Respecting Your Husband's Weaknesses

Monday I wrote: "Ephesians 5:33 says,"However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In other words, a wife needs to feel love and a husband needs to feel respect. Consequently... Without love she reacts without respect, and without respect he reacts without
love."

I received an excellent question from a reader, in regards to Monday's post. One wife asked: "How do I respect the areas where my husband struggles?" For this wife it is in the area of finances. For you it may be in another area such as parenting, differences in goals, likes and dislikes, too much time spent on sports and hobbies, mother-in-law troubles or his lack of helpfulness around the house. And this is just to name a few - there are many other serious issues and addictions that often require intervention.

None of us are married to a perfect man - they are all flawed - just as we wives are all flawed - simply because we are all sinners. In most sitcoms, the husband is the brunt of jokes - he is stupid while the wife knows it all and runs the house. This may be culturally acceptable - but it is NOT acceptable to God.

God has placed an order in our homes according to Ephesians 5 and the man is the head of the home and is to be respected in that role. Since this order is God ordained - when a wife bucks the system and disrespects her husband, her problem is not with her husband but with God. Does she trust God enough to take care of her? Is she willing to quietly pray about the problem she is having with her husband and give God room to work in her husband's heart? Is she willing to support her husband fully as his helpmate and make it safe for him to make a mistake and ask for help - or does he fear his wife's harsh tongue when he fails - and therefore, not feel safe to ask for help?

Often times we disrespect our husbands out of selfishness - we are not getting our way or what we want and so we go the route of criticizing, crying or pouting. You see, we as women think it is okay to cry in a fight but it is not okay for the man to get angry. We think he's not controlling himself and judge him for it. But why is it that women tend to cry and men tend to get angry? Because crying is often the result of a woman feeling unloved and anger is often the result of a man feeling disrespected. We provoke our husband's anger when we are disrespectful.

If you are not able to communicate respectfully with your husband about an area that you are concerned, then you should wait to communicate with him about it until you can. This takes patience, prayer, and emotional maturity. Otherwise, your husband will feel the need to pull back from you and disconnect. Then you will cry and tell him how unloved you feel. But in reality, you have poked him in the eye and now you are crying and begging him to see you and your pain. But he won't be able to see past his own pain.

When we are faced with our husband's weaknesses, much about our maturity is revealed. Your husband should not have to earn your respect just as you would not want him to make you earn his love. Our spiritual maturity and emotional maturity are tested.

So if you have failed to be respectful - go and make things right with God and then your husband - apologize and begin your journey towards doing what is right. You will need to trust in God to give you the strength to bite your tongue till it bleeds if you must - as you wrestle with self-control! In time, you will find an overwhelming sense of peace that the Holy Spirit will bring you as you walk yielded to the Spirit. (In regards to more serious matters of infidelity and addictions I suggest that you talk to a trusted elder or pastor.) So I encourage you today, go and give your husband what he so desperately needs - respect - and watch your marriage bloom.

These may have been some very hard words to hear for some of you - but they are God's truth and the truth will set you free. I am praying for all of my readers today - that this truth will fall on soft hearts. Marriage in America is in jeopardy - Christian marriages need to be a light to the world! When you follow God's plan for marriage you will be different and your light will shine for the whole world to see! Go let your light shine and live well!!!

Walk with the King!


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