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Women Living Well Blog: Your Marriage Problems Are All In Your Head

Women Living Well Blog

Monday, March 8, 2010

Your Marriage Problems Are All In Your Head

I’m not saying you are crazy.

But I am saying that your thought patterns affect your marriage.
I remember sitting at the dinner table with my daughter in her high chair and my 2 year old son, watching the clock. Tick tock tick tock. These thoughts ran through my mind, “Why is my husband 20 minutes late? He knows the kids are hungry and can’t wait.” Tick tock tick tock. “He is 30 minutes late and hasn’t even called. If he loved me he would at least call”. Tick tock tick tock. “This is so boring just sitting here with 2 children who can’t even carry a conversation…why is he doing this to me?”
Finally, the garage door went up and how do you think I greeted him at the door???

I am being featured over on Like A Warm Cup of Coffee today. You can read the rest of this article there.

Next Monday I will answer the mailbag question: What if my husband's movie and television standards are not the same as mine?

Walk with the King!

I am participating in Marriage Mondays over at Come Have a Peace.



Blogger Leslie and James said...

I love this, and I (and my marriage!) SO needed it right now!!! Thank you:)

March 8, 2010 at 8:18 AM  
Blogger Dernhelm said...

Very true and what a difference it makes. I think it relates somewhat to that verse in Phillipians, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;" This includes our husbands aswell!


March 8, 2010 at 8:29 AM  
Anonymous Julie@comehaveapeace said...

I LOVE the way you startes this post. ;) I think we can all "see" ourselves in that scenario.

March 8, 2010 at 9:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Courtney - I need some godly advice for a friend (really). She's been married 14 yrs. and her husband is an alcoholic and has never held a steady job. She is the backbone of the family and ready to give up. She loves the Lord and he (the husband) claimed to be a Christian years ago but has no interest now. How can I help her? Thank you!

March 8, 2010 at 9:41 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

awesome post courtney! i agree- you relate this so well to our everyday life & marriage. thank you! love your blog!

March 8, 2010 at 10:21 AM  
Blogger Laurie Mitchell said...

Yes, a good marriage is hard work and mostly work on ourselves. :)

March 8, 2010 at 11:06 AM  
Blogger Traci Michele said...


I LOVED this post! I link-loved-it over at Ordinary Inspirations as I talk about marriage and babies today!

Hugs to you! Praying for you with regards to the Relevant Conf. I so hope to be there!


March 8, 2010 at 11:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

great!! :)
I had a similar reflexion recently.. about how *I* sometimes make myself miserable waiting for my husband for diner..Now when he is too late I have a light snack, and I welcome him with a back rub ;)The snack helps for my mood and energy. A lot!!

and *everyday* I tell him how proud I am of him. It really makes a difference.
Have you read the 5 love languages, by Chapman? I try to do one of each everyday...

I have a question for the mailbag too:
I'd like to be a stay at home mom, my husband wants me to work once the baby is here... I'm thinking part time then... Where does work fall in terms of priority? I see God first, family second, work last BUT work can also help the family.. I guess I'm just looking for excuses because I would really love staying home to educate my kids, and I think we don't need a second income... it breaks my heart to leave a baby to a nanny to go do a job I don't care about... I like your take on things, what would you do? Not saying I'll do that, just that I like your input...
thanks! :)

March 8, 2010 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger Brandy said...

Following from MBC!
I tend to be this way...mainly because my husband has no set schedule...he is always on call so I never know when to expect him. Some days are tougher than others.

March 8, 2010 at 2:46 PM  
Blogger ham1299 said...

Very good post. I look forward to next Monday's post, as that's an issue in my marriage!

March 8, 2010 at 3:12 PM  
Blogger Let'sMakeADifference said...

So true. I am teaching this to my three teenage daughters now, so that hopefully they won't experience some of the troubles that I did when they first get married.

March 8, 2010 at 5:52 PM  
Blogger Denise said...

So true! Thanks for this needed reminder to be aware of the negative thoughts that come up, and the need to be intentional about having positive thoughts about our husbands.
Looking forward to next Monday's post!

March 8, 2010 at 10:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love this post Courtney. Your message really hit home with me. I loved the analogy of the hot cup of coffee. This is something I will remember! Your ministry has helped me in so many ways and I look forward to coming to your blog every day! God Bless!

March 9, 2010 at 12:28 AM  
Blogger Jason The Bald Guy said...

If you would, please pray for my best bud and his wife(Jerry & Angela), they are split at the moment and trying to reconcile. The enemy was at full force and really tore some stuff up, but I feel God back in the #1 position in their lives now, Thanks

March 9, 2010 at 8:46 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear Anonymous - regarding a friend whose husband is an alcoholic and not working. What should she do you ask?

There's not enough space here for me to answer this fully - and I hate to give this a "pat" answer BUT...

This wife must not give up! There are no guarantees when we marry that our husband will be the dream husband we dreamed of. Life is hard. Each marriage has it's obstacles. No marriage is flawless and at times she may be believing that to be the case.

There is no doubt that she has been dealt a bad hand - but he did ask her to marry him and she did say "yes". So she must take responsibility for this being the man she chose. She once loved and adored this man.

She is being held captive by her angry, bitter, miserable thought life and she must break free.

I know that he is not lovely right now in the way he is acting as a husband - but the way to "win him" is by following I Peter 3 - without words. Her actions need to speak God's unconditional love to him. She needs to cling to God daily and walk in his Spirit through this dark time and God will be faithful and bless her.

She must retrain her mind to think good and pure thoughts towards her husband.

Please read this article I posted earlier titled "Thriving in a mismatched marriage" -

It may help.
Much love,

March 10, 2010 at 10:29 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear anonymous - I neglected to mention prayer in that last answer -she must PRAY on her knees faithfully daily for her man and walk with the king!

March 10, 2010 at 10:31 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear TL:

Your question is in regards to going to work. If I understand correctly you are going to work because your husband wants you to not because you need to. And you asked what I would do.

If my husband wanted me to go to work - I would respectfully share my heart with him. If he did not listen I would go to work.

If he left the choice up to me and we were okay financially - which is what I think you are saying - I would not work.

I feel the QUALITY of life in my home is more important than the QUANITITY of things.

You asked for my opinion - so that is it - but I would NEVER impose my "opinion" on other women. This is what works for me.

Much Love,

March 10, 2010 at 10:37 AM  

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