you!