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Women Living Well Blog: Mailbag Question: My Husband Wants Me to Lose Weight!

Women Living Well Blog

Friday, December 11, 2009

Mailbag Question: My Husband Wants Me to Lose Weight!

I received a difficult mailbag question... It reads:
"My husband wants me to lose weight? Should I submit to him and do this?"
Here's my video response. I wonder, what are your thoughts or feelings on this issue? How would you answer this question?

(For more on this topic, read a blog post from back in May. I shared a little of my own struggles with weight issues here.)

Walk with the King!

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Blogger Cher said...

Stopping by to say Hi and now following you from a fellow Mama Bzz'er!

December 11, 2009 at 12:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First of all, you answered this question very wisely with a heart first to the Word of God. What a wonderful model.

Second, I love the examples you gave at the end of this post about the simple ways you've submitted to your husband's wishes and desires in how you look.

I've only been married about 16 months, but in that time I've given up wearing almost any makeup because my husband doesn't really like it. At times, I feel like I'm not looking my best because I desire a little powder and color, but like you mention . . . his opinion is really the only one that matters--I want to be the most attractive to him that I can be, and if that means no make up, then again like you said in the trash it goes.

December 11, 2009 at 5:34 AM  
Anonymous Suzanne said...

Thank you for your blog-it is so encouraging! I would love to join your weight loss accounability group in January!

December 11, 2009 at 6:30 AM  
Blogger Regina Coblentz said...

You did a great job in explaining this question. I do agree with what you said. We need to submit to our husbands. Sometimes we are in denial and our husbands need to guide us (in a loving way) and point things out just like we lovingly point out to our husbands things that we would like for them to "work" on. Thanks for sharing.

December 11, 2009 at 9:19 AM  
Blogger Beck said...

With a due respect, in Ephesians it says "and husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church". You kinda of glossed over that a bit too quickly.

Also, the passage of Scripture about "our bodies being the Temple of the Holy Spirit" is clearly about sexual immorality - NOT OBESITY (or smoking). Please keep it in context.

December 11, 2009 at 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH, please, ladies! Your husband should love, honor and respect you for who you are, even if that means being heavier than he wants. If he is that stuck on the weight issue, trust me, he has wandering eyes and will be looking elsewhere for the perfect size 3 even if you eventually get there yourself. What happens then if you gain a few pounds back? I certainly agree that you want to please him and look attractive for him, but come on. If wearing makeup makes YOU feel attractive, you'll feel better about yourself and respond to him more positively. Stop being doormats. A marriage is a relationship BETWEEN two people. Otherwise, I'd rather be single.

December 11, 2009 at 11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You answered this question great Courtney! I just hope that the woman's husband discussed her weight with her in a loving way.
I do have to add however that this woman has to want to lose weight for herself. I have had a weight problem for the past several years and believe I have finally conquered it. My parents and some family members would comment on my weight and it would make me mad and I would just want to eat even more. My husband though never said one word about it. He said that he loved me know matter what but he would support me in whatever way he could if I wanted to lose the weight. That was the key for me. I needed to want to do this for me, not to please anyone else. With the help of our King, and great support from my husband, I eventually did lose the weight. And your right, it's the best give I could give to my husband, my children, and best of all to MYSELF!!!

December 11, 2009 at 11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If your husband was attracted to you in the first place while you were wearing makeup, and you were fine with wearing it during your courtship, why should the fact that you are married make you stop wearing it now? Perhaps it's more of a control issue or maybe he's insecure and doesn't want other men to find you attractive. Doesn't sit well with me. Sorry.

December 11, 2009 at 12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting how people can get bent out of shape when we talk about keeping ourselves in top-notch shape after we are married, but while we are dating, it is okay~? What is the first thing many people do after a divorce? Get a makeover, lose some weight, get some new clothing. Why so late? And then cry over the loss of marriage when we didn't necessarily do everything we could to keep it ~ even if it means a little upkeep.

We knew a couple who are both Christians and have been married for quite some time. After the babies were born, newmama promptly moved into a Winnie the Pooh tee shirt and chopped off all her hair; lucky to shower or makeup once a week. My mom, being the sage she is and having been married over 50 years, nicely took her aside and reminded her of all the women her husband was working with ~ all trim, showered, make-up, dressed nicely, etc. Newmama ignored her, saying that was why she married a Christian man. Long story short, he did get wandering eyes. She promptly did a 180 with her lifestyle, they got godly counsel, and have since been married for over 20 years. Yes, she threw away the Pooh tee shirt.

Another thing ~ we try hard not to tempt men by wearing low cut shirts and too tight jeans ~~ acknowledging the Visual Male, yet we ignore the fact that our husbands ARE Visual Males, and then starve them of the very thing they need. Strange?

Interesting topic, Courtney, and one that I'm sure you'll get some flack for. I'm glad you're addressing it, gutsy girl!

~Heatherj ~ married happily, but very carefully

December 11, 2009 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger Mandi Miller said...

I think you answered the question in a very godly way Courtney. Regardless of the motives or attitude of this woman's husband she is still responsible to God for her actions. God has told us to submit to our husbands and to respect them. I would certainly be hurt if my husband said something like that to me but I would still feel like I needed to honor what he has asked me to do. I wouldn't be a doormat. He would need to know how he hurt me but I can't let someone else's sin (not being loving to his wife) give me an excuse to sin myself (not respecting my husband). I am sure you will have people disagree with you but again, I think you answered her question in a very godly way.

December 11, 2009 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger Mandi Miller said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

December 11, 2009 at 2:20 PM  
Blogger Wordy Wife said...

Just a thought: I think there's a big difference between a man demanding his wife look like a size 2 Playboy model, and wanting her to be fit and healthy and attractive.

December 11, 2009 at 3:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a brilliant response to a tricky question!I really dont know how you do it(being so submissive on everything) but i can say i am encouraged by your blog an videos.Thank God for your exampleship.

December 12, 2009 at 7:23 AM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Thank you to everyone for what you shared. I asked for your opinion and I knew there'd be a few who didn't really like what they heard.

I still stand behind every word I said. The more we practice obeying God's command to submit the easier it gets. Also, there is no exception clause in Ephesians that says we only need to submit in easy areas of our lives. So I know this issue is hard...but I believe God is glorified when we do the hard things he has asked us to do.

I am praying for all of my reader's marriages. May God bless them through your obedience!
Much Love,

December 12, 2009 at 3:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

December 14, 2009 at 4:34 PM  
Blogger Courtney (Women Living Well) said...

Dear Anonymous - I deleted your last comment. I can handle being insulted. I have chosen to put my beliefs out here and therefore I accept whatever comes my way as a result. But please do not insult my readers or their husbands.

This website is meant to build each other let me start by saying that I love you and thank you for sharing your heart...but for all further commenters please take feelings of others into account. I want this board to be God honoring and I think we can disagree in a respectful way.

I really do value every one of my readers and I pray for each one of you that God will do a marvelous work in your marriages!

Much Love,

December 14, 2009 at 9:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not a Christian but I completely agree with you. May God guide us all.

April 26, 2010 at 2:33 PM  

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