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11 Resources for Wives Whose Husbands Are Addicted to P*rn

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Women Living Well Blog: 11 Resources for Wives Whose Husbands Are Addicted to P*rn

Women Living Well Blog

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

11 Resources for Wives Whose Husbands Are Addicted to P*rn

You my reader are so valuable.  Yesterday many of you offered in the comments section amazing resources that could help a wife whose husband is dabbling with p*rn.  

So I compiled all that you shared and made a list below - but first let me share 3 resources that I personally recommend:

1. Arousing Ourselves to Death by Dr. Moore was a blog posted today!  He writes:
The couple will typically tell me first about how stressful their lives are. Maybe he’s lost his job. Perhaps she’s working too. Maybe their children are rowdy or the house is chaotic. But usually, if we talk long enough about their fracturing marriage, there is a sense that something else is afoot. The couple will tell me about how their s*x life is near extinction. The man, she’ll tell me, is an emotional wraith, dead to intimacy with his wife. The woman will be frustrated, with what seems to him to be a wild mixture of rage and humiliation. They just don’t know what’s wrong, but they know a Christian marriage isn’t supposed to feel like this.

It’s at this point that I interrupt the discussion, look at the man, and ask, “So how long has the p*rn been going on?” The couple will look at each other, and then look at me, with a kind of fearful incredulity that communicates the question, “How do you know?” For a few minutes, they seek to reorient themselves to this exposure, wondering, I suppose, if I’m an Old Testament prophet or a New Age psychic. But I’m not either. One doesn’t have to be to sense the spirit of this age. In our time, p*rn*graphy is the destroying angel of (especially male) Eros, and it’s time the Church faced the horror of this more

2.  Juli Slattery's article from Focus on the Family titled: The Impact of P*rn on Marital S*x Once you are there - just keep reading all the articles connected to this one - it is a really helpful series!

3.Kristen Welch - a co-speaker at Relevant 10 with me and the founder of the Mercy House tells her story on We Are That Family in a series that includes a post with a plethora of resources - I HIGHLY recommend this post!!!!

Now here are some of the resources that I have not read nor reviewed completely myself but that you the reader shared in the comments section yesterday:

4.  Stephen Arterburn's book titled "Every Man's Battle."

5. Not Even A Hint by Josh Harris

6.  The Peasant Princess sermon series by Mark Driscoll -

7. Sheila Wray Gregoire blogs at To Love Honor and Vaccuum.  Every time I visit her blog I learn from her - she is wise, funny, Godly and so easy to read!  She is currently writing "The Good Girl's Guide to S*x" right now (out with Zondervan soon).  This should be a great resource!

8.  A reader named Kristi (who has 5 children - including one set of triplets!) recommended one of her own blog posts: Courageous Homekeeping

9.  Focus on the Family's broadcast of Linda Dillow and Loraine Pintus authors of Intimate Issues : listen here

10.  One reader wrote: "There is a free resource available at  for wives who discover their husband is struggling with s*xual impurity.  This is a 60 day Bible study. Most people are assigned a personal mentor to help them along in their journey as a source of support and encouragement."

11.  Some technological tools that were mentioned:  Safeeyes, K9 browser, K9 iphone app, 

Thank you to everyone who shared these resources above.  Please feel free to share more in the comment section below.   If you are a woman who feels isolated and does not have a Pastor or godly woman to talk to - please consider calling Focus on the Family at 1-800-232-6459.  They have family care specialist available Monday through Friday - 6am to 8pm.

I have to share one last thing.  One reader wrote and told me that she took yesterday's blog post to her husband and asked him what he thought...he confessed.  Let's pray for their marriage today.

Walk with the King!


Blogger Rachel said...

May I also recommend Dr. Paul Weiss. He came and spoke at the (Christian) University that I got my masters in counseling from. He is very good and has some interesting ideas. He has a counseling agency called "Heart to Heart" counseling agency. He has written several books as well.

April 27, 2011 at 10:09 PM  
Blogger Kristi said...

Wow, thank you Courtney for linking my Courageous Homekeeping posts! I would also like to mention, that I wrote my "life" story recently, including finding out about my husband's pr*nography problem and how God worked in our marriage to create a beautiful picture of redemption. My hopes are that it will help to give someone courage and hope as they deal with things in their own marriage. Thank you for taking on such an important topic.

April 27, 2011 at 10:25 PM  
Blogger ginahyatt said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

April 28, 2011 at 2:36 AM  
Blogger Sheila said...

Courtney: Thanks for linking to my To Love, Honor and Vacuum blog!

Let me put a specific link in here. This is the last of a 3-part series I did on porn. I deal with both men and women who are addicted, and give a comprehensive plan for women on how to stop fantasizing during sex, etc. I thought people may find it useful!

April 28, 2011 at 8:11 AM  
Blogger Stacy said...

So thankful that you are posting about this important issue. I found out a year and 1/2 ago that my husband was addicted to porn and it tore me apart. I had just had a miscarriage right before and felt so betrayed. I had no idea that it was going on. He went through the Setting Captives Free course (a free course) and had a mentor. It was wonderful for us and I am so thankful for that website. We also have safe eyes installed on our computer. Thankfully he's been away from it since he confessed it to me, but it took awhile for me to trust him again. Thank you again for this information.

April 28, 2011 at 8:53 AM  
Blogger Mrs. K said...

For me, one of the best resources was Every Heart Restored by Stephen Arterburn.

Thank you for tackling this topic, it's rampant and destroying God's holiest of covenants.

Please let your readers know that sexual addiction is one of the most rapidly growing, which means the "drug" must get stronger and stronger in order to achieve the "high".

My husband's addiction was out of control and looking back on it now he says that Every Man's Battle was baby food for him. Title's that he suggests are "Out of the Shadows" by Patrick Carnes and, the second book that changed his life (after the Bible), "Breaking Free" by Russell Willingham.

April 28, 2011 at 10:11 AM  
Blogger Mrs. K said...

Wanted to add, the computer filter we use is from BSecure and it is absolutely top notch, excellent.

If your husband (or sons - we *MUST* be talking to them while they are young) has a smartphone, he can download a filter from xxxchurch (not what the name suggests) and it will monitor his surfing and email accountability partners.

The most important tool is to find trusted accountability partners and GET THIS ADDICTION out of the dark. The devil hates the light and the more people who know of your struggles and can join you in praying, the less of a foothold satan can have. I know this sounds tragically embarrasing and trust me, no one knows this more than I, but the absolute best thing for my husband was everybody finding out about it.

April 28, 2011 at 10:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great resources! I love your blog!

BTW - Women struggle with porn addiction too but just don't talk about it since it's usually a "man's problem."

I haven't ever found help for women who struggle with this.

April 29, 2011 at 6:57 AM  
Blogger Rhoda said...

Affair of the Mind is by Laurie Hall - here is a link to it on Amazon - a true story about someone who went through it with her husband.

April 29, 2011 at 3:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the post a couple days ago...

What I am wondering is why are wives just finding out during marriage? This issue should be discussed when couples are dating (in my opinion).

Also, there was a woman who said her and her newlywed husband rarely make love and he is more affectionate to the dog than to her- this is another thing to look for in dating.. if he is affectionate or not. One woman mentioned he might be homosexual, which at first I thought was extremely harsh but the topic of affection is something to consider during one's courtship, instead of waiting until you're married to find out he is not an affectionate person. That's not to say God can't change his heart, but these things would be good to know before going into marriage.

April 29, 2011 at 4:47 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

I'm sorry you were receiveing hate mail. My DH and I had this problem, it was a year and I finally asked him if he was disinterested in me or cheating and he was so shocked and upset! He told me no he just wasn't interested in ANY female. We went to the DR and his testosterone levels were completly bottomed out. We decided not to to the meds but use a holistic approach and I'm happy to say it seems to be working :-)

April 29, 2011 at 10:44 PM  
Blogger Alissa said...

Another great program for those who WANT to be held accountable is

April 30, 2011 at 12:30 PM  

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